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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother In Laws

48 replies

jamesk0001 · 31/03/2018 22:21

My DW invited her mother around for Easter Sunday dinner tomorrow and she accepted week ago.

This evening she calls and says she has another offer with DW's sister and her son and girlfriend who she has never met, but never mind, she will come to us.

DW was happy because she has gone to a lot of bother over the dinner already but felt really guilty and suggested that MIL should go to meet the new GF.

My view is that MIL only called to alleviate her guilt. If she was going to come to us she would have done so anyway and there would have been no need for the call. Just more evidence that she is not the sweet old biddy she makes herself out to be!

OP posts:
eggcellent · 31/03/2018 22:36

I'll never understand posts like this. Your wife suggested that your MIL go to the other dinner, and now you're annoyed at your MIL? If your wife was so bothered she shouldn't have suggested it, end of.

Prestonsflowers · 31/03/2018 22:40

I’m a MIL, and from this post it seems like we’re dammed if we do and dammed if we don’t.

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 31/03/2018 22:43

DW only suggested because MIL called.

If MIL intended to come to us she would not have called!

I'm annoyed for DW how is too nice to that she is being used!

OP posts:
Teeniemiff · 31/03/2018 22:45

From what I read you’re wondering why your MIL needed to call to say she had received another invite but she was still coming to yours. The point in that would be? In your situation I would imagine she was calling in the hope your wife would almost give her permission to accept the other invite.

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 31/03/2018 22:47

I totally get where you're coming from. My FIL is like this (very passive aggressive) and my DH would have done the same as your DW but it would have upset him.

I get that you're hurt for your DW, I feel the same way for DH but there's nothing we can do accept be there to pick up the pieces.

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 31/03/2018 23:08

Yes - exactly. Both our young ones are on shift and not able to make it back but dearly wanted to.

Just checked on DW who went to bed to find she is in tears. She really wanted her mum to be here!

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 31/03/2018 23:12

Mothers-in-law.

I suspect yours wants to avoid you.

LineysInTheSand · 31/03/2018 23:14

So where is MIL actually going?

Bluelady · 31/03/2018 23:16

Mothers in law simply can't do right for doing wrong, can they?

ThePinkOcelot · 31/03/2018 23:21

Eh?! They can’t do right for doing wrong?! How exactly?!

The right thing to do, would have been to have said nothing and turned up for lunch tomorrow as planned!

The only reason she rang was so OPs dw would say go!!

Annechristmas · 31/03/2018 23:23

YANBU Your MIL was being manipulative by phoning your DW to tell her she'd been invited elsewhere knowing that she'd be told to accept the other offer. If she had no intention of going elsewhere she wouldn't have mentioned it and would have come to your house as arranged.

Outnotdown · 31/03/2018 23:29

Yanbu 🌼

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 01/04/2018 16:24

Oh karma came calling! MIL was unwell this AM and could go on the trip with SIL to see grandson & new girlfriend.

Calls us and left a message on the answerphone to see if we are still free which I just picked up as I took DW out for a nice lunch instead.

OP posts:
DeegeeDee · 01/04/2018 16:29

Karma indeed. To you both Flowers

CuriousaboutSamphire · 01/04/2018 16:31

OK... just this once. Enjoy that smug feeling Smile

I hope you and your DW had a lovely lunch!

lalalalee · 01/04/2018 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cornishclio · 01/04/2018 16:34

I think you are right to be annoyed for your DW. If your MIL had already received an invite to yours she should just have told your SIL she was already busy and not said anything to your DW. Good on you for taking your DW out for lunch instead and am chuckling your MIL missed out on both trips. Karma wins on this occasion.

FuzzyCustard · 01/04/2018 16:35

"old biddy"? Unacceptable phrase.

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 01/04/2018 16:51

@lalalalee & fuzzycustard

Not at all. Biddy is a pet form for her name; Bridget!

OP posts:
FuzzyCustard · 01/04/2018 17:03

I disagree - "old biddy" is a general derogatory term. You haven't explained your usage of "old" (irrelevant) nor did you use a capital letter for "biddy", thus denoting her name.

I wouldn't be impressed if you referred to me as "old custard".

bananasandwicheseveryday · 01/04/2018 17:07

My MIL accepted an invitation to come to us for Christmas dinner one year. And told DH that if any of his siblings invited her to theirs, she'd go to them instead. He immediately rescinded our invitation and she has never been invited since. All fine, except now one of her favourite dcs lives abroad and the others invite her less and less and she's already begun to drop hints about this year. I've suddenly gone deaf.
Your MIL was out of order. I hope your DW enjoyed her lunch.

sirlee66 · 01/04/2018 17:09

Rude MIL! Glad karma sorted that one out.

How rude to accept an invitation and then take a better offer when it comes along.

notacooldad · 01/04/2018 17:13

Not at all. Biddy is a pet form for her name; Bridget!
How convenient for you.

lazyarse123 · 01/04/2018 17:15

Yanbu it was lovely of you to take your wife out to lunch. For all those saying mil can't win don't forget it is ops wife's mum and it is ops wife who is upset so not a mil bashing thread, just a nasty old biddy.

Genderwitched · 01/04/2018 17:22

Passive aggressive behaviour from the MIL. Those who can't see anything wrong in it are probably MIL's from hell themselves.