Ditched by DH

[dawndown]

DH has decided to go out and spend time on his hobby today. (It’s not a group thing like a sport, it’s just him, alone.) He decided this morning, when I thought we would be spending today together as a family. Although he asked if it was alright to go, it wasn’t a discussion, his words were, “tell me not to go and I won’t.” I don’t nag or dictate as to what he can do, so I found this odd. I let him know that I’d planned to spend the day together with the DCs and was disappointed, but I just kept getting that response.

I’m feeling pretty low about our relationship at the moment, a lot of late nights at the office, not getting in until gone 10pm so he’s not seeing DC or me much other than his days off.

He’s been out since 2pm and due back in about 45mins. I feel the days been a bit crap for the rest of us because of this, but AIBU? I mean, it’s his day off he should be doing what he wants to, and we’re not religious, so we celebrate Easter by eating chocolate eggs and a family meal.
But I can’t help feeling really put out that me and the kids have taken a backseat to his hobby today.

Getting you to play the bad guy and saying no is infantile. He should be mature enough to self-regulate this kind of stuff. I had a massive problem with DH doing this - he was gone all the bloody time for various hobbies. He would not see reason - we went whole weekends without seeing each other. We had counselling. We realised we had slipped into a parent/child role. We only had 2 sessions and realised we had both screwed up - it has been much better since.

That's why I put it in inverted commas. I'm done explaining. You don't know any more about the situation than the rest of us. It's OP's thread, not yours or mine, so we should stop derailing it.

I love a mysterious mumsnet hobby!

My husband is also away this weekend and won't be back until tomorrow afternoon. I embrace the time with DDs when it's just me- we've cooked lunch together, been to the park, watched stupid YouTube videos I might actually like reacticorns and now they're in bed I have a glass of wine and an Easter egg to demolish. Why do you need DH to be there to have family time?

FWIW I have recently been promoted and have also had late nights, early starts and my head has been in work mode not family mode- I'm not having an affair! I went away, alone, for a weekend a few weeks back to get my head back in the right space- perhaps your DH needs the same?

it was the way he asked. It was so inflammatory and just kept repeating it.

Makes it seem like he doesn't want to be at home. You expressing you didn't want him to go was very reasonable..and I understand you not telling him not to stay.

Do you ever get out of the house yourself? Spend time without the kids? Because it sounds like you're left with them pretty much all the time.

this is the latest i can stay

sounds ominous a hobby he does alone but has to go at a certain time

Yes, especially one where he creates a row beforehand so that he can stomp off.