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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for a BME holiday thread?

74 replies

holiday101 · 02/04/2018 14:49

A few posts in travel/chat regarding BME posters being made to feel uncomfortable sadly reminded me that there are areas of UK I would love to visit with my family but have strong reservations that may or may not be justified. We are a mixed race family but are openly Muslim which in the current climate means I am a bit wary of going to places that I perceive to be a typically White British holiday destination. Would like to try Butlins/Haven type places but do fear other children calling my DC names (we often do cottage type holidays where there aren't lots of other people) I don't care much for myself but the DC are at an age where they are being made to feel that they should be ashamed of who they are so as much as possible would like to avoid that.

Just looking for tried and tested family type holiday destinations across UK. Good and bad reviews welcome!

OP posts:
MrsOprah · 02/04/2018 16:14

BME and I've never really felt unwelcome anywhere. Any reservations have been basically my own assumptions/paranoid. Enjoy your holiday

cantthinkofanythingwitty · 02/04/2018 16:21

Really? I think this is likely more to do with your own paranoia than due to other people's attitudes. Book your holiday to where ever you wish to visit and enjoy it

Seniorcitizen1 · 02/04/2018 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FissionChips · 02/04/2018 16:34

We are a mixed family, Bridlington and haven at mablethorpe we have found to be pleasant with a lot of other BAME families.

DonnatellaLyman · 02/04/2018 16:34

I’m white and from a multicultural area. I’ve visited places in the UK where the use of racist language/voicing opinions I consider racist seems to be acceptable.

Sadly, I can see where the OP is coming from, although I can’t offer much good advice!

BarbarianMum · 02/04/2018 16:35

Really cantthink (apt usernamebtw)? You think racism is a figment of the OP's imagination?

OP we're not muslim but have holidayed with black friends. Based on our experiences with them I'd avoid Northern Ireland (southern too but obv not part of the UK) bur recommend the Peak District.

Violetty · 02/04/2018 16:39

No OP isn't being paranoid. I'd be interested to know how many of the replies so far are from ppl wearing a hijab. It's so hard to explain but OP it is there and I think the same before deciding to go anywhere. When you are easily identifiable it makes you an immediate target in this climate. Maybe not always for overt racism but you are definitely subject to more looks than others and last thing you want is to go somewhere where you will feel uncomfortable. That's why you're trying not to set yourself up by going sonewhere where the environment will be hostile BUT op...sometimes the best way is to give it a try and see. People can suprise you, I even have misconceptions about ppl looking like might be hostile but once a connection is made the warmth floods out. Very heartening and both parties go away less fearful of eachother. But it's definitely a 'thing' this islamiphoba. Us women are prime targets. I find even my husband finds it difficult to relate to my experience. He can easily camouflage and also for some reason men are not so openly targeted. He has never ever been racially abused whereas I have lost count of number if times I have been on the receiving end. Men shouting out of their cars, calling me a raghead, on the streets...all times when I was with my children...particularly bad during Brexit and it has died down since. But now it's been seen, you know it's there. This punish a muslim day coming up...my husband will go to work with no second thought. I on the other hand am wondering whether I should keep my children's opticians appointment. It's a state of mind but it's there because of experiences you've had.

Sorry OP can't help with the actual question but just had to jump in to just say I am understanding where you are coming from!

Lindtbunny77 · 02/04/2018 16:51

I can recommend Haven Hopton nearYarmouth, the town itself is surprisingly diverse. Would also recommend Alton Towers, especially the Splash Park, there were lots of people modestly dressed, of all backgrounds. We are a mixed family but as black african muslims choose not to cover. Absolutely get OP's concerns; as a family who aren't obviously muslim we are often privvy to less than inclusive opinions Hmm

PoorYorick · 02/04/2018 16:54

Of course OP is not paranoid.

Sorry OP, I don't have any suggestions but I can't let slide the idea that Islamophobia doesn't exist.

Original poster
holiday101 · 02/04/2018 17:20

I was wary to post this because I remember a similar thread years ago and the same thing happened. To the poster who said I am paranoid; I could be to a certain extent but just because of past experiences. I don't want my children to be called pki bastrds at the pool, for example or other children (or adults!) pretending to speak 'foreign' in our presence because they think it is funny. These things happen in all walks of life, I don't care much but I care for my children who are at that awkward stage in life when they are questioning their own roots/ethnicity.

I am White British so certainly do not think every WB person is racist although now I get called a white p*ki. We go to fairly budget holiday destinations and I specifically asked about holiday parks, which often on MN have been described as having clientele who drink White Lightning on the veranda at lunch time whilst their DC terrorize the park. These are the sort of crowd I would prefer to mavoid as IME the drink fuelled adults are worse than the DC. Thank you for those who suggested specific parks, will check those out.

Barbarian ironically we went to a tiny village in Ireland last year (which I was quite apprehensive about) and the villagers were the friendliest people ever!

OP posts:
Original poster
holiday101 · 02/04/2018 17:21

Also just to clarify that I don't intend it to be a Muslim thread, was just giving our own context.

OP posts:
PoorYorick · 02/04/2018 17:30

You're a Muslim posting about issues relevant to you, there is no reason it shouldn't be a Muslim thread!

