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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if I should try to rehome pets

88 replies

terrinesea · 02/04/2018 14:05

Contentious subject, I know.

Please try to tell me what you would do if you were me.

Until four years ago, I was doing really well, on top of everything, then things went tits up due to the trauma of a false allegation and not only did I lose my job, friends and home but I lost what felt like my identity too.

I worked in a different field and sort of had things sorted. My cats have been my constant source of companionship.

Now I have a real opportunity to start over. Abroad.

I’m desperate to go but I don’t know what to do about cats.

Should I rehome?

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 02/04/2018 15:11

Thank you for answering my question about where you live.

Unfortunately i live in the south so my idea don't work.

Ignore those people who are making out that you are doing this on a whim, it is clear that you aren't.

Sorry I couldn't help you.

JessTessMess · 02/04/2018 15:11

Good luck terrin I would rehome by asking your local cat charities/vet the best way to do it. Life’s full of hard choices sometimes and sounds like you’ve had quite a few of those recently and I hope the new start works out.

You’re always going to get a few responses telling you you’re Satan, I’d reserve that for the people that don’t rehome through proper methods.

TheFirstMrsDV · 02/04/2018 15:14

avocados
You are talking about different issues.
A person who takes on a dog and gets rid because they can't be bothered to train is nothing like someone who has to move abroad in order to get their life back on track.

The person who took the dog for the second time would have known they were emigrating. The OP didn't know when she got her cats that her life was going to be turned upside down.

Of course everyone should do all within their power to keep their pets.
Sometimes its not possible.
Lumping everyone who rehomes a pet together is stupid.

crochetmonkey69 · 02/04/2018 15:15

I love animals, but people come first , enjoy getting back on track and taking the opportunity

JessTessMess · 02/04/2018 15:17

I don’t even see it as a conflict ok who comes first - the cats are going to be better off with a new owner, the current owner is going to be better off if she can massively improve her life.

Bettercallsaul1 · 02/04/2018 15:18

There are many people who would welcome an older, quieter cat. My elderly neighbour is now on to her third one, having given two other older cats a very loving home as long as they needed it. She actively didn't want a young, lively one and wanted a house cat to curl up on her knee and keep her company.

JacquesHammer · 02/04/2018 15:20

There are many people who would welcome an older, quieter cat.

That’s a really good point actually. I do a lot of promotion for a local cat charity and they rehome older, adult cats far easier than kittens

paddingtonbear1 · 02/04/2018 15:22

OP in your situation I would try and rehome your cats locally, can your vet help or a local rescue charity. We got our cat from the local RSPCA, she had been abandoned when her previous owner emigrated. At least you're not going to do that! Ours doesn't like other cats or I would offer to take yours on. Good luck.

starsorwater · 02/04/2018 15:23

Our local vets help with rehoming.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 02/04/2018 15:30

I worked in a different field and sort of had things sorted.
Now I have a real opportunity to start over. Abroad

This isn't a predicament, this isn't getting her life back on track (which the OP, by her own account, has already done). This is moving abroad in the hope of a better life.

And my opinions would be entirely different if we were talking about someone fleeing DV - but we're not.

PersianCatLady · 02/04/2018 15:31

Won't work NOT don't work

PNGirl · 02/04/2018 15:31

Agree about people wanting older cats; they are not dogs. People often view older dogs as hard work as they may have picked up bad behaviour habits, but cats don't seem to have that stigma.

TheJoyOfSox · 02/04/2018 15:37

Oh this would break my heart, absolutely.

I love my cats so much I couldn’t bare to part with them. How do you think you would manage? More importantly, how would your cats manage?

If they are ‘sensible and well rounded cats that can adapt ‘ I think reforming would be kinder.

I think the journey to overseas would be traumatic to say the least.

Could you post on Facebook and see if you could rehome them to a friend, that way you’d still be able to see updates, photos etc.

Stillgameforalaugh · 02/04/2018 15:40

They're cats.. they won't care where they go. You need to sort your life and do the best for you. Cats are ten a penny...

TheFirstMrsDV · 02/04/2018 15:40

This is moving abroad in the hope of a better life
A very good reason for rehoming cats.

You don't rehome pets on a whim.
You don't move abroad on a whim

sunshinesupermum · 02/04/2018 15:42

It's such a sad thing to have to do when your pets are the only family you have (some posters here don't seem to appreciate that when life goes wrong pets are a lifeline especially where mental health is involved.)

I'd also recommend Cats Protection OP but as one of your pets is elderly he/she may not get placed in a new home. Speaking from experience people don't often take them partly because of the expense of vet bills.

We homed two of our cats last year one was 16 and the other 12 and both had serious health issues within weeks of us taking them and died after a few months :-( Much as we wanted to home another golden oldie the emotional turmoil proved too much and we've since taken a kitten instead.

VladmirsPoutine · 02/04/2018 15:45

More importantly, how would your cats manage?

Oh don't be so mawkish.

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/04/2018 15:46

A good friend of mine is actively looking for an older, indoor cat to rescue but very few come up.

specialsubject · 02/04/2018 15:48

My thoughts too. Is the op expected to turn this down because of animals that won't care and will die long before she does?

Given hindsight, she might not have taken them on. It is what it is.

Their needs will be met by rehoming. No issue.

BrendasUmbrella · 02/04/2018 15:51

I volunteer for Cats Protection. All our cats find homes eventually, even if they come back a few times! And we have a few ladies who are paid costs to take care of elderly cats, like feline retirement homes! (Try CP first, RSPCA is far far far more likely to euthanize. It may vary area to area but in all my time with my branch of CP I've only heard of terminally sick and in pain cats being put down.)

IHaveBrilloHair · 02/04/2018 15:51

The cats would manage, I've thought that about mine as a couple of times I've had to consider rehoming due to medical issues, but you know what?, that's just me being daft, they'd adapt to new owners and develop different wee habits there.
Mine got used to my daughter not being here, they got used to a new person when I got a cleaner, they are now getting used to cleaner's Granddaughter coming around.
They adapt, so long as they are fed they'll be fine.

forceslover · 02/04/2018 15:52

LEave the cats at a rejoining place and have a fresh start. It is sad about them but staying i. A pretty miserable situation isn't good for anyone. And cats are rarely loyal anyway. Good luck.

bridgetjonesmassivepants · 02/04/2018 15:58

Can't believe some of these threads. It's a cat, not a first born child. Some posters need to get a grip. Why on earth would you put your life on hold to look after a cat? It's unfortunate but they will be fine. You must put yourself before any animals.

Find the numbers of local shelters, ring, see if any will take your cats. I recently adopted three siblings and took them because they were older cats - didn't want the hassle of training a kitten. Somebody else will adopt your cats and look after them.

Good luck with your new life abroad.

mirime · 02/04/2018 16:02

They're cats.. they won't care where they go.

And all similar comments. It depends on the cat. I had one cat who pined and lost weight everytime I went away. When we moved out of my parents house we considered leaving him there as I felt at his age it wasn't fair to move him. It became clear it would be crueller to leave him.

Not to make you feel bad, OP. Sometimes you do need to do what is best for you and it sounds like you've been through some difficult times. As others have mentioned, Cats Protection are well worth trying, the few times my family contacted them they were brilliant.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 02/04/2018 16:02

Personally I couldn’t do it as I know there’s a very high chance a rescue would put my cat to sleep rather than try to rehome him due to some health issues. However, if the cats are healthy and you are careful about which shelter to send them to, then I’m sure they’ll cope. For Gods sake don’t send them to the RSPCA as I doubt they will even try to rehome the elderly one.

Good luck, whatever you do.