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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do good things happen to bad people?

60 replies

Blackbirdblue30 · 31/03/2018 12:11

Just that really. I'm thinking about a few people who really screwed me over and are having lovely lives with no consequences for what they did. People talk about karma and so on but it doesn't seem to ever happen. AIBU to expect a comeuppance?

OP posts:
Rudgie47 · 31/03/2018 12:35

I personally think we are all have good and bad parts to our personalities. Unless someone has done something outragous like murdered someone or raped them then theres not that many really bad people I've found.Even those types can move on eventually.
I think the key is to be happy with what you have in life and not to be bothered about the appearances of what others seem to have. I realized a long time ago that the only thing that really matters is your health, not holidays, big houses, flash cars etc.

smithsinarazz · 31/03/2018 12:35

(Another good thing which I've read is: the best revenge you can take on people who've tried to spoil your life is to be happy. Anyway, think about it: if they got their comeuppance, it wouldn't actually change your life. You might get a bit of wry Schadenfreude for a bit but that's all.

I had a horrible boss once, I was some years later in the position where I could have literally trodden on his toe quite painfully and probably got away with it. I'm glad I didn't. On reflection, I'd actually have looked like a bitter old cow.)

JaneyEJones · 31/03/2018 12:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MayFayner · 31/03/2018 12:41

I think good things happen to "bad" people because they are generally more ruthless and go after what they want more single-mindedly then kinder, more empathetic sorts.

(I just mis-typed "kinder" and my phone autocorrected it to "loser"... apt? Grin )

Also, some people have a terrible time in childhood and early adulthood which causes them to seem like "bad" people but really they're just damaged. They can sometimes recover and grow emotionally in adulthood, and as a result become much nicer people, ime.

Jux · 31/03/2018 12:42

Because, No God.

Sallystyle · 31/03/2018 12:52

It's just life.

My dad is a sociopath. He has hurt so many people so deeply. We carry those scars with us. He always seems to land on his feet. There hasn't really been any consequences. He gets away with things time and time again.

My mum is a beautiful person, yet she has gone through some horrific stuff.

My dad will never experience what it is to really love. He has missed out on all but two of his many children, he has missed out on countless grandchildren's love. The thing is, he doesn't care, so I am not really sure if that is a punishment for his behaviour, because he chose it.

I know who I would rather be though.

TheHandmaidsTail · 31/03/2018 12:56

But truly good things don't happen to horrible people. Materially good things might happen, but if you are a chancer, use people, steal, lie... you never have the sense of fulfilment and happiness you get from being a kind person.

The whole "it's nicer to give than receive" mentality. But the people who only ever want to receive don't recognise that it can be much better to give.

Elendon · 31/03/2018 12:58

What goes around comes around.

I know people who seem to have the most wonderful lives, yet they are nasty pieces of work. Some seem to live with the most lovely of people though and I always feel sorry for the partner.

Others are in relationships where both are bitter and nasty - they usually shout their gold plated lives from the hilltops. No body takes them seriously and no one is jealous in the least. Nothing good really happens to them, unless you count a lovely house, fabulous holidays and lots of money. Personally, I'd rather be happy.

I do know some good people who live lovely lives. They always make me smile and I warm to them.

NameChanger22 · 31/03/2018 13:05

Karma is a lovely idea, but not real. I want justice, but usually we don't get it. It seems to me that the reverse of karma is what we often have - with the most manipulative, scheming, selfish, grabby people getting everything they want in life. Of course that's always the case, some people have everything because they were born with great parents, they were lucky, talented or very intelligent.

The only way to not let it get to you is just to enjoy and appreciate everything you have, carry on being a nice person and not worry about what how lucky other people are.

Ylvamoon · 31/03/2018 13:06

Interesting debate...

I personally believe that from the outside other people's lives look perfect. "The grass on the other side of the fence is always greener" scenario.

UrbiEtOrbi · 31/03/2018 13:18

Why wouldn't they? Life is not a children's story where everyone gets their comeuppance!

sameoldsame · 31/03/2018 13:22

I also think you have to make a choice in your life to chose happiness
I’m going through a really tough time at the moment and life seems very fragile and insecure and some people have really screwed me over, but they’ve done what’s best for their happiness and I refuse to let them turn me into a bitter unhappy person
I know that unless I try myself to make my life happy, I will end up unhappy

Elendon · 31/03/2018 13:25

Yes, but life often sees people getting their 'comeuppance' @UrbiEtOrbi

Especially when it comes to crime, though not always but the reader of adult crime fiction and non fiction is often in no doubt and to who is the nasty piece of work, especially if they get away with it.

