Sharing positive birth story

[looluluce]

After a very rough pregnancy, (HG & gestational diabetes), I had a really great labour. I won't give too many details but it was only an hour and a half long. I did have to have an episiotomy and the vontouse. I often overshare my story to nervous pregnant women because it's something I'm sure would have put my mind at rest, but I don't want to come across smug.

What do you think? Should I not talk about my experience? Do you wish more women would talk about their positive experiences rather than all the horror stories that get shared?

Birth stories either way make me grit my teeth tbh. Can't watch one born either.

Don't really care either way along as long those with quick easy births don't attribute it to anything other than luck.

(Yep that's bitterness from being told that everything that went wrong with ds's arrival could have been fixed by a more positive outlook, more yoga, declining interventions that I wasn't offered and affirmations).

I am always happy that for some women it works with minimal issues though.

I had an unpleasant time. I don’t share details unless someone asks and if a pregnant woman who is obviously anxious asks, I play it down and stress that 4/6 of my ante-natal groups had very uncomplicated deliveries and one had a very easy time during her planned CS - I stress mine isn’t the typical experience.

I think you would be reassuring to most pregnant people but I wouldn’t volunteer the info.

Having said that, the exception was at a recent baby shower and loads of women were trying to terrify the mother to be - I asked why and said in my experience with friends etc most births are uncomplicated and when they’re not, care is excellent. I don’t understand the need to terrify other people.

Dinosaur - affirmations? What wankers. Sorry you’ve had to deal with such shitty comments. I get the ‘c-section was the easy option’ - yeah, alright. You have one and very tell me how easy it is.

you had an assisted delivery and an episiotomy?

That's not a positive birth story, it's a delivery with complications. My recovery from an elective CS was much quicker than my recovery from an episiotomy. Really wouldn't go round sharing that story, there's not much positive about it.

I agree. First labour was awful, but the second was wonderful. Not in terms of being quick, but in terms of feeling calm and in control. Every labour is unique.

TBH with you - your birth is your story, and doesnt interest me one iota or anyone else if truth be known.

FWIW people only ever have two types of birth - horrendpous 5 day labour and need 28 pints of blood ones OR shelling peas in half an hour, back in your skinny jeans and running a marathon within 2 days.

No one ever recounts a bog standard normal story. An episotomy is not 'normal', a ventouse is not 'normal' - they are just the start of a horror story.

Stats from Maternity Services Monthy 2017:

Of the births that had a recorded delivery method, 57 per cent were spontaneous vaginal births, 11 per cent had instrumental assistance, 13 per cent were elective caesarean sections and 15 per cent were emergency caesarean sections.

 Where details of genital tract traumatic lesions (tears or episiotomy³) were recorded for women who had a vaginal birth (excluding breech), 79 per cent had at least one lesion. Among the women who had at least one lesion, 26 per cent had an episiotomy.

dinasaur there are twats around arnt there

Op I don’t think it’s really worth sharing as everyone has the birth they have and no two are the same. All my 6 labours and births were different and unique.

If you come out of childbirth feeling positive the it's a positive birth story for you. I think we need to move away from the idea that a positive butt story is - natural one with no intervention.

I had really quick easy births but I only share that if it's a friend specifically saying they are scared of giving birth/they've been told it's always awful.

Yes. What I found when I was pregnant was that everyone seemed out to scare me. I heard only awful stories. I had no real birth plan in place because I was terrified of having my heart set on something and it going wrong and then me feeling worse because my plan hadn't gone accordingly.

@pigshavecurlytails on paper, yes, it wasn't ideal, but it isn't up to you to decide whether my experience was positive. I felt in control and very calm throughout, whilst my recovery wasn't pleasant, i am grateful in that it could have been much worse, and therefore would describe my experience as positive.

@Dinosauratemydaffodils what a rotten way to be treated. I don't expect any subsequent labours to be the same, there isn't anything we can do to change the experience we get!!

Butt story. Excellent typo there

Thanks @peneleope82 that is kind of how I feel. It's more that people are really quick to share horror stories but I had heard of no good experiences!

@looluluce
maybe I phrased it wrong. I'm glad you felt it was positive. What I meant is that most pregnant women won't feel that an instrumental delivery and episiotomy is a positive experience.

If I come across a pregnant woman panicking about delivery, all I add is that it was nowhere near as bad as I had thought. I was petrified but in the end was actually very lucky.

Details such as cuts and tears aren’t usually as bad as they sound but honestly when you’re pregnant, they all sound pretty terrible.

There’s no need to share the details

I am very appreciative of positive stories at the moment. However because you’re story included intervention and being cut I don’t feel reassured. If we were having a face to face conversation I’d actually feel quite scared and might think you were a bit smug that you are able to frame such an experience as a positive one. Sorry.

@pigs wow what a nasty post. The Op had a positive experience at the birth of her child. That birth had interventions. The OP feels it all went very well. That is a positive story. I can te you if you are in a situation where your baby mess interventions and they don't happen, your baby risks brain damage or death. This is not a positive outcome. Can't you see the logic of what you are saying? The OP hasn't specified but since she is using the term "positive" I think it's fair to assume her baby is alive and healthy. If her birth was more "normal", to use your horrible term, then her baby might not be alive and healthy. Someone above said about 11% of births have instrumental delivery. "Normal" is a measure of frequency. Something f happening 11% of the time is entirely compatible with it being normal. That's higher than the rates of left-handedness or the rates of homosexuality in the population - are gay people or left-handed people not normal?

I completely agree that the many risks and long-term health consequences of vaginal birth (with or without intervention) are often glossed over or hidden in our society. However silencing the OP's feelings about her own experience is not going to resolve that.

I don't understand the point of your nasty post at all.

Your

I’ve been saying to all my pregnant friends that it’s hard but it’s ok (in my experience).
I actually think my labour was alright but I appreciate aspects of it were probably horrific taken point by point.

That's not a birth I'd be smug about!

That birth story would not have reassured me in the slightest!

My experience tbh was the opposite. I heard nothing but positive stories and wasn't prepared at all for what happened to me.

I see what you mean OP and I'm the same - DC1 was a ventose (no episiotomy) and the whole thing was ok. I think that it's ok to discuss with people (who want to discuss birth) that intervention doesn't always mean a bad experience. For me it was the end of 3 hours of pushing a badly aligned baby. Left me a bit more bruised and torn than I would have liked but I still found it all ok as a birth experience.

That’s unfair the op isn’t smug!

I do understand op as wen I was pregnant with dc1 I heard horror stories too and people are so stupid. However Boone can really tell you what labour and giving birth is like as all are different and unique. I never discuss mine but reassure anyone pregnant who asks me that if it was that bad no one would ever have baby 2

Yes, but that’s why there is an 8year gap between mine. And even at that I am petrified about what is to come...

I imagine it is the reason many families have only one child - it was only thanks to a lot of therapy that got me to a place where I would allow myself to get pregnant again.