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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not finish my masters?

65 replies

MarkBorrigan · 01/04/2018 20:37

I'm approaching 2/3 of the way through my masters. I have 3 essays (12,000 words combined) to write and a dissertation (15,000 words) left.

I have not enjoyed this degree, I wanted to leave two weeks in but I didn't quite have the courage, and I was hoping the content/teaching and my enjoyment of it would improve. It has not. Both of my lovely parents have been very ill this year, my DM had breast cancer and a mastectomy on the day of my first round of deadlines - amazingly I got my first set of essays in, and the marks were ok, two merits and a distinction. Thankfully my wonderful mum doesn't need anymore treatment, other than Tamoxifen. My Ddad has also been ill, in and out and hospital, right up until as recently as this week. I have been undergoing blood tests for the same genetic disorder that has been making Ddad so ill - thankfully I don't have it, but it took 9 months to find out.

This has all had a serious impact on my ability to concentrate. Then, now bare with me here, my degree got heavily affected by the strikes over pensions, I have lost 5 weeks of teaching, and the whole degree has only 20 weeks of teaching in total. I respect their right to strike but it has seriously impacted on my ability to write my next round of essays, I just do not have the knowledge there as I haven't been taught it. I also feel quite let down and am lacking inclination, if I'm honest. My grandad has also been in hospital this week. I feel like I've been so unlucky this year.

I work 25 hours a week and I am getting married in September, if I do my dissertation I will have less than a week between submitting it and my wedding day. If I manage to submit the three upcoming essays due the middle of May I will leave with a Postgraduate Diploma. For context, this is not a degree that leads towards a specific career path, it's in the social sciences. I already have a first class undergraduate degree. Given the circumstances, WIBU to forget the dissertation and completing the full masters and just aim for the diploma?

OP posts:
nicelyneurotic · 01/04/2018 20:55

There will be plenty of people telling you YABU, but I wouldn't continue either.
Sounds like you have a lot going on.
I wouldn't make a rash decision, what does your partner think? Could you temporarily work fewer hours?

Timeforabiscuit · 01/04/2018 21:04

Is it funded? Would you need to pay back fees if you withdraw?

If self funded, i would say stop, you need proper commitment to push through the dissertation and if you arent feeling it its a hellish slog. At the same time, youve got great marks considering the pressure youve been under, only you know if your tank is empty.

Have a conversation with your course tutors about whats going on, I had nothing but understanding in a similar situation and they were incredibly supportive. In my course group we had a pregnancy, divorce and re-marriage, promotion to directorship, and a few who had long standing health problems - life happens over a three year course when youve got dependents and commitments other than study.

Good luck with your decision, and hope your parents health improves.

Original poster
MarkBorrigan · 01/04/2018 21:06

Thank you @nicelyneurotic
It don't feel it would be a rash decision if I did decide not to carry on, I have been feeling this way since September, since almost immediately after I started the degree.

My DP has literally just this second said that objectively he would say if there is any possible way I could finish the full degree then I should, but that he knows that that's easier said than done. He says its most important that I'm happy. And I'm not. I'm exhausted; I've had a headache solidly for literally the last month. I just don't think I have it in me to finish this degree. I don't have the inner strength, it's literally unbearable when I sit myself down and force myself to write essays. Unfortunately asking to work fewer hours isn't an option; and even if it was I wouldn't do it. We need the money, and I enjoy work anyway, infinitely more than my degree. Thank you though Smile

OP posts:
outofmydepth45 · 01/04/2018 21:09

I suggest you pause for a year, don't chuck it in just give yourself some space. Also cite input due to strike action on your defer/pause request

Jon66 · 01/04/2018 21:09

Finish it. You can do it. Can your partner take on more of the load at home for a few months. It will be worth it.

Original poster
MarkBorrigan · 01/04/2018 21:09

@Timeforabiscuit Thank you so much, and great name!

One thing really jumped out at me: only you know if your tank is empty

It is. It really is. But I don't know how to tell if this is just temporary tiredness and I need to push through it, or whether I really need to stop for the sake of my mental health.

OP posts:
Mayhemmumma · 01/04/2018 21:10

Oh gosh I'd say push through and get it done! You're quite close and despite all your recent troubles you are getting good marks and can do it! It's agonising finishing a degree imo and requires considerable determination.

What will be the impact on your future education/training/employment opportunities without the degree?

And how much money will you loose?

Poodletip · 01/04/2018 21:12

Do you need to decide now? Will it make any discernable difference to your future if you get a PgDip rather than a Masters?

Original poster
MarkBorrigan · 01/04/2018 21:12

@Jono66 Thank you for your words of encouragement. He already is. He's doing literally everything domestic, and he's always been head chef and dog walker. There are no issues there.

@outofmydepth45 I feel that if I pause I won't go back. DP and I are marrying in September, and we're planning to ttc from then. I don't want to delay that for health reasons, thank you though.

I'll definitely talk to my tutor/s after the Easter break.

OP posts:
SueGeneris · 01/04/2018 21:13

Is it possible to 'pause' your degree and return to it the same time next year? Or convert to part time to achieve the same result. Can you speak to your tutor and explain the situation and ask if there are other options?

SueGeneris · 01/04/2018 21:14

Sorry - just read other posts!

Liara · 01/04/2018 21:17

I think if you are leaning towards not doing it you have nothing to lose by asking for a deferral - if you end up not doing it the following year you will not have lost anything.

