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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother In Laws

48 replies

jamesk0001 · 31/03/2018 22:21

My DW invited her mother around for Easter Sunday dinner tomorrow and she accepted week ago.

This evening she calls and says she has another offer with DW's sister and her son and girlfriend who she has never met, but never mind, she will come to us.

DW was happy because she has gone to a lot of bother over the dinner already but felt really guilty and suggested that MIL should go to meet the new GF.

My view is that MIL only called to alleviate her guilt. If she was going to come to us she would have done so anyway and there would have been no need for the call. Just more evidence that she is not the sweet old biddy she makes herself out to be!

OP posts:
Inertia · 01/04/2018 17:37

I do feel for your wife- is her sibling the favoured child? Hope you both enjoyed the lunch out.

Dressingdown1 · 01/04/2018 17:41

Old biddy is an unpleasant, ageist term.

LotsToThinkOf · 01/04/2018 18:03

YANBU, she rang to make the decision your wife's responsibly so she complain when she took up the 'better' offer. She's a cow and I'm not surprised your DW is upset. I'd not bother again.

peacheachpearplum · 01/04/2018 18:15

I don't understand why people get so upset, it's a meal, probably a roast dinner, we have one every Sunday. I was always relieved if my MIL got a better offer.

lalalalee · 01/04/2018 18:41

You say that your dw went to a lot of bother over the meal, yet you took her out for lunch? Confused

Mydoghatesthebath · 01/04/2018 18:53

Mmm you annoyed me at sweet old biddy made you sound twatty but I agree with your post. Your mil sounds cheeky.

How old is she btw?

Piffle11 · 01/04/2018 18:57

YANBU. My DM does this sort of thing. 'What time did you want us to come? No, it's fine, just that A & B invited us over ... I said we were coming to you ... shame though as wanted to talk to them about X ...' Yes your MIL was looking for a way out. I think it's nice that you're looking out for your DW.

RebelRogue · 01/04/2018 19:05

@Dressingdown1 well she is an unpleasant woman so she reaps what she sows.

Lunde · 01/04/2018 19:09

YANBU - It's really rude of MIL to call to let you know she had a "better offer" when she should have told them she already had lunch plans. Glad that you had a nice dinner out instead.

Thistlebelle · 01/04/2018 19:09

It’s possible that she called to nudge you into inviting your sister in law and her family to lunch. In your DW’s position that’s what I would have done.

Given that your DW is very close to her Mum it seems pretty unpleasant of you to be quite so gleeful that the woman was ill.

RebelRogue · 01/04/2018 19:19

@Thistlebelle i think rather than being gleeful MIL was ill,he felt it was a bit of poetic justice to end up on her own because her first choice was not possible and her second choice was unavailable.

Quietlife1979 · 01/04/2018 19:23

Oh Jesus - honestly you can not have a joke on here any more

Thistlebelle · 01/04/2018 19:31

Rebel but that’s not very kind.

LeighaJ · 01/04/2018 20:05

jamesk0001

Welcome to MN where if you're angry, upset, or just a tad annoyed about something but are male you'll be ridiculed, criticised, and/or ignored over the same thing a female poster would likely receive sympathy over.

Your MIL was clearly only calling to try and manipulate your wife/her daughter, into giving her a get out of Easter guilt free card and it worked. Shame on her after all the work your wife had put into it.

RebelRogue · 01/04/2018 20:15

@Thistlebelle and? Why would you be kind to someone who treats you or your loved ones like shit?
OP's wife was crying in bed last night because of her mother. That wouldn't inspire kindness towards her in me.

Birdsgottafly · 01/04/2018 20:23

"OP's wife was crying in bed last night because of her mother", or because she couldn't say what she really wanted.

Anyways, i would have thought that they were angling for an invite, not a complete cancellation and gone down that road.

Your wife needs to work out why she can't be honest with her Mother. Personally, though, i would be on the phone tonight, saying how upset she is, to either her Mother or Sister.

Is there no way you can turn it into a whole family meet up?

RebelRogue · 01/04/2018 20:29

By the sounds of it the MIL and SIL were travelling to nephew and his GF. Depending on logistics it's unlikely they were angling for an invite, especially on such short notice.

NellythePink · 01/04/2018 20:51

Well done for treating your DW to a lunch out Smile 👍🏻

WineAndTiramisu · 01/04/2018 20:54

Loving the karma! She was being very unreasonable, the only reason for the phone call was to get out of coming to yours. Glad you were out when she phoned again!

SandyY2K · 01/04/2018 21:05

YANBU.

She should have declined the other invite and said nothing yo uour DW.

Original poster
jamesk0001 · 01/04/2018 21:09

Some answer to questions...

Nephew lives 60 miles away and were not angling for an invite. Nephew has a new house and wanted to show it and the new GF off. GF is very very shy and would not have come here. Would have loved to have them all here though.

MIL is nearly 86 and sharp as a tack.

DW has ME so doing anything, even shopping for groceries is a real chore. Even planning Easter Dinner exhausted here. Joint is in the freezer for when the kids are back home.

Lunch was a Chinese (her choice), at a very expensive restaurant (my choice - she deserved it).

OP posts:
Original poster
jamesk0001 · 01/04/2018 21:10

@SandyY2K

Agree totally!

OP posts:
Heartofglass12345 · 01/04/2018 21:52

She sounds horrible, you sound lovely  I agree with @LeighaJ though, some people on here are horrible to men!

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