To think this is really rude (& a bit heartless)

[birdsnotbees]

Up until Thurs we had no plans for Easter, save for me seeing my mum and dad at some point. Then DH's sis suggested coming to visit, which is lovely - very happy to see her, though I mentioned to her we'd be seeing my mum and dad at some point too. DH thinks this is not ok, that I should tell my parents we can't see them so that we can spend all our time with SIL.

I now have to either make an excuse or tell them straight up we've had a better offer. DH thinks this isn't rude. I think it's awful.

DH says he hasn't seen SIL for ages so wants to properly catch up. Fair enough, but she's coming for 3 days (I've suggested a lunch with my parents), and he's made zero effort to see her before this weekend. I on the other hand have been trying to arrange a meet up since Oct.

And my parents do so much for us, he's always saying "we should do something for them", but when it actually comes to it, he won't do anything.

AIBU to think telling them they can't come is really rude? Especially as it's me that has to tell them, and thus me that will now be letting them down.

Well your DP sounds like a treasure If I were you I would go visit your parents and let him cook and do whatever for your SIL.

Why don't you take your parents out for lunch and leave your husband to cook for his sister and look after the kids? Nice sometimes to have your parents to yourself anyway.

If you've agree to see your Mum and Dad over Easter then you should. If DH has invited his sister then he should accept you have made a prior arrangement with your parents. They should come as arranged and your DH and his sister either stay in and meet them or go out on their own. It's downright rude to demand their own way on this occasion.

I don't see why you can't invite your parents for lunch while your SIL is there. Apart from anything else it is very rude to renege on a prior invitation.

Why does your husband feel that your parents and SIL won't get along?

I don't understand why the two things are mutually incompatible/exclusive?

It is rude to cancel your parents because your husband would prefer to see his sister.

You say he doesn't like them, and he's taking the opportunity to show them that. That's horrible.

You made the arrangement with them first, so the only reasonable options are to include SIL in your pre-existing plans, or tell SIL she can't come.

Is he always this awful? Because you say he won't be horrible to them if they come but he'll take it out on you later if they do.

That sounds quite abusive to me, like he's trying to isolate you from them. They might not realise he has a problem with them (I bet they do though) but you're aware of it and you're already anticipating being treated badly by him as a result.

How are you meant to feel now. If you cancel your parents, they are hurt and so are you. If you don't, you can't enjoy their visit as you know your husband is going to be a dick about it to you later on.

Asking someone to cancel a prearranged visit with their parents at the last minute for their SIL, who will be around for three days anyway, is rude and unreasonable. I agree your parents can surely visit at the same time anyway? Out of interest, what help, which your husband apparently doesn't appreciate, do your parents give you?

In what way are your Parents 'odd' and how do they get on with SIL?

You should stick with seeing your Parents, unless there is a good reason not to.

I think most people's parents are odd in one way or another. No reason to disinvite them. DH and SIL will cope with a meal.

Thanks all and sorry to disappear for a bit (am looking after SIL!). My SIL is lovely and although hasn't seen them for years, gets on with my parents. DH also doesn't hate my parents, he's just not very sociable. Given that I had to look after his mum for 3 days recently, and that we see my parents usually every 6 weeks or so for an afternoon max. (& that they dote in the kids and really want to see us more), I don't know why he's like this. He says the right things but can be quite... I don't know, heartless, at times. He's better than he was but his perfect weekend is seeing no one! Anyway, he's also invited his brother over on Monday (didn't ask me), so while he and his sis were talking about it, I said, oh that's good, we can all have lunch (with my parents) together then. In front of his sis, who was of course totally fine about it. He's now being mega PA with me but ho hum.

The help they give: childcare in the holidays, mostly, but will do anything if I ask, e.g. My dad came over a few weeks back to help with some very emergency DIY, even though he has chronic fatigue syndrome and it put him in bed for 2 days as a result. Odd in that we don't always see eye to eye, me and my parents, as we have different views on just about everything. But I know they love me and it's my mum and dad - they're getting old and I don't want any regrets, if you see what I mean.

What kind of arse stops his wife seeing her parents?

Why isn't he doing your DIY? Or paying a pro? Why's your dad doing it if he's ill?

Why does he have so little integrity that he can't appreciate he should at the very least be polite to people who do childcare for you? He doesn't have to like them, but he could and should be respectful and civil.

You should see your parents as often as you like, he doesn't have to be involved.

Does he have any friends at all? His type usually don't.

He's being very unreasonabke. If he brings it up what about it? It's not wrong or unusual to incorporate different sets of guests in the circumstances. You could just say "oh, don't be a twat" which is the correct response, but in an argument night not produce the best result - but even then don't be apologetic, because he is being a twat.

Oh he's being such a twat! How DARE he be PA with you because you've said that you can all have dinner together - especially since he's invited his brother over without even discussing it!

He really thinks he is the only one who matters, doesn't he. You need to put a stop to that thinking, with his sister's help if necessary. Ridiculous attitude for him to have

Nasty, nasty man! It's up to you OP but I would not put up with any of his PA behaviour. I'd "call him out" on it, every single time! Even in front of your Dsil, in fact even better in front of her.
What the fuck is wrong with these arseholes? Just, No, no no!!!!!!!

I am for you. So was my DP

Delighted you invited your parents in front of SIL, your DH sounds like a prize arsehole. You absolutely MUST call him out in his PA behaviour in front of SIL.

Everyone is different but this a hill I would absolutely die on - who the fuck is he to dictate things? Also how are your parents being present interfering with his ability to speak to his sister...

I would call him out at every opportunity, challenge him in his behaviour publicly if needed and we would be having serious words post weekend.
Please also ensure he is doing the bulk of the hosting / cooking (make him help with veg prep or whatever) / washing her bed sheets once she’s gone.

In summary, What a colossal prick!

He's not anti-social, he's a cock. He thinks he's the great I Am. Fuck that. Call his PA bollocks out in front of his sister and brother. Don't put up with it.