To want to protect my assets

[AmazingGrace16]

DH and I have been together 13 years, married, I dc with 1 on the way. Perfectly happy but like everyone we have our ups and downs I suppose!

We bought our first house about 4 years ago with a 35k deposit that I put down. Since then we have sold and bought again and I will have contributed an extra 100k to the house in the format of either additional deposit or money for a large extension.

We had a conversation a couple of years ago about me protecting that money (he brought it up) but it wasn't 100k+ then so it always went on the back burner.

Would I be unreasonable to want to protect that 135k in some way and how would I go about doing it? It's all been inheritance or money gifted to me.

Ta!

As you've been married for 13 years, if you got divorced all assets would be considered together when determining the financial split. Even if you had some money put away in your own name it would be taken into account as a marital asset. I'm not aware of a way to ring fence assets in the way you want.

I think it could depend of which country you are in. I think it is a wise move to protect your money. Do you still have any of the legal letters about the inheritance? You could have a chat with a lawyer before doing anything more serious

Where did the money come from?

Thanks, we are in England. I didn't know if there was a way of protecting that 135k so that say if our house was valued at 535k then I would get 135 + half the remaining so 335 in total whereas he would get 200.

I'm trying to think pragmatically about just in case scenarios!

Hold the property as tenants in common with proportions laid out clearly and have a deed of trust drafted to reflect those proportions. Both parties need to take independent legal advice then sign in front of witnesses. Your local high street solicitor can do this for you. Cost about 250 pound. Legally binding providing both have taken independent legal advice.

Thank you. Now for the aibu part. AIBU to want to do this just in case?

there is no way to protect this money. It’s in the pot.

It’s a bit late to be asking about it now!

And also a bit sinister

If you are in England I am afraid it’s too late - your marriage is long enough that the split will be based on needs rather than contribution so 50/50 will be the starting point and then the children’s needs will come next. I paid for all our house but he still got 40% on the divorce. I only got more than 50% as I had to House the children.

Not at all. I'm a solicitor and have done so. Why wouldn't you is more the question?

Please don't listen to those who say you can't. You can, you should.

Thanks Jon66 It was when we signed tenancy on the new property that the question of tenants in common came up. Are previous posters incorrect by stating that because we are married that everything is 50/50 should we separate?

When DH and I brought our house there was a form we filled about essentially if out initial contribution for the morgage was 50/50 so it could be clear that DH contributed x amount and I contributed y -(it was about a 70/30 again due to DH receiving an inheritance) so in the invent of a spilt we would each get out initial outlay back them the remaining value would be spilt equally. So I know it's possible when you initially set up a mortgage so put something in place legally

You would be best seeking proper legal advice from a solicitor. Each situation is unique and with such a large amount at stake...you'll want to be sure.

A deed of trust sets out how the property is held and in what proportion. If you both agree having taken independent advice separately, the property ownership is as laid out in the deed of trust. A court in divorce is unlikely to overturn a deed of trust unless there are exceptional reasons. See a solicitor.

I don't suppose yabu.

Personally as someone with a similar length relationship (14 years, married 4) I can't even imagine splitting our contributions so tbh or laying it out legally.

We've been a team since we were teenagers, we've grown and developed together and made equal contributions towards our life together, even though our financial contributions are far from equal. I'd only ever want a 50% split.

You can’t protect them as such as you are married. If acrimonious you could prove the money was yours for consideration by the judge in the matter.

Do it. Aside from the divorce issue if your DH was to go bankrupt or be sued, your contribution would be protected. It would also affect how it passes on your death so if you were to both die in an accident together, you can ensure your larger share stays in your family and not his

I do feel the same in that we've been together forever and are very much a team. It's an unthinkable situation which I honestly can't foresee but it's likely I will come into some more money and I suppose I'm just trying to give myself some protection.
He's a high earner and I'm disabled. If I were to become a single parent I would hugely struggle to earn what I currently do whilst looking after kids etc. That was my thought behind it all.

Even if you never divorce, if you die and he remarries and has more dc, you can ensure the assets that came from your inheritance go to your dc and not his subsequent ones.

So not unreasonable, really (although in a similar situation I have not done it), but then have been with dh for almost 3 decades, so it's a bit different.

You can certainly try in England. Might well succeed. It's just not guaranteed, because in the event of a split, the longer you've been married the more likely a particular asset is to be 'in the pot'. This is particularly so if there are children with needs to be met.

If you are both in agreement it’s easy to set it up as jon66 said. 50/50 is a good starting point if their is disagreement

Of course you are reasonable to want to do this.

My ex husband received a large inheritance from his grandmother .

When we divorced he got that amount back ( plus his redundancy lump sum) from the house sale and then we spit the rest. We didn’t use lawyers at all.

But as said upthread you can get it legally drawn up if you prefer.

But then I’m a very reasonable person who did the right thing.
Sounds like your husband may be the same if it was him who brought it up.

You can ringfence but it may not hold up in court. If it was automatic loads of people would be on that bandwagon. You've been married years - you will not be allowed to withhold youroney. It's family money. Anyone who says you can should be able to put up a clear link to how you can actually do it.

What most people say is what they wish or believe should happen. That is nothing to do with what the law actually is. There is no wishful thinking caveat.

& even if you sign some kind of pre-nup or assets document at outset of marriage or house purchase, time living family life together is still going to be taken into account. It's not likely to hold up in court or release the funds amount you think it will.

I've not heard of any signed document that can guarantee what the Courts will view as marital assets

YADNBU to want to do this, you’re being sensible. It isn't 100% cast iron guaranteed, but it’s as good as it gets in England, and generally speaking, for good reason.

In your DH’s position I’d be totally happy with you doing that. Assets pre marriage & inheritances, I feel, are totally fine to be ‘ring fenced’. I don’t feel the same about earned money because to me that’s a ‘known’ fact when you get married & you should ‘share’

If your DH objects, ask him why? Ask him why he should benefit from family inheritance or money you saved before you got married? If he says he wouldn’t do it, then just tell him it’s easy to say when you’re not the vulnerable one in the relationship, or the one with an inheritance.

Oh and before we get the ‘If you were the man it would be different’ yeah, hands up, it probably would - but 199/200 times it’s the woman who has the responsibility for the children when a relationship breaks down. No children, then perfectly fair for either to do so.

Please listen to Jon66 and take legal advice of your own. Posters here are giving you really bad advice when not knowing the law. As far as most of MN is concerned there is only this thing called ‘family money’. 🙄