I think this is more of a WWYD?
My relationship with my MIL is tricky. Neither of us like each other (as people, we have v different values) but I'm always careful to be polite and civil, as I think it's important to treat family with respect.
I do really appreciate how much she loves DC. I will always be grateful for more people to love and care for them and I try hard to allow them to develop an independent relationship with their GM. We live in the UK but PIL live in our country of origin, so a few times a week I'll call them, give the phone to DD5 and let her have a chat in her room so she can get some time with them, without me around.
Last year, MIL started asking DD to keep little 'secrets' from me. Nothing major, let's buy this in secret and eat that in secret. I really had to put my foot down, as I don't think young children should be encouraged to keep secrets from parents. It caused a lot of fuss, more so because MIL sees herself as the unquestionable and all knowing matriarch of the family but I held firm.
Now my DD has thrice said things to me, suggesting MIL is subtly influencing her against me/ for my DH.
- Your mum shouldn't give daddy a hard time if he wants to game all day, he works hard in a real job
- You should go to your fave restaurant alone with Daddy, no need to take Mummy, you need 1:1 time
- Mummy doesn't really know how to do your hair, tell me I'll do it for you when you visit
I know they are small things but I'm just uncomfortable at her trying to influence DD in these ways without acknowledging them to me.
One of the reasons we don't see eye to eye is that MIL is very proud of her ability to manipulate everyone around her and I've turned down her 'tips' on controlling DH and DC before.
I know she will deny, and then throw a strop if I confront her. WWYD?