By the way I think your comment is incredibly dismissive and totally misses the point. It also makes me judge you.

ReggaetonLente · 31/03/2018 13:30

Karma is a load of shit. My DH is the loveliest man, diagnosed with MS at 26. My DF has tried his best for his family and lived a good life for 55 years, he’s just been diagnosed with a terminal cancer that could take him in weeks.

I wish people would bloody think before they come out with some of the crap they do. I always ask anyone blithering on about karma what my dad and husband did to deserve their illnesses. They can never answer.

sameoldsame · 31/03/2018 13:35

@ReggaetonLente
I think illness is a separate thing
I’m sorry about your family, that’s very tough for you, but illness can hit anyone and no one deserves it, wether they’ve been a good person or not.
I got the impression that the op was talking about someone that had wronged her and then gone on to seemingly be living a happy life.

Sallystyle · 31/03/2018 13:39

What goes around comes around.

Sometimes it really doesn't. I think it makes people feel better to think that eventually, really bad people will get it back, but they don't always.

It has nothing to do with having money etc, some people hurt others over and over again in a massive way, and they will never experience that pain, because they are incapable of feeling love and guilt, so nothing can really hurt them. They are also manipulative enough to get what they want from people time and time again. They just pick other victims.

They may not experience the beautiful parts of life, but I am not sure if that is much of a 'payback' for someone who is incapable of feeling love and don't know any different anyway. I don't know, maybe it is.

ReggaetonLente · 31/03/2018 13:42

Thank you for being so nice same. I’m probably just being super defensive ( DF admitted to hospital last night, things are progressing quicker than anyone thought). I’d like to get on board with the idea of karmic retribution but I guess I just haven’t seen it in action yet.

Cupoteap · 31/03/2018 13:44

You wouldn't say I believe in karma as such ore that if you are shitty you are bound to fuck sooner or later

JaneEyre70 · 31/03/2018 13:46

I don't believe in karma but I believe in good luck or bad luck. Some people get an uneven balance. But it's just life.

Mightymucks · 31/03/2018 13:46

Good and bad things happen to all people.

Look at the medieval concept of the wheel of fortune, you go from the bottom to the top and back down again then around and around.

Looking at other people’s lives and wanting some sort of divine retribution is pointless and a waste of energy. Concentrate on making your own life better instead, it’s more constructive and the best form of revenge.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 31/03/2018 13:48

I don’t know

Yes people can have money and jobs and cars

But if someone is truly a moral reprobate I can’t see them having very loving and fulfilling relationships ? I mean their kids will eventually realise . Their colleagues will . People around them will .

And as PP said don’t even read into social media

sameoldsame · 31/03/2018 14:02

Sorry @ReggaetonLente
Sending you Flowers

Schnauzermum2 · 31/03/2018 14:05

Because nasty people don’t give a damn about anyone else, they’re willing to trample over everything and everyone to get what they want. Nice people often end up sacrificing their happiness for the happiness of orhers and therefore leave themselves more open to things not going their way.

stubbornstains · 31/03/2018 14:08

I don't believe in karma as some dispassionate force of cosmic justice, however here's a little anecdote to warm your cockles.

Yesterday I made a delivery to a customer. Looking around, I could see lots of examples of the thing I'd delivered dotted around, all of perfectly good quality. I asked her why she'd changed supplier- had the previous one retired?

"No", she said, "but the previous supplier is the partner of a good friend, and he treats her terribly, so I don't use him any more".

As somebody who has seen abusive exes go on to have outwardly perfect relationships and apparently escape consequences, this pleased me greatly Grin.

Evelynismycatsformerspyname · 31/03/2018 14:09

Because there is no such thing as karma, it's just wishful thinking. Unfortunately there is no connection between being "good" or "bad" and having "good" or "bad" things happen to you. There is cause and effect obviously, and coincidence, but it's only linked to morality coincidentally, or where being "bad" happens to coincide with breaking laws or angering influential people/ a lot of people, and the bad person happens to get caught...

Sorry you're having a rubbish time/ seeing bad people flourish. It's pants but it's better to just live your own life than waste it fuming about the fact life isn't fair.