MissionItsPossible · 02/04/2018 17:31

I was going to respond to this earlier to placemark and so I could see what sort of thread it would end up being. I think any abuse would be directed at your husband and your relationship than your children though I’m not sure if they are young children or teenagers?

Barbarian ironically we went to a tiny village in Ireland last year (which I was quite apprehensive about) and the villagers were the friendliest people ever!

This was exactly the point I was going to make when I saw the thread earlier. You can go anywhere at any time and run into people who are there at the same time as you and then visit another time and have a completely different experience. Plus, with Butlin holidays, everyone is there for the same reason and will be from all over the UK and elsewhere. So it’s not really about the area you’re visiting if you’re in a complex, it’s about the people that are holidaying with you which you actually have no say over anyway. I understand where you’re coming from with this thread btw as I am mixed race and in an interracial relationship too. I am meant to be going on holiday later in the year although don’t know if it’s still happening now as a road trip through America. I am shitting it to tell you the truth.

ThickSocksWoolyHat · 02/04/2018 17:33

I'm not Muslim but I am mixed race.

We do bigger Haven sites for our holidays in Wales, purely because there's more on offer. The vast majority of holidaymakers are travelling in from the Midlands like us, or Liverpool/Cheshire. There's not a huge amount of BME families on site, but most families come from ethnically diverse areas. In the local areas where BME population is low, it might raise some issues but on camp the kids just get on with being kids or families just do their own thing.

I do get where you're coming from though. I remember my white nan and aunt taking me on a caravan holiday in the late 80's and randoms asking my aunt if my dad was black as they assumed she was my mum and her kids were white with red hair.

BarbarianMum · 02/04/2018 17:36

I'm glad you had a good time in Ireland. Smile We found the people (mostly) friendly, but my friends definitely found the staring really wearing (it was pretty incessant).

TheNoseyProject · 02/04/2018 17:40

It’s tricky as it probably depends on the people there at the time. Few places, I think, constantly attract racist people but one or two loud mouth idiots can ruin a decent place for anyone.

lattewith3shotsplease · 02/04/2018 17:40

OP.
Totally get what you're saying......Flowers

Original poster
holiday101 · 02/04/2018 17:46

Thank you so much for the suggestions, will check them out. The DC are teens and tweens so at that self conscious stage.

Mission sadly we have found that the DC are often at the receiving end of the name calling. It is them that I want to protect, especially whilst on holiday. I remember on another similar thread a poster saying that whilst in Eastern Europe somewhere that people made monkey noises at her son who was mixed race Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
holiday101 · 02/04/2018 17:51

Barbarian yes they did stare, but we are well used to that and it doesn't bother me. The (lovely) caretaker of the cottage told us very excitedly that we were the talk of the place as they had never had a foreigner in the village before. The people we spoke to were very warm and friendly though.

I distinctly remember Cornwall being a high frequency destination mentioned for BME travellers who felt unwelcome. Any positive stories? I would love to go there.

OP posts:
ThickSocksWoolyHat · 02/04/2018 17:56

I have a friend who is white Polish living here in the UK and has mixed race children with her black Jamaican husband. They deal with a lot of racism in Poland when she visits her mum. Here, they are just them.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 02/04/2018 18:00

As BME, the first thing we think about when choosing an overseas holiday destination, is whether any BME friends have received racist abuse there. We've had holidays spoiled by it, and frankly I'd rather not. Obviously this involves making unpleasant generalisations, and there will be lovely people everywhere, but it's not a risk I want to take on holiday.

It's the only time I really consider BME issues actively.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 02/04/2018 18:01

Yes, my Polish white friend says the same. And black friends had the monkey noise thing there. That's why we've never gone.

ProjectMoose · 02/04/2018 18:04

Hmm at the posters saying op is paranoid.

My family are mixed race and I can understand what you're saying op and given the rising tide of anti Muslim sentiment I can appreciate your concerns.

We don't tend to go away very often due to lack of funds but have found parts of the south coast very pleasant and also Robin Hood's Bay.

How old are your children? Unfortunately its a tough life lesson that lots of us have had to learn (not to say that we should just accept prejudice!) all you can really do is give your children the tools to deal with it and not internalise any negativity they encounter.

KC225 · 02/04/2018 18:07

What does BME stand for?

MissionItsPossible · 02/04/2018 18:09

@holiday101 I read your reply with a sinking heart because I was about to say “that post was mine” until I read the part about the son as I have also posted on here that I had monkey chants made at me in Eastern Europe and had bananas thrown at me in France. I totally get what you’re saying. I do not have children though and live in a very multicultural area and haven’t really been on any holidays with children. I mistakenly thought that the kids would be fine and it would be the attitude of some backwards parents that would be the problem, but apparently not?
And I also get you re: Cornwall. I have always wanted to go but never felt like I wanted to venture there. Equally, some posters on here who live there who love it and don’t have a racist bone in their body and don’t associate with racist people could be annoyed reading this that we would think of their home place like this. And if we hung out with them and their friends we may think it is a wonderful accepting place. I think the point I’m clumsily trying to make is sometimes about the people you encounter and not the area. But would I gladly go to somewhere like Cornwall and not be apprehensive something might happen? No.

Sorry for your children I naively thought this didn’t happen any more o were very isolated incidents. But this thread has made me realise I very much stay in my comfort zones where things like this aren’t frequent