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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just want my 8 year old to play!!

71 replies

Sunflowerhappy · 02/04/2018 14:50

My eight year old just doesn't play.
She goes to swimming lessons and horse riding which she loves and she wants to do more clubs like brownies.
She is constantly harassing me for play dates and I do them when I can (although I hate them) I work full time and find it difficult to arrange play dates around work but we do have them a couple of times a month.
She will sit glued to tv or her kindle but when I restrict this she just mopes about whinging or harasses me to eat rubbish out of boredom. She will not play in her room with toys or draw or read...even though she's a good reader who enjoys reading to me. She constantly wants attention or wants to do things with me which is great but I need time to myself as well. I'm sick of fighting over tv remote, on egg shells when I want to watch something I can't watch anything in peace because she just harasses me.
She has a room full of toys books and craft stuff but unless one of us are part of it she won't do anything by herself!
It's driving me nuts. She constantly needs friends over or one of us to play with.

Do other people's kids act like this or do they also amuse themselves?
It's like having a toddler again!

OP posts:
ludothedog · 02/04/2018 14:52

Yup, completely normal. I think it's time you step up the play dates!

Grilledaubergines · 02/04/2018 14:55

Could you not sit with her and do craft stuff? I think it’s quite nice to do things like that together. Playing on your own isn’t massively enjoyable for most children; they like company. Maybe do things with her.

Fruitcorner123 · 02/04/2018 14:56

Yeah I think its normal. My 7 yr old DS would be on screens the whole time if we let him. When we turn them off he will eventually go to his room or with his Dsis and start playing imaginatively but I essentially have to say "go and play in your room while I do X"

We play board games together at the weekends and try and watch a film or something as a family. I don't agree with ludo about playdates I think 2 a month is fine you work full time so evenings are out and you want some time as a family. Is she an only child?

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 02/04/2018 14:57

When ever we have a friend round it always ends in tears too. We had a friend round on Saturday and dd ended up in tears because her friend wanted to sit at the dining table and draw for ages and dd wanted to go up to her room to play. We took them for a MacDonalds and brought them back to play but her friend just demanded the tv on and they hardly ever spoke let alone play Angry
Her cousin who is the same age always demands technology when she is over or brings her own and dd ends up getting left out and it ends in tears again....i hate play dates.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 15:00

Would a schedule work?

Time with mum
Tv time
Drawing
Snack
Free play with toys
Board game with mum
Help mum make lunch
Tidy my room
Out for a walk
Etc etc?

Where is her dad in this? Does he take responsibility for some of the one to one playtime ‘burden’.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 02/04/2018 15:02

She's an only child yes but we are trying for another. Obviously the age gap would be too big anyway.
We just went a walk in the woods to check out the frogs in the pond and that was just whining and moaning the whole time.
I just find it exhausting. If I'm doing housework or having a shower or cooking the screen is the babysitter. I just wish she would play with Lego or stuff in her toy boxes.
Maybe I was a bit of a loner as a child. I used to love hiding away in my room playing.
Glad to hear it's normal though.

OP posts:
upsideup · 02/04/2018 15:05

My 8 year old ds is very similar personality wise.
I'm guessing she doesnt have any siblings? Shes an extrovert and prefers other peoples company other her own, that can be difficult for an only child. Having another child obviously isnt very helpful advice but do any neighbours have kids that she can start playing with more? Soon she will be able to go and play in local parks with them alone. Can she facetime relatives kids or even just friends sometimes?
Do you have any pets? That would be something that can keep her amused.
Can she join any more clubs? Maybe something like gymnastics or dance that she can practice at home as well. Gymnastics and football are the only things that DS is able to amuse himself with at home.

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 15:05

We just went a walk in the woods to check out the frogs in the pond and that was just whining and moaning the whole time.

In a very gentle way, like super gentle... is she a wee bit spoiled? That’s quite ungrateful and personally I would follow that up with some sort of consequence.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 02/04/2018 15:07

Her dad takes the brunt of it Tbh. She gets too excited with him. He has a sore back because she keeps treating him like a horse or encourages him to swing her about. They play with pokemon cards and do crafty stuff mostly. He's the fun parent.

I enjoy baking with her and we read together a lot and have a shared interest in animals. She does get a lot of interaction I just wish it wasn't from the moment she wakes up till she goes to sleep!
I guess when the summer comes she can go out to play in the cul de sac but then i will turn into the clingy curtain twitcher parent who can't relax. Can't win.

