Presents for Nieces and Nephews

[DontMentionTheWar]

I recently had a discussion with MIL about phasing out Easter eggs now that my nieces/nephews are mid/late teens early twenties. MIL asked me to give nephew a fiver so as not to upset sister-in-law as we haven't given the 'children' money when they went on holiday over the years and we had been compared unfavourably to BIL's family who do. We give £40/£50 presents for normal birthdays and Christmases, £100 for big birthdays and other treats such as £20 on passing exams. Pretty sure BIL's family don't give as much overall. AWBU to think we give enough?

YANBU at all. Do they give to your kids?

If not, I bet when you have kids they'll suddenly say they've decided not to do Xmas/bday presents anymore.

£100 bday presents is crazy! [

Wow, you sound very generous already. I think you should give what you feel comfortable with giving. What others give is up to them and their circumstances. And holiday money? Really?! It all sounds a bit OTT to me as well as entitled (from your MIL’s perspective anyway)

We don't have any kids - we weren't able to. We don't expect anything in return but get £15-£25 for Christmas and birthdays. Really feeling quite upset about it as have spent a lot of time over the years choosing nice presents etc. I don't have much family on my side.

I'd say late teens / early twenties don't need Easter eggs or a fiver! Send them a card!

You do sound generous. I’d maybe give Easter Eggs until they are 16 then say yiu’re dropping it off

we had been compared unfavourably to BIL's family who do. what a materialistic family you seem to have married into.

Don't give them any money for holidays and phase out Easter eggs if you like. Don't discuss this with MIL though discuss it with your SiL/Bol or just do it.

Presumably the nephew is the youngest and mid teens which is why MiL suggested you only gave it to him rather than the late teens and early 20's DN's?
It does seem a bit unfair that he misses out as he's the youngest and the older ones got something for a few more years. I would have stopped when they all reached 18, so would keep giving this nephew something untill then.

Dontmention please don’t be upset. You sound like an incredibly kind Aunty and I’m not sure your MIL was aware of all the lovely things you do before she commented.

£40, £50 & £100 WTF! Tell her she's batshit and ignore the madness.

It sounds like they think you should give so much because you don't have your own kids.

Because they're grasping, I would stop birthday and Xmas presents for all adults and all children when they turn 18.

Thank you everyone. We are going to give the youngest an egg until they are 18 but, if the truth be told, I have kept giving one to the older children because I thought it might cause issues. The holiday money thing is what has really shocked me though.

Yanbu op, how cheeky. Maybe your niece and nephew should be taught that gifts are not to be presumed or expected. I could understand if they were 6 or 7 but at their ages to be upset about not getting an Easter egg off aunty, that’s just ridiculous

I've never even heard of holiday money for niece or nephews. How odd !

Plus it seems like the adults are behaving like kids. The actual nice or nephew probably doesn't care.

Thanks for all the kind messages by-the-way, it's made me feel a lot better. To be fair to nieces/nephews they are nice kids but BIL's family are big and have always been a lot more involved with them as they have children of their own etc. Childless aunties/uncles are not as much fun I guess. But we do love them and have done things to really help them over the years.

YANBU. I’m one of six- three of us are in our early twenties with long term partners and the other three are in their teens and still in school. This year for Easter, my Aunty and Uncle gave the three of us in our 20s and our partners a Thornton’s lolly and a card and got the teens Easter eggs.

Octave my DSis gives my children money for their holidays. I don’t think it’s odd. Unfortunately she doesn’t have children of her own and dotes on mine

I thought it was a nice gesture TBH, it says that they remembered us but at the same time acknowledges that we’re adults and don’t really need an Easter egg off every single member of the family

Don't go through your MIL. This is not her decision. You don't need to discuss this with her.

I have many nieces and nephews. I would only give Easter eggs if I was seeing them near Easter and not at all once they were adults. I have never given them money when they went on holiday.

I gave birthday and Christmas presents until they were 21. After that, wedding and birth of baby presents only. Passing exams gets a card, no present.

Yes, you are right Hedda mentioning it to MIL was a mistake, it won't happen again.

Jesus Christ. My child’s aunt/uncles barely bother with Christmas or birthdays unless the MIL buys something, wraps and gets them to sign a card.

You sound like a great auntie! And v generous too...ignore MIL. However, I would add that nobody is ever too old for chocolate...!

I don't get anything Francis but wouldn't expect to.

This has come on the back of pressure to send my DH's cousin's child a birthday/Christmas present as well. I have said no to this as we gave the cousins cards and presents for years without even a thank you or card in return and I'm not starting all that up again with their children. I treat my cousins' children when I see them and send cards. I am fed up with the hassle of it TBH.