Hi so I'm not a mum or anything. I'm 17 and I'm having bad issues with my parents and I don't think I can stay here anymore.
To give a bit of background I live in a house with my Mum, Dad and my three sisters (I'm number two of four girls) aged 18,15 and 14. We're quite a volatile family and we've had a lot of issues in the past. Two and a half years ago I was severely anorexic my personality completely changed during the illness I became weepy, violent and very very depressed. I was hospitalised for two months and I was still affected by anorexia for a good year afterwards and I continue to suffer with depression. This time caused massive strain for our whole family and even though I am no longer anorexic things though much much better have never been the same.
my sisters didn't want anything to do with me whilst I was ill. They turned a blind eye to it, called me names and threw food at me whilst I was ill. They called me names and yelled at me that I had destroyed our family- which obviously hurt quite a lot. I understand that my behaviour was hurting them too as I had damaged the family unit that we had once had. I wasn't in my right mind though the me previous to anorexia would never have acted how I did. Now I am categorised by my family as the crazy one.
My Dad was also quite useless at trying to understand my illness. He got angry a lot and sometimes things got physical.He always sided with my sisters. There were some good bits, such as he came to visit me everyday whilst I was in hospital.
My mum cared for me and was the only one that tried to understand. I've always felt very grateful to hr for this. However, now she is the main issue.
Mum and Dad always always side together. They go completely over the top insane about small things such as when they don't think we (me in particular) help enough around the house. The arguments which usually start about gratitude, helping around the house, or spending too much time in our rooms end up very sinister. Mum jeers at me and calls me 'insane', 'home wrecker' and full on screams to the point that her veins are bulging out of her head. She has recently taken to calling me a 'slapper', 'a slag' and 'a whore' because she overheard a private conversation with my older sister where I told her that I'd slept with two guys. I do stand up for myself, I'm not much of a crier and therefore I shout back things that I know will hurt her in order to protect myself because I'm hurting. However, the last few times I have shouted back at her she's hit me across the face. I never become physical with her in retaliation, I used to do that when I was ill and I think it's wrong no matter what the excuse. My Dad tries to calm her down but eventually he sides with her. Last night for example, they also tried to take my phone and when I hid it behind my back he but his full bodyweight on me, sitting on me until I gave it back. I am 5"5, he is 6"1 and it was painful. This whole time mum was yelling at me to 'get out of her house'. I got changed and was going to call a taxi before realising I didn't have a phone and I didn't have any cash. I then thought about where I would go. My grandparents are both very ill, and I wouldn't want my friends to know about the things going on at home.
My oldest and youngest sister don't say anything because they don't want to get in trouble. My middle sister does stand up for me, she is also always in trouble with my parents.
This morning my mum has apologised and every time I accept her apology but I don't think I can keep doing it.
Last night I contemplated taking my own life. If I am everything my family says I am there is no point in being alive. Two weeks ago I took an overdose but I made myself sick to bring the tablets back up. I am already on anti-depressants but I feel as if they aren't working
I am under huge pressure from school, it is a grammar school I am in lower 6th studying for my A Levels. I am Deputy Head girl and yet I cannot ask for help. I want everyone to think I am fine and even when I think I' about to tell someone what is really going on I hear myself saying 'I'm fine'. But I'm not and I don't think I can carry on. I really need some advice.
I love my family- which sounds odd given the circumstances and they give me so much. This all probably is my fault which is why I've never spoken about it before. But I see my friends families and I realise that their parents aren't like mine.