OP posts:
ScipioAfricanus · 02/04/2018 15:08

My 7 year old DS is quite good at playing on his own (he’s an introvert like me and his dad luckily) but I find it really hard to entertain him as much as he’d like even still. He always wants to be conversing about his latest interests (more of a monologue with occasional quiz which catches you out for not listening properly!) or of course happy to sit in front of a screen for hours on end. We do basically say he needs to go off sometimes and play on his own for fifteen mins or so just to get some space if we have been doing activities with him a lot of the day. I also organise more play dates than I’d like but it’s so hard to fit them in and never as many as he’d like really. I don’t have much advice but I don’t think your DD is unusual and I think a bit of moaning and problems with independent play alongside parental effort is not something we should worry too much about.

kitkatsky · 02/04/2018 15:08

My 6yo DD can’t do anything unless I do it with her. We have family coming over and I’ve been cleaning and cooking most of the day while she complains she’s bored. Might as well start chucking out her bedroom full of toys then! Wish she’d enjoy her own company a bit more as I like spending time with her, but feel she’s old enough to spend a little time alone now too

WeaselsRising · 02/04/2018 15:08

My 11 yo is exactly the same. She wants attention and entertaining the entire time. My sympathies; it is very wearing.

Original poster
Sunflowerhappy · 02/04/2018 15:11

I think she is spoilt to some degree yes.
Although when it comes to walks she's just not into it. She moans that she gets tired and she freaks out when a dog is off the lead because her friend was attacked in a bad way last year. Trying to get her over it though.
She did take an interest in the frogs though but unless a friend is with her going for walks with mum and dad are just boring for her.

OP posts:
IAmMatty · 02/04/2018 15:13

That would drive me nuts. I'm happy to do stuff with the kids, but not to the exclusion of everything else. I keep telling them - I'm the mother, not the entertainment, go and find something to do!

I find a wee bit of 'I'm busy in the kitchen just now, why don't you go and find something to do - or you can dry the dishes' quite effective Grin

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 15:14

IAmMatty Words out of my mouth!

“You can help me with this chore or you can go play...”

Fruitcorner123 · 02/04/2018 15:15

*her friend just demanded the tv on and they hardly ever spoke let alone play angry
Her cousin who is the same age always demands technology when she is over or brings her own *

Why are these children allowed to demand things from you? If my nephew is at my house he isn't allowed any more screen time than I say. If we had a friend round to play I would say whether they were allowed to watch TV and for how long.

I suppose at 8 they are still finding their place in certain friendships and trying different people out to see if they fit as friends. We have certain friends round who you would barely notice, you can hear them discuss what they are going to do and then agree something and play nicely. Others are a nightmare and there are tears and arguments. I suppose just encourage her to have different friends round.

I read somewhere that this sort of age 7/8 is quite a transitional age between being a small child who mainly interacts with mummy and daddy to a bigger more independent child. My son loved having ANYONE round to play when he was 4/5 now he prefers to just select specific friends and he thinks about what they would like to play before they come. He is more aware of his friends as individuals and what he has in common with them.

wellalrighty · 02/04/2018 15:17

Could you set up 'invitations to play'? Kids get stuck in a rut with their toys and art stuff, and it can help to give them a prompt and get them going with a new idea.

These blogs have some great ideas tinkerlab.com/creativity-for-kids-easy-creative-invitation/

theimaginationtree.com/creating-invitations-to-play/

Zaphodsotherhead · 02/04/2018 15:18

What about a kind of pet? You work, so a dog is out, but something that is content to sit in a cage when you're not around but happy to be handled and played with and groomed when she's home?

Guinea pigs are a delight, rats are super-intelligent and love being around people. My DIL has degus, but I don't know much about them. But it might give her something to focus on and she can clean out hutches, move runs etc (it's a bit like owning a pony for those who can't have a pony).

Dingdong1975 · 02/04/2018 15:23

My girls are the same, not everyone's choice but I find getting them tablet helped!

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 15:24

Also does she have chores? Does she contribute to the household? Does she have any grasp of personal responsibility?

All in an age appropriate way, of course. But there is another thread on here at the moment about a mum trying to work out how to allow her 7yo to iron because he’s really itching to move on to that next level of independence! (I think she was going to compromise by teaching with a light travel iron.)

The thing that struck me was that dad is still flinging her about like a baby and giving her horse back rides. I’m not sure that’s age appropriate (and this is NOT a criticism! My Dd is an only who is currently being assessed for some SN, I speak from painful experience.)

Andthatsthat · 02/04/2018 15:25

My children are both like this Hmm my youngest more so. You have my sympathies, it’s hard work, especially coupled with the guilt you feel when technology has babysat for hours on end! I was the opposite as a child, loved my own company, and actually played with toys. My children still have unopened toys from Christmas before last. I just make sure they are taking part in extra curricular activities for exercise and socialisation and limit their screen/gadget time, plus arrange play dates when I can. It sounds like you are doing all this too, I think it is a bit of a sign of our times unfortunately

pudcat · 02/04/2018 15:26

Can you give her specific play tasks to do? Build a car/house/animal etc from lego. Design clothes for dolls. Teach her to knit or sew.

NotTakenUsername · 02/04/2018 15:26

We use when/then a lot too.

When we (insert tedious activity), then we will do (insert choice activity).

seethesunaftersnow · 02/04/2018 15:26

My 6 year old son is the same always complaining he's bored but I am quite lucky that he will play by himself or if I suggest something he will do it.