I think given your personal circumstances and the strikes you have a reasonable case to argue that you should be given an extension.

Original poster
MarkBorrigan · 01/04/2018 21:17

I need to decide quite soon. My next set of fees are due at the end of April, and I won't be paying them if I'm not going ahead with the dissertation. I will have spent only the fees for the first two terms, funded by a postgraduate loan, from which I will gain a PgDip. The impact on my future career and earning potential will be nothing or extremely minimal; this is not a degree that will lead to a specific career path. It was undertaken out of personal interest, which has now completely vanished.

OP posts:
Liara · 01/04/2018 21:18

And if you start ttc in october even in the best of cases you still have a fair bit of next year to do it in!

MrsDc7 · 01/04/2018 21:19

I think from reading your responses that you have made your mind up. I am currently 2/3 of the way through a full time masters, I work 25 hours a week and have 3 young children. I'm also in the process of moving. I understand how you feel but the only person you will be letting down is yourself. The very real likelihood is that you will look back on this in a few years and wish you had just knuckles down and pushed through. It's not cheap doing a MA/MSC either so a shame to waste your money. Good luck with whatever you decide

MrsDc7 · 01/04/2018 21:20

*knuckled

Balancingact12 · 01/04/2018 21:20

Honestly if you can just push through , sometimes if you don’t give yourself the option of quitting getting on with it just has to be done... liken it to childbirth if you have had dc... the labour is beyond shit but there’s no way out and the end bit of getting it over with is pretty good Wink. Wish you all the best

eridanus · 01/04/2018 21:22

On one hand, It is ok to drop it if it is too much, only you know that, you have to be kind to yourself and that is an awful lot of stress you have on board. I am surprised you have come this far.

However, you seem to feel you can do the 3 essays, it would be a shame to come out of it with nothing if you are 2/3 of the way through, so I do think you if you could give it a final push, do for a postgrad at least, otherwise the stress and how you have coped was for nothing tangible.

Your results are quite good, for your undergraduate and the initial part of the masters. Might it be that you also feel that due to the circumstances that you can't keep up that standard and so it's all or nothing? You could possibly do what you can dissertation wise with the aim of getting a lower pass that would still qualify you. When you write MSc on your CV, you are rarely questioned about the level of the award. An MSc is an Msc. Or possibly defer it for another year if that is allowed through whoever you are studying it.

Personally I would plod on a little longer with the aim of the diploma and see how I feel after that. If you absolutely have not enjoyed the course (is that the teaching methods rather than the proposed use of the qualification?) then set yourself free from it and enjoy the build up to your wedding. Sorry not great advice.

suckmasterburstingfoam · 01/04/2018 21:22

Good grief, you absolutely don't need to push on through. Deciding to stop something is a positive decision. It's not about giving up, it's about doing something positive to make yourself happier. Imagine how relieved you'll feel, after you've told them you're not going to finish, and the dissertation goes away.

Liara · 01/04/2018 21:22

I really sympathise, as I did my masters just like that. I was also working full time, and my job went crazy mid way through, so I ended up having to ask for a deferral twice, which was granted. I wrote my dissertation mostly on planes.

But in the end I'm glad I did it. Not because it was interesting (it wasn't really, other than to show to me how over that particular subject I was), but because I don't have the 'what if' that I might have if I hadn't finished it.

I also got a huge buzz when it was eventually done!

But that's also down to personality, I'm very stubborn and hate quitting anything, so it would have bugged me forever if I had.

JessieMcJessie · 01/04/2018 21:23

What made you want to do it in the first place? Was it that you had done so well in your undergrad that you felt academically pressured to continue?
You say you don’t need it for a particular job. How will your future be affected if you don’t finish?
You’re about to embark on a period of your life where you won’t be defined at all by academic achievement. It sounds to me like this Masters could just be a bad memory of lots of pressure but not really mean much in the long run. Be kind to yourself, you’ve already done exceptionally well in your first degree.

Leatherboundanddown · 01/04/2018 21:24

Firstly you need to make an appointment with your personal tutor to talk this through. If they are striking go to student services and insist someone talks to you.

During my masters a few years back I considered quitting too, life was very stressful. I looked into the possibility of deferring for one academic year which is stopping the clock with no penalty and then resuming the same time next year.

In your case, you may well be able to negotiate starting again at the start of semester 2 (mid Jan 2019?) Due to the amount of teaching you have missed, it is worth asking and being proactive about this, I bet the lecturers would not have an issue with this, they want you to pass well after all.

I really would not quit, with fees rising so much year on year it may be something you would never be able to finance once again. I am so glad I carried on with mine, it has been good for my career (I am also in soc sci) and has given me an edge when applying for anything.

If you were to pause now it would give you time to get your head together, sort the wedding and then have a honeymoon and Christmas break before returning again fresh in the new year.

Go and talk to the uni before you make any decisions. Good luck with it.

NeedForBlossom · 01/04/2018 21:25

Dig deep, finish it. It is relatively such a short time to go and you have already coped with loads...you can do it Flowers

impostersyndrome · 01/04/2018 21:25

You poor thing! As an MA tutor I would certainly encourage you to seek advice on your options. Whether you can switch to part time or just go for postgrad diploma will depend on regulations where you are. But do get advice. Most university lecturers will have seen every permutation of extenuating circumstances at masters level, and will indeed want to help.

impostersyndrome · 01/04/2018 21:26

But I disagree about pushing through if you’ve missed loads. Better to interrupt if you have the option, than underperform.