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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if someone knocks on your door to tell you they are having an affair with you DH, then it’s probably true?

28 replies

SweetFanniAdams · 30/03/2018 23:25

I keep thinking about something a male work friend told me about how a woman he had met at one of his kids sports activities had knocked on his front door and told his wife that they were having an affair, she gave her details about where and when etc.
He talked his way out of it by saying she’d used details of his whereabouts that she’d got from chatting to him while the kids were doing by their sports and that he thought she was mentally ill and needed help.
Now I know this guy and he it most certainly not the faithful kind so she may well be telling the truth.
Anyway, I keep thinking what I would do / think if someone came knocking on my door.
Who would you believe?

OP posts:
malificent7 · 30/03/2018 23:30

probably true...

Puffycat · 30/03/2018 23:30

First I would shut the door in her face pdq.
Next I would sit down with DH , tell him what happened and wait.
What happens next is all about facial expression, tone of voice, reaction and of course what he says

PrettyLittIeThing · 30/03/2018 23:31

I would think it was true.

Original poster
SweetFanniAdams · 30/03/2018 23:35

I bet he crapped himself.
I’ve known him for nearly 15 years and I can easy tell when he is fibbing. I’m amazed he has got away with as much as he has over the years.
I feel bad for thinking if it happened to me I would have DH guilty until proven innocent.

OP posts:
Casmama · 30/03/2018 23:38

I would tend to believe it. Bizarre that this guy is going around telling people!

MsMalcontent · 30/03/2018 23:38

I would invite her in and have a 3 way conversation with my DH (if I had one) - the truth would soon come out surely?

MissionItsPossible · 30/03/2018 23:39

It would depend entirely on the situation. My bf has a crazy ex and if he turned up and knocked on the front door and said he’d been having an affair with him, I’d laugh in his face (actually i wouldn’t as he’s genuinely crazy, I would shut and lock the door as fast as I could).

Original poster
SweetFanniAdams · 30/03/2018 23:41

I don’t know how many people he has told and he told it as if he was completely innocent but I know his history so he got an eye roll from me.
His DW has believed him and apparently even laughed it off as ridiculous.

OP posts:
LondonCrone · 30/03/2018 23:49

Actually I don’t think that I would - if I married someone, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. You seem really invested in this, and really sure that you know him so well that you can tell when he’s lying. Seems a bit odd tbh.

Prestonsflowers · 30/03/2018 23:52

Is this a reverse?
Why are you bothered about a male work colleague’s sex life?
Why do you ‘keep thinking’ about him.
You say you’ve known him for nearly 15 years so why is it bothering you now?

Original poster
SweetFanniAdams · 30/03/2018 23:57

Its making me wonder how I would react if someone knocked on my door and said the same about my DH
Not interested so much in his situ other than it sometimes make me wonder about my own and would I dig deeper rather than just believe.
I suppose knowing this guy for so long has given me trust issues Hmm

OP posts:
Prestonsflowers · 31/03/2018 00:02

Your problem, your issues
Ok. You posted in AIBU
Yes you are being very, very, extremely Unreasonable
If you have doubts within your own relationship then examine them

Original poster
SweetFanniAdams · 31/03/2018 00:06

Christ Preston chill out
And what does ‘in reverse’ actually mean?
Do you suspect me of some sort of conspiracy?Confused

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 31/03/2018 00:09

I don’t know what I would choose to believe

If someone else was telling me this I would most likely believe the woman (or man) who informed the partner

We often choose what we want to believe and try and ignore the bits that don’t add up or crate a story in our minds some people will do this for years and feel their life is better that way others it eats away at them and their self confidence

we are all capable of turning a blind eye when for whatever reason it suits us to

nc1731 · 31/03/2018 00:10

Name changed for this one. I'd keep quiet and then do a little digging on my own. When my ex first said he wanted a divorce, I was very confused as nothing was really broken from my perspective, and nothing significant had happened. I asked him if there was someone else and he denied it, said we were growing apart, etc.

While we were still together, I spoke to a lawyer to consider my options. He said that in 99% of the cases like I had described, the husband was cheating. He was very kind about it but had seen a pattern with his clients. I still didn't believe it, as I thought my husband had other faults but not that. But I told myself I wouldn't bury my head in the sand and I'd at least look.

Almost immediately, I found something confirming an affair. I was floored but never said anything to him and just got my stuff together, said I'd agree to a divorce, and moved out.

Looking back I'm amazed at the deceit. I won't go into it here, but it made me realize that you never really know someone. I never would have believed it before. It's the sort of life lesson I hope none of my friends or family ever has to learn.

DairyisClosed · 31/03/2018 00:10

I would be uinclined to believe her/him but would invite them in for a cup of tea and ask for all the details anyway. I certainly would entertain the possibility until I was sure one way or another. I would expect it of my husband but there are situations when it could certainly be possible for a man with an unblemished history in this respect to do something like that. Just as there are situations where it would be possible for me to do something like that despite absolutely despising adultery. I wouldn't really believe it though without good proof.

DairyisClosed · 31/03/2018 00:11

*would not expect

CannaeBeErsed · 31/03/2018 00:14

I'm not sure I would. Well not after what happened a few years ago.

There are complete loons out there who do try to destroy lives for some warped reason. My husband had a stalker. Someone he knew briefly from 15 years earlier and hadn't seen again until she came across him on FB. A few messages in and she was saying all sorts of crazy things like they had a child etc (confirmed as lies by her own parents who we contacted to ask WTF was going on with the weirdo) and that our children weren't his.
Turns our she had done it before with some other poor bloke and it had been to court. We went to the police too and she was eventually given a slap on the wrists for stalking. Had her dates and times not been easily checked out and dismissed as the bullshit we knew it was, she could have been almost convincing.

Original poster
SweetFanniAdams · 31/03/2018 00:15

Sorry to hear that NC

We can turn a blind eye if we aren’t in the right place to deal with the can of worms I guess.

I suppose I’m just not the kind of person to ever be so confident in my relationship that I would just ignore someone telling me something like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
SweetFanniAdams · 31/03/2018 00:17

OMG Canna!!! That’s horrendous Shock

OP posts:
Hughpughbarneymagrew · 31/03/2018 00:18

A colleague of mine did this (ie. Was the woman who knocked at the door and asked to speak to the wife). In her case it was absolutely true that she'd been having an affair with the husband.
Based on that one incident I'd be inclined to believe it if it happened.

Original poster
SweetFanniAdams · 31/03/2018 00:19

Wow. Did she do it because she wanted to be with him or because she wanted to expose him? Just being nosey. Either way it’s kind of crazy brave!

OP posts:
nc1731 · 31/03/2018 00:22

Thanks Sweet, it's actually turned out quite well for me though. I spent a few years being single and renewing some confidence in myself. And I'm now married to a very kind, supportive man. I never would have wished for my first marriage to end, but now I can't imagine staying in it.

Plus my ex's reaction (when he realized that I knew) was priceless. He couldn't fathom that I had known and been practical rather than emotional!

Weedsnseeds1 · 31/03/2018 00:24

As a student with a part time job as a barmaid I had a trio of women march I to the pub and start screaming at me to leave their sister's husband alone.
To this day I have no idea who they were, or who their sister's husband was.
Wrong pub possibly as they didn't come back?

Prestonsflowers · 31/03/2018 00:24

Sorry, I’m crap at chatty emails and posts. I try to get to the point without any frills.
I meant that you seem to be very close to your colleague and if you can read him I just wondered if there was more to your relationship than you’re admitting to.
As to the reverse, no conspiracy theory intended, but if you’re a regular mumsnet user then you will know what a reverse means

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