To want to scream at my SIL.

[APiratesLife]

Ok I'm obviously not going to scream at her.

But she is one of these women who have a flawless pregnancy, she sailed through it and said it went by too fast.
And now she has the most easy going baby in the history of babies... ever!!!!
I have never seen anything like it!

I'm currently pregnant with my second.
I had bad morning sickness with my first and I lost 3 stone from it! I also had severe pgp and my hips were in so much pain that I was in a wheelchair and crawling about my own house!
It's happening again and I am miserable. Utterly miserable. I HATE being pregnant.

Now I love my SIL, she is a really lovely woman and we get on great but I feel like she really does not understand, she just can't get it. I'm sure she thinks I'm being dramatic.
But comments, however well meant they are, like oh try to stay positive and it will fly by and oh don't worry, you'll be fine once the baby is here (I had nasty PND last time) is just making my hormonal pregnant blood boil!

Easy babies make difficult teenagers. I had a difficult baby and I am hoping for an easy teenager.

Some people just don’t get it.
My SIL sound sounds like yours, and I had rough pregnancies too. And she’s got easy babies, mine were less so....
I keep telling myself that everyone’s dc cause them stress at some point, so maybe my dcs just caused all that stress early on and SIL has all this still to come...

Ha yes. Hopefully!
Easy teens would be lovely! 😂

To be fair to her what is she supposed to say?
Sorry you're having such a difficult pregnancy. I had two very difficult ones and my BF sailed through giving birth with no pain relief. Good for her

I don't know, I guess she could ask if there's anything she could do.
I know I'm being overly hormonal.

Is your SIL planning a second? (If you’ve had an easy first baby a demanding second baby is often a big shock...)

Stop looking outward. Be grateful and happy with your lot.

I guess she could ask if there's anything she could do.

Or you could stop being PA and ask her. She's not a mind-reader.

Oh gosh sympathy OP, I had HG too. My second and third pregs were easier because I insisted on ALL THE DRUGS early on. Try it.

I used to ask people if they struggle usually to be sympathetic for illness. Appendicitis. Kidney problems. Or is it just ill pregnant people you don’t believe and have no sympathy for. Why is that? Why is it that me saying I’m struggling is not enough.

The other thing I used to say to comments like ‘it will fly by’ is just straight up ‘that actually really upsets me. I already feel upset enough that I am missing out on an enjoyable pregnancy’. Sometimes people just need to be told when they are being unkind.

The thing that used to bug me was the side eye. I’d eat some food and then be aware I was being watched. As if the person wouldn’t be satisfied with my ‘story’ about having HG until I’d projectile vomited all across the room.

To be honest I think everyone has something difficult, somewhere in their lives

You may look and think oh easy pregnancy and easy baby but you have no idea what she may be struggling with in private

I had an easy pregnancy and easy baby but horrendous ptsd for 3 years which I hid from everyone. She may well have other problems in life.
Hope you feel better soon

It is difficult to understand when you've had an "easy" pregnancy. Perhaps she may just be positive like that. I had no issues with my first 2 pregnancies. 2 ok ish labours and 2 very good babies. Fed well. Slept through at 8 weeks etc. I put it down to amazing parenting. Then I had my third...

I had a difficult baby, didn’t sleep through for 5 years! So far the teenage years are proving to be much easier. I’ve probably curse don’t myself now haven’t I?

Oh my DSis was like this, she didn't mean to be, she really thought she was being helpful when she knew exactly how I should be dealing with my challenging toddler etc Then she had DS2

It's totally unreasonable for you to expect someone to understand something they have never experienced. If you need her help, just ask for it.

Have you actually witnessed this easy baby?

I had no symptoms of pregnancy but totally unde4stand every pregnancy is different so therefor usually try to comfort a pregnant women rather than use comforts that may be taken the wrong way.

People really don’t understand how ill pregnancy makes some people. I had hypermisis in my 2nd pregnancy along with frequent unexplained bleeding and an emergency induction at 37 weeks when my son reduced his movements by 70%.

My oldest was a much better pregnancy really easy baby and slept amazinh but has been incredibly hard work and suffered endless sleep problems since he was 20 months old. My youngest was a horrendous sleeper as a baby but is now the easiest happiest little guy you will ever meet. However the pregnancy with him has put me off having anymore.

DS woke up every 3 hours for 3 months after he generally slept from 11pm TIL 9am with 1 or 2 naps in the day. DD slept all night from about 2 weeks, now she’s a nightmare to get to sleep aged 5.

"Easy babies make difficult teenagers. "

Nope!

I had easy pregnacies & births-but I know that it's not the same for everyone.

She might be wary of asking what she can do as she might feel that it's overstepping-especially if you've got an OH!

But if you need help with something whilst she's there-just ask!

You said it yourself she is a lovely woman and lovely people tend to try and be upbeat and positive and the comments you made don't sound nasty, just sympathetic. If she said "God, you must feel like absolute crap right now" it may be true but that's more harsh imo! Can you not tell her what you have wrote here? That it's making you feel bad and give the reasons why? Will she be understanding if you did this?

Ah have a good whinge and moan if it makes you feel better! I hate my former pregnant self for being so smug. My current pregnant self has every symptom going and counting down the days! How long do you have left?

I had an easy baby and she was an easy teen. She did however follow a baby from hell who didn't sleep for four years, who was always in trouble and a teenager from hell. He is a great adult though 😀

Maybe she will get an awful one next. Glad I got my hard one over with first.

💐

TRY to remember that she genuinely has NO idea what this is like for you. She’s not trying to be horrible, she’s just clueless.

When your ‘good thoughts’ leave you entirely, 🥊 picture yourself smacking her one in the nose.

When you’ve really had enough, picture her having a dreadful time with her DC2, she will not know what’s hit her and ALL of her ‘smile’, ‘think positive’ comments will come back to shame her.

diddl I need hope in my life and you’re not helping!

Agree though that the baby may not be as easy as you are lead to believe. My DMIL kept comparing my baby to my DN who apparently was an angel. I learned years later that she was still waking at 7, years not months.

I love my best friend, but the devil in me was a tad pleased when her second baby was more difficult than her first. Her first baby was easier than mine which she thought was due to her parenting and not the fact she simply had an easy baby, so she was always offering me parenting advice.