Please give advice

[SebsCat]

Hi, I've name changed recently but used to post as AmIU, I've posted a bit about my DH's violence in the past. He sought psychiatric help and stopped for 2 years but he's hit me again tonight and I want to leave.

He's gone out for a bit and I really need some answers

Please help me:

• can I drive the family car? It's registered in his name but I'm fully insured on it and have sole use as he doesn't drive

• can I get any hotel without a credit or debit card? I know my card number to pay online but don't have access to the actual card

• can I get any help from the police if I don't press charges? I have 2 DC (2 and 5) and we live in a flat, I'm worried about physically leaving. He's not back at work till Tuesday. He's on a visa and I'm worried about it getting revoked if I involve the police

• what should I pack?'im going to pack quickly and hide the bag in the car whilst he's out.

• can I get any benefits/ child maintenance if we're separated not divorced?

• can I leave personal info with anyone in zone 3 se London? I don't have any family in the country or friends I can tell, I'm worried if anything happens to us

I've tried the DV helpline but it keeps going to voicemail.

I’m really sorry you are going through this. I don’t have answers to all of your questions, but I didn’t want to read and run.

I hope that in replying maybe I will bump this post until it’s noticed by someone with better advice!

I have booked travelodge online and turned up and checked in without the physical card if that helps. I don't know if that's the case everywhere. You could take a print out of everything and your email address. Can you look up the DV hotline for your area, a more specific one? Google DV and your area code.

Sorry I can't help with your questions, but also giving you a bump and wishing you the very best

Yes you can drive the care

No you will need a card to get a hotel

Take documents, passports, ID, clothes, toys and toiletries for a week

Please contact the police

Keep trying the helpline - or Women's Aid

yes you can get benefits if separated - and maintenance

www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/helpline/

Sorry if this is the number you've called but could you try Women's Aid?

I don't know if this is any help. Find your local service

www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Some of them have emergency out of hours numbers, I know because A&E called one of them for me last year. They were open on a Sunday, it was like a duty system/out of hours.

I don't have answers to all your questions but you can claim benefits and maintenance from the day you decide to separate.

Call the police. Try Women’s Aid. You are insured on the car, so fine to drive. Could you pay in advance online for hotel?
Sorry you’re going through this and sorry I can’t offer more advice. Hand-holding.

You should be able to book a hotel without the card. Take all the id you can.

You're insured: you can drive the car.

You can book a hotel online if you know the numbers, they won't need to see the card when you check in.

I think you should press charges.

ID (passports/birth certificates), marriage certificate, important financial paperwork.

You can apply for benefits as a single person while separated.

Don't worry about his visa issues, that should not be your concern. Good luck!

If you select to 'pre-pay' for the room you should be able to pay online, if you reserve only you'll need the physical card on check out

I'm so sorry...

Here's a SE London DA number that might be able to help click here

In answer to your questions - 1; yes, 2; possibly, 3; Yes, 4; everything you can paperwork and ID wise for you and kids, irreplaceable photos or toys too, 5; yes, 6; I don't know

Premier Inn and travelodges I have definitely never needed to show them my card - just booked and paid it all online.

Police may be able to source a refuge space if you want or need too... It's a huge and scary decision though

Call the police and make them keep him away, you can stay in your home. It’s your home too, he is the one who should leave. They are extremely unlikely to revoke his visa over something like this, it’s hard to expel murderers let alone someone committing assault.

If you’re insured to drive the family car I can’t see a problem with you driving the car, I’m not sure where youd stand legally if you left him and took it, but it sounds like it would just be sat there if you left it.

I think you can prepay a hotel online with your card details if you remember them, BUT (and I could be wrong!) I thought that the police removed the offending partner from the home in DV cases if asked? So maybe he’s the one who needs to find a hotel.

I really don’t know what happens in these situations, I guess you can ask that he is just removed but I haven’t been in a DV relationship so hoping someone else will have a more informed answer for you.

If you are leaving, your passport, driving licence, birth certificate, kids birth certificates, letters for your insurance, car loan, letters from the bank- you’ll be able to reorder bank cards! That’s all I can think of off the top of my head. Remember the kids Child benefit letters if you have them. You’ll need the CB numbers so you can get child tax credits.

You will be able to get benefits and maintenance whilst separated, be prepared to fight for child maintenance though.

I have booked premier inn online and paid online an hour before i arrived and didn't need the card. Best of luck. Please get away from him.

You can take the car, he could report it stolen but if you're stopped as long as you have ID they can confirm you're insured.
Not sure about the hotel.
Make sure you have ID, Passports, bank docs etc when you pack.
You can get benefits and maintenence.
The police will help you even if you choose to do a negative statement. Please call them, you need help to get away and they can get you in touch with the right people. Womans aid or safer places in your area should have an emergency contact

As regards to leaving your info with someone in zone 3, I don’t think giving your personal details online to strangers is a good idea. Maybe Mumsnet hq could help with that. Maybe PM one of the staff? Just an idea.

You are very brave and you will be fine. The wise women of Mumsnet will advise you and hold your hand. I’ve seen it done many a time. you certainly aren’t alone.

I stay in permier inns all the time and never have to show my card, so go for one or those if you can. I'm so sorry you are going through this but you are so strong, you cab do this OP. Keep posting, we are all here for moral support.

I really hope mumsnetters from your area of London can help. If I was anywhere near I'd be there like a shot to help.

No matter how hard leaving seems, be brave, you CAN do this for you and the DC.

Premier Inn and Travelodge will be your best bets for hotels. A man without a card was turned away in front of me in a hotel last weekend, even though he had enough cash to pay. They needed his card for security. If you don't have a PI or T nearby; I'd call and check with the hotel first.

Please call the police. You'll need to tell them to get much help; and it might be helpful later if he tries to get visitation.

Look after yourself; I'm so sorry that this has happened.

Some places will house you over this weekend but some won't be able to do much until Tuesday. If you could get into a travel lodge until Tuesday that will be your best bet. Maybe try ringing a travel lodge now and explain you have lost your card but have the details? I'm sure they will accommodate you as it's still money for them.
I work for a domestic abuse charity and you will need to take what ID you can find, any bank details and any details for the children for example birth certificates.
Did you say you have children? If so then social care will have to house you in an emergency.
Keep trying the national domestic abuse helpline as it is 24 hour and they can access the refuges online and will be able to advise you on the specific support available in your area. I'm so sorry you are in this position but you are absolutely doing the right thing leaving.
I would really really encourage you to call the police if you are in immediate danger and if you can get somewhere safe and then call the police then you really should. What he has done is assault and is wrong.