Please settle this between me and my husband

[Bluecandles]

Please settle this with my husband, I think he is being unreasonable, he thinks I am.

My husband and one child are in the dining room, I’m sitting at the breakfast bar which is inbetween the dining room and kitchen with the other child.

My husband gets up and starts walking into the kitchen to get something for child one saying to that child as he goes past “I’m just going to give mum a loving caress” and goes to kiss my neck. I reject this and tell him he’s being creepy and inappropriate. He thinks I’m being heartless. Who is being unreasonable?

Lighthearted obviously.

I’d find it massively weird if my DH announced to the DC he was giving me a “loving caress”!

But it wouldn’t be weird for my DH to just give me a kiss or cuddle on the way past.

Whether I rejected it or not would depend on what I was doing. Sitting down with cup of tea - fine. Chopping chicken for dinner - go away!

I would be uncomfortable with the sexual nature of that in front of my child.

What?!

I would find the announcing it, and the 'loving caress' wording totally weird coming from DH.

But the act itself? Utterly fine. And not in the least bit 'sexual'z

Loving caress - nope sounds creepy. Couldn't he have just given you hug and kiss without creepy declaration

To me touching and cuddling kinda comes about in a mutually wanting/feeling like it way when you are relaxed and enjoying talking to eachother. Kind of hard to explain really but you don't just get up announce you have decided to man handle someome that's just weird

I think it depends how things are between you, generally. You say you're not that keen on physical affection (this is absolutely fine BTW, I am quite resistant to being mauled by people as well) - was your H teasing you in a playful way that you're generally OK with, or is he quite focussed on the fact that you are not as keen on touch as he is, and therefore is determined to force touch on you in a way you can't reject without being seen as nasty/cold/selfish/unkind? Was he trying to make a point in front of DC that you are not opening your legs often enough and he's not going to let you get away with shirking your marital duty? If so, he's a creep.

If this was just general messing about and the choice of words were to (affectionately) wind you up then nothing to worry about. Whisper something appalling in his ear by way of payback when he's just about to go to work.

The wording is a bit cringe worthy but otherwise YABU.

Doing it naturally, yes. Signposting it like that, no thanks.

YABVU. You should be demonstrating a loving relationship for them, so they know what one actually looks like.

Our kids probably see us kiss and hug on a daily basis. Of course not full on snogging... my wife will very often nuzzle my neck as well.
Our kids think its very romantic that we are still in love. Though of course everyone is different in what they think is appropriate

The kiss in the neck is fine. Announcing a "caress" to the kids is a bit yucky. Poor kids... 😆

Loving caress is on par with moist imo. Yuck.

Its cringey but not creepy.

Yuk, creepy AF to me.

The British are so uptight.

Assuming that the dynamics between you are usually healthy YABU.

Jesus the ‘creepy’ comments are so cringeworthy. The guy wanted to show his wife some affection, not fornicate on the breakfast bar!

Nothing at all wrong with a kiss on the neck to show affection.
I’d be worried though if he’d thrown you across the breakfast bar with a rolled up Woman’s Weekly in his hand 😉

If DH used the words "loving caress" in my vicinity, my vagina would spontaneously seal itself shut..

The physical affection is fine, his description of it is weird!

Was he trying to make a point to you about (lack of) affection?

Cute that he was obviously thinking romantic thoughts about you but announcing it like that YANBU - would make me cringe!

Kiss and/or cuddle in front of kids = fine.

Calling it a "loving caress" = hard cringe.

A kiss on the neck isn’t sexual. A kiss on the penis is sexual.

I’d like to say YABU, because affection between spouses is perfectly normal. However due to the words ‘loving caress’ I have to say HIBU.

What? Sounds completely normal and appropriate to me. Even the phrase “loving caress”which was presumably quite jokey - it sounds sweet and affectionate to me.

Have you read a thing about the five love languages? Sounds like yours is most definitely not physical affection.

I don't see a problem with what he did. Though I have recall the last time I actually heard anybody saying 'loving caress' ... it's more something you read in novels.

My DH will often say "Come here for a hug my babes .. the kids (teens) will either roll their eyes or join in and we have a group hug.

YABU! He’s not finger blasting you on the dining room table FFS!

I think YABU.

Yanbu because the announcing it makes it creepy. Not spontaneous and sounds like he maybe knew you didn't want it?