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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is really rude (& a bit heartless)

67 replies

birdsnotbees · 31/03/2018 13:05

Up until Thurs we had no plans for Easter, save for me seeing my mum and dad at some point. Then DH's sis suggested coming to visit, which is lovely - very happy to see her, though I mentioned to her we'd be seeing my mum and dad at some point too. DH thinks this is not ok, that I should tell my parents we can't see them so that we can spend all our time with SIL.

I now have to either make an excuse or tell them straight up we've had a better offer. DH thinks this isn't rude. I think it's awful.

DH says he hasn't seen SIL for ages so wants to properly catch up. Fair enough, but she's coming for 3 days (I've suggested a lunch with my parents), and he's made zero effort to see her before this weekend. I on the other hand have been trying to arrange a meet up since Oct.

And my parents do so much for us, he's always saying "we should do something for them", but when it actually comes to it, he won't do anything.

AIBU to think telling them they can't come is really rude? Especially as it's me that has to tell them, and thus me that will now be letting them down.

OP posts:

Godowneasy · 31/03/2018 13:46

Your dp is making a problem where none needs to exist.
I really don't see the problem with you all having lunch together, or spending the day together, or whatever you'd normally do with your parents .

unfortunateevents · 31/03/2018 13:48

Is he always this lacking in social graces?

HonkyWonkWoman · 31/03/2018 13:51

Sil will have to come along to the meal with your Mum and Dad or stay with her brother and you take them out for lunch.
Can't really see what the problem is here!

LonginesPrime · 31/03/2018 13:52

I also can't see any reason not to all have lunch together, unless there's some huge backstory here.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 31/03/2018 13:52

Don’t ditch your parents. They were the original arrangement.

DesignedForLife · 31/03/2018 13:54

Why on earth can't you see them all together? It would be rude to turn your parents down now.

bakingdemon · 31/03/2018 14:01

My parents love my SIL and are always really happy to see her. You've got three days with her, your DH shouldn't begrudge one lunch with your folks.

JessicaJonesJacket · 31/03/2018 14:05

Don't make an excuse. There is absolutely no need to cancel your parents. If need be, call your DSIS and get her to also tell your DH there is no need to cancel them.

IAmWonkoTheSane · 31/03/2018 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairiesVsPixies · 31/03/2018 14:09

Agree with the others. Total non issue. Sil comes for 3 days, you go to visit your parents (with/without dh)

Sesimbra · 31/03/2018 14:10

I may have read this wrong but I thought the reason OP couldn't still have her parents was because her DH had said they were not welcome and he wanted to see SIL without them?

Fucking selfish and rude, but I wouldn't want to expose my parents to being where they weren't actually wanted. I can't see how they can all have a happy lunch together now as OP will know DH has the hump, or he will be rude?

That is why I suggested she leave them to it and see her parents at theirs. Agree going out for lunch would also be a good idea.

Seeing as SIL will be there a few days I would be really angry about your DH attitude.

Leeds2 · 31/03/2018 14:21

Your DH is being very unreasonable. No reason at all why your parents can't come over whilst SIL is there, particularly as they were asked first.

Cook for your parents, if that is what you were planning to do, and let DH organise and take SIL out for lunch by self.

Or tell him to phone up your parents himself and explain to them why their visit is being cancelled. Chances are that he won't. Would also remind him that your parents may then wish to cancel any future help they may have been intending to offer him.

Original poster

birdsnotbees · 31/03/2018 14:28

Thanks everyone, it's good to know I'm not being unreasonable. The idea was to have my parents over for a few hours while SIL is here (for lunch, I'd cook). We saw my parents last weekend so he really can't see the problem. He can be very odd about family, mainly as I don't like his MIL (but will still have her over, admittedly grudgingly!) and he's not keen on my parents. But where his MIL is difficult and can be very rude to me (& occasionally to him too), my parents are a bit odd but nice with it. And do a lot for us.

He won't be horrible to them, but will be off with me. And will bring it up again if we argue. So I can't win.

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/03/2018 14:33

Your DH is an ass.
There is no reason why your parents shouldn't still come - unless they're at daggers drawn with your SIL for some peculiar reason - they're not going to bite each other, are they?!

Of course you should not put your parents off. Just all have a meal together.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 31/03/2018 14:34

Oh and by "his MIL" I'm assuming you mean "his mother/your MIL" as his MIL is obviously your mother.

Andylion · 31/03/2018 14:38

He won't be horrible to them, but will be off with me. And will bring it up again if we argue. So I can't win.

What's he going to bring up in future arguments, how he was a dick about your parents visiting? Stick to your original plan, and either include your SiL or tell her you'll be out for a bit with your parents. You can do this whether or not your DH goes with you.

diddl · 31/03/2018 14:53

Well if you saw the last weekend I can sort of see his point.

I would have thought best thing would be that you go to them instead.

TheJoyOfSox · 31/03/2018 15:10

Does your husbands family have some weird rule that you can only have one visitor at a time?

Why on earth would your DH be so rude to your parents? They were invited first, so if anyone is going to be dumped it should be sil, but in reality nobody needs to be dumped.

KeepServingTheDrinks · 31/03/2018 15:11

Pub lunch. Job done. Leave your dh at home. What would be really great would be to give your SIL the option of coming with you and she does. He could stay home on his own n sulk!

Charolais · 31/03/2018 15:31

This is what happens when you let men have a say in these matters. There are some things where you just have to tell the bloke whats-what and visitors is one of them.

iheartmichellemallon · 31/03/2018 15:38

Your DH sounds horrible Op & like a dick - hope he has other redeeming features.

ablatant · 31/03/2018 15:41

@Charolais sexist much

@birdsnotbees well there it is, he doesn't like your parents and is grabbing the excuse of SIL. Can you do something with them and leave him to sulk on his own with her?

Charolais · 31/03/2018 15:47

ablatant Yes, I’m a sexist or a realist as I call it. Very much so.

ablatant · 31/03/2018 15:59

Any fucker who thinks they can order their partner around isn't a "realist" in my opinion. Ooh but I bet you "like to tell it like it is too". What a catch.

diddl · 31/03/2018 16:00

I can't see any reason why both can't happen.

You put in your OP that the plan was for you to see your parents so I wouldn't have thought that it would matter if your OH doesn't also see them.

I know I'd rather see my sibling than my ILs & that neither party would have uch interest in seeing the other-although that might not be the case for Op.

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