Jeez get a room

[Dollyparton3]

So, Dbro has recently separated and got together with the woman he was suspected of having an affair with (a story for another day)

He’s been on and off with this woman for over a year, most recently a fortnight ago he declared it over, this weekend he’s told all of our friends that she’s the “love of my life”.

Last night we were at a friends house having had Easter lunch there. He invites the new lady round early evening (didn’t ask the host) and then proceeded to behave like a teenager in front of everyone. Totally ignored the rest of us, huge PDA with her, snogging like he was stuck to her face, at one point picking her up and carrying her round the lounge dancing to music, I could go on.

This isn’t the first time, he did the same on Friday at my house where we may as well have not been in the same room as them. And on not occasions there’s been very teenage snogging behaviour in front of everyone. If he’s not sucking her face he’s mooning all over her (you know the thing, foreheads touching, whispering sweet nothings etc)?

I’m so embarrassed and my other half and I have decided not to invite them to anything until they get over themselves but i’d Just rather say something. But how do you broach this one? “Hey bro, save it for the bedroom?” What would you say and I guess. AIBU?

Maybe something like “it’s nice your happy together but it makes everyone very uncomfortable when you’re snogging like a couple of teenagers in the back row of the cinema.”

Ah you’re not your!

Give them a round of applause and hold up scorecards

Tell the pair of them to stop being embarrassing and making others feel awkward in their company.

“Did you realise how much you humiliated yourself and GF and spoiled the evening for everyone? FGS grow up and get a room”

If he were mine, it would be along the lines of "Stop trying to prove you had a good reason to cheat on and lie to your wife. You look like you're having a midlife crisis and everyone can see through you, it's pathetic."

Sorry if you like your brother but I would be furious and mortified if it were mine.

PDAs like this are often a cover-up for problems in the relationship. I would be tempted just to leave them to it until they either get over it or split up.

I am mortified @gummygoddess! It’s just all kinds of messy, she doesn’t endear her selves to anyone either as she just follows him round like some sort of limpet and barely speaks, we’re still all trying. To strike the balance of spending time with ex sis in law as well.

I agree with those who suggest that some of it is a display

I’m in a similar position with my own dbro. It’s very public as I suppose he needs to prove it was worth it and it wasn’t his fault - TRUE love just struck them. Nothing they could do etc.

My way round it is to live in another country. Is that possible ?

A poster on MN once said that people getting together after an affair often behave like this as they feel they have to prove that their relationship was worth the damage they caused. They have to be star-crossed lovers with a deep and passionate love like no other who just can't be apart, otherwise they're just two shitty people who hurt others for their sordid affair.

I think they definitely may have had a point.

I'd be very tempted to say something scathing, but OTOH if you completely ignore it hopefully they'll burn out soon, and then it'll be back to the drab reality of a normal relationship. You'll see then whether they last or not.

It'll all end in tears.

I'd tell him exactly what Gummy said.

Yes, I'm with Gummy too !
He needs taking on one side, and telling straight !

Dollyparton, Awkward. If it were my brother, I'd take him to one side and say, "If it were really true love, you wouldn't need to parade it like this in front of other people. You're making us all feel uncomfortable so just pack it in".

No need to say anything in front of anybody else - and if Limpet-lips decides to cling-on to him whilst you're saying it, then so be it.

I'm mean and would have said something about them being very close despite him saying it was all over a fortnight ago.

It’s territory marking. He’s trying to prove a point.

And yes, I’d take him aside.

People who do this want someone to say something so they can be assured they've been noticed; play the lovelorn martyrs and have a lovely self-indulgent conversation about how everyone is jealous of them. Ignoring them is the only way. It's the sort of attention-seeking that most people grow out of after their first teenage relationship.

A poster on MN once said that people getting together after an affair often behave like this as they feel they have to prove that their relationship was worth the damage they caused. They have to be star-crossed lovers with a deep and passionate love like no other who just can't be apart, otherwise they're just two shitty people who hurt others for their sordid affair.

Absolutely this.

I'd come up with something as dispassionate as possible otherwise it'll just give him reason to believe it's them against the world

I have friends like this. Just to warn you they’ve been married 5 years and together 10. It’s never changed. They say goodbye like he’s going to war when thwy leave for work. They stare into each other’s eyes at any given opportunity.
So it’s not always a new relationship thing. I never tried to stop them but i do think it’s weird.

Oh theres a time and a place for all that. When me and dp go anywhere. We don't even sit near each other. We not joined at the hip.
If people where fawning over each other in my home. I'd be telling them In no uncertain terms that's it's not a knocking shop. I refuse point blank to be made to feel uncomfortable in my own home. End of argument. If they didn't like it off they jolly well sodding pop, theres the door

@Awwlookatmybabyspider that made me giggle!

And as some other posters have said, this really does feel like it’s all for show but it’s incredibly poorly thought through if it is. I said to my OH if he was in my face that much I’d be inclined to punch him at close range.

It’s nauseating and very teenage behaviour. They’re acting 13, not early 40’s

@phlewf, how have you managed not to barf in their presence?

@phlewf

They say goodbye like he’s going to war when thwy leave for work.

That made me laugh. Do they snog or are they just staring at each other and whispering sweet nothings?

I’m not going to lie. After a few glasss of wine I make faces behind their backs. And we (the rest of our friends) have a serious of long running jokes about trying to get them 50 feet apart.
The reality is someone once made a comment about “get a room”. It didn’t go down well and has never been forgiven.

Tbh, as bad as it is, i wouldn't have anyone take the piss out of a loved Sibling, the way your Friends are, I certainly wouldn't join in. Making faces behind someone's back is pathetic, just behave like an Adult yourself and address the issue.