Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop sending nieces and nephews presents

52 replies

totallywicked · 02/04/2018 21:23

Me and my LS were extremely close but she has now loved away and not so anymore.

Children same'ish ages. I always send presents and cards for children's birthday. She has done the same but past 2 years there's been nothing. We don't have a big family so not a lot to keep up with. Daughters just turned 7 this weekend, she's noticed there's nothing from aunt: she only has one, no other siblings.

Not even that assed about a present but it doesn't take a lot to send a card.

I know IABU by just annoys me that I always recongnise and gift her children a birthdays and she doesn't mine

OP posts:
Original poster
totallywicked · 02/04/2018 21:24

Mine as in my children's not mine. I couldn't give a shit about mine

OP posts:
Madonnasmum · 02/04/2018 21:27

I'd follow her lead. Sad as it is that would annoy me. Probably send a text in a month along the lines of, just to clarify we're stopping pressies for the kids b days blah blah.

NewYearNewMe18 · 02/04/2018 21:27

Perhaps she cant afford to ?

sockunicorn · 02/04/2018 21:29

I think you DS is out of order. However dont punish her kids for her being rubbish. Your DD has realised and will form an opinion of her aunt based on how shes treated. I wouldnt want my DSs kids to think that of me. Plus these DC are getting older and will soon make their own decisions on who they see and what relationships they have. So, unless money is an issue, I would keep sending.

Original poster
totallywicked · 02/04/2018 21:30

No I don't think she has a lot of disposable income (who bloody has) but £2-3 to put a card and post it is doable (she holidays abroad, has 2 cars etc)

OP posts:
Original poster
totallywicked · 02/04/2018 21:33

Your probably right sock. I would hate to do it just to be spiteful just pisses me off, especially now DD of that age where she is realising the meaning of things

OP posts:
sockunicorn · 02/04/2018 21:37

@totallywicked i know its hard. Years ago my DM had a fallout with her sisters. That christmas only some of them got us gifts (but bought for everyone else). I was only 11 at the time but I still remember who did it. It wasnt my fight (it was my mums) but I got punished in the crossfire. At the time I remember seeing my cousin's gifts (from the aunties who didnt buy for me) and wondering why they didnt like me. I see my family often and all's well now but Im well aware who was happy to pretend I didnt exist and leave me out just because of their argument with my DM.

Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 21:37

I know IABU by just annoys me that I always recongnise and gift her children a birthdays and she doesn't mine

No, you're not BU. I really would stop sending them. She's moved asay, she's not even cards.

It's not punishing her dc, I hate that expression. Her dc will continue to get presents from their parents, just like OP's will get them from her len parents.

KC225 · 02/04/2018 21:42

I would stop. I wouldn't bother texting about it though. Keep sending cards - as a gesture, but stop with the presents. You will not be punishing any kids, her kids will get used to it just as yours will. It's been two years. There is nothing to stop up treating them when you meet up.

BrendasUmbrella · 02/04/2018 22:10

Is it spiteful to not give nieces/nephews a card or gift? Because if so, the sister is being spiteful...

Leeds2 · 02/04/2018 22:12

I would either stop completely, or just send a card. If your sister asks why, tell her.

JoyceDivision · 02/04/2018 22:15

Drop text : "just checking,are we no longerdoing cards or presents for dcs as it was mini wicked's birthday last week and she hasn't got anything from you. Thanks, wicked"

Bonkersblond · 02/04/2018 22:22

Same thing has happened with my sis who lives away except my kids are a lot younger than hers, I remembered every Birthday/Christmas for hers, I wanted to be part of their lives, they came on holiday, I dropped everything to have them stay, now her kids have grown up, my kids get nothing, not even a card, I barely hear from her, my kids adore her, what they can remember, it’s very difficult not to be upset/angry with her, but I don’t expect anymore, makes it a bit easier.

freakydeakydo · 02/04/2018 22:54

Stop sending gifts and cards.

I wouldn't give any reason, I'd just stop

OwlinaTree · 02/04/2018 23:00

I'm in the middle of this issue with two of my sisters who seem to have decided my kids aren't worth bothering with. One has a child who's had years worth of stuff from us. The other seems happy enough to accept gifts but doesn't seem to be bothering herself to make any effort for my kids.

I've asked one about it, said I'm sad about it. I'm waiting as apparently she's going to email me about it.... Hmm I won't hold my breath.

I don't want to stop sending gifts to my neices and nephews but I don't see why it should be all one sided. I could buy my kids an extra gift instead. But if you point it out it feels petty. Can't win with this one I feel

Gide · 02/04/2018 23:04

@OwlinaTree She’s going to email you about it?? Wtaf? Why did she not just respond to your text saying yes, that’s fine? Weird.

Faultymain5 · 02/04/2018 23:09

If it bothers you either speak to her about or don't continue sending gifts.

I was always raised not to give to receive. But some people take this kind of thing to heart. I'd always be honest with my sisters. But even they can be a little sensitive about things I don't care about.

Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 23:16

@OwlineTree

There's no need to point out anything! Just quietly stop sending the presents.

If they ask you about it, just say 'Oh I thought we had stopped doing presents because dd hasn't received a present from younfor x years.'

OwlinaTree · 02/04/2018 23:21

Yes I know I can just stop. But then I'm the bad guy.

Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 23:24

Bad guy in whose eyes, Owlina?

Your sisters may grumble the first year of no presents but they will get used to it or start sending presents to your dc.

I think I would have been annoyed as a child if my parents sent presents to my cousins but my aunts/uncles didn't send presents to me. It's so unfair to your own kids.

OwlinaTree · 02/04/2018 23:25

I was always raised not to give to receive.

Yes, that's true, but it is easy to be said by the one doing all the recieving!

In my eyes, if people bother to send you/your child gifts, it means it's important to them. So you reciprocate. If you don't want to you say 'let's not do gifts any more, I can't afford it' (or other suitable excuse). You don't just keep accepting gifts from others.

OwlinaTree · 02/04/2018 23:26

Bad guy to my neices/nephews.

blacktiger · 02/04/2018 23:29

I have a similar situation but with my sil. She lives away. My nephew has always had gifts from us and my 2.5year old has never had a birthday or Christmas card!
My ds is too young to know any different just now but my nephew would notice if we stopped. I'm still sending him birthday gifts but not Christmas. Last year I text sil and said to save hassle with postage etc why don't you just buy an extra gift and say it's from us and we'll do the same. She did agree and I did send her a pic of what I was saying was from her but she never said what, if anything, she bought from her.
Might not help just now but something to consider at Christmas?

Lacucuracha · 02/04/2018 23:31

I agree that if exchanging presents was important to them then they would send to your dc too.

If the kids ask you why they haven't got a present, I would just tell you and their mums are not doing presents anymore (or just doing them at Christmas).

Do they give your dc Christmas presents?

Faultymain5 · 02/04/2018 23:35

I was always raised not to give to receive.

Yes, that's true, but it is easy to be said by the one doing all the recieving!

It's also easy to say when, you are happy to gift. No keeping score, just doing what
you want to do.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.