WIBU to be honest about my experience with with childminder?

[Xuli]

Several years ago we moved DD(3) to a new CM, let's call her Jane. Jane lived very near to us and advertised very clearly she would be doing collections etc from the local school and its nursery. This was the only reason we changed from a lovely CM, as we were planning for the future. When I met Jane we talked about this and she said yes, she was planning to cover just that school and nursery, and yes she would be able to take DD full time at that point and start taking her to that nursery once she got her funded sessions.

Fast forward 8 months or so and we get to the day when nursery and school places were allocated and Jane calls me to say that her own small children had got into a different school the other side of town and so she wouldn't be able to cover our nursery, and so was giving us 4 weeks notice that she wouldn't be able to take DD any longer (and did the same to another parent too, we found out later). This was a complete surprise, especially the 4 weeks notice as it was only April and the school/nursery changes would happen in September. We had to put DD in a less well rated local nursery (unsurprisingly the only one with places!) but in the end it was fine, DD loved it, I sort of forgot about it.

I rarely saw Jane but did about a year ago when she said she was giving up childminding to start a new business from home.

Not long after I went meet a potential CM for baby DS and was pleasantly surprised to see this CM had Jane's old assistant, Emma, working as her assistant. It came out in conversations over the next month or so with Emma and the new CM that Jane had given Emma, who was working pretty much full time for Jane, 4 weeks notice to find a new job as Jane had suddenly decided to give up childminding and start a business from home.

Yesterday evening I got a message on FB from another mum I vaguely know asking how I found Jane as a CM. It seems Jane has changed her mind and has started childminding again.

Now obviously it was completely within Jane's right to choose which school she felt was best for her children and so to change her mind about being able to cover our local school. However I've always felt it might have been... polite, I don't know, to have mentioned it to those of us parents who were looking for the local nursery so we had a vague heads up our plans might change. Maybe that would be expecting too much though. Anyway, I've been asked for feedback now. On a day to day level I felt Jane was fine with the kids but now I know she's been chopping and changing a lot, dipping in and out of childminding, taking on an assistant then dropping them - as a future parent, would you want to know that? Or would that be sour grapes on my behalf, and I should just say Jane looked after DD fine?

(Sorry, that turned out longer than I thought!)

You can give your opinion on the day to day care of your dc, and also give your opinion as a client / service user.
So - Jane provided a good level of care for my dc - stimulating activities etc etc and dc was happy to be left with her.
I found Jane to be somewhat unreliable with regards to long term plans and commitments which meant her giving me notice unexpectedly.

I think you are well within your rights to be honest about your experiences, but try not to be too negative iyswim. It seems Jane was a good CM , but she seemed not to plan ahead too well, highlight her good points, but mention your issues as an aside.

Speaking as someone who was a Cm for years of course you can give your honest experiences about her care and choices.

I’d be careful, as she didn’t do anything wrong, juts not what you’d hoped. She quit her job to peruse something else. If she’d told you she was planning on a different nursery, and then didn’t get the place- you may have pulled out your kids- and she quit well before the start of term. I understand you had certain expectations, but unless you have care concerns, I doubt there is much else you should comment on.

That's what I'm torn about, SD1978. Technically she did absolutely nothing wrong, she had a change and gave us our contracted notice period. However as a parent, I'd also be disappointed if anything similar happened and I found out later that another parent had had similar experiences and didn't share them?

My person feeling is that while Jane is a nice person and looked after the children well, she views childminding as something to pay the bills or which fits in alright with her own childcare needs. Which doesn't always lead to reliability, but also is a bit unfair on childminding as a whole, I see how hard all the rest we know work to be professional.

Just be honest about all of it.

I'd be honest. You could even start from a place of 'oh I didn't know jane had returned to childcare' then explain you found her care good and that you only left her because she changed her criteria and gave you 4 weeks notice. In that way, you're not criticising her decision to change her criteria but you are making it clear that it left you to scramble around for someone else. It also leaves it open for the other parent to ask when Jane stopped being a childminder, etc. It gives enough information that they can pursue questions if they want but can also ignore the information if they're already keen on using Jane.

I disagree. She obviously found out in April that she hadn't got the school she wanted for her dc and told you immediately. Continuing until August before saying anything would have left you 4 weeks to find a new nursery and/or CM.

When I changed jobs I didn't tell my employer til I had a new and was resigning. I'd be very angry if they left a reference somewhere saying they were disappointed that I didn't tell them I was looking.I don't see how this is any different.

People who care for our children are employees like anyone else. Not generally very well-paid at thay.

Or she tried her own business - it failed - and now she's back childminding because there are debts to pay off.

I'm not sure what she's done wrong really. 4 weeks notice is completely standard. Disappointing for you of course but totally standard. This is an issue with childminders generally I guess - and I say that as a childminder myself. If they decide to give notice you are left without childcare unlike with a nursery. What if she'd given you a heads up about potentially moving her kids school and then they hadn't got in? She could have lost all her customers for nothing.

Sure, tell the person the truth about your experience but I think it would be a bit mean to embellish it with adjectives such as unreliable or talking about her 'chopping and changing'.

Would you have given Jane more than 4 weeks notice if you lost your job and needed to take your DD out?

Why would you interfere with Jane's ability to earn a living when she didn't actually do anything wrong? Her personal circumstances changed and she had to change the work she was doing for you accordingly. It was unfortunate but sometimes life is like that. You wouldn't give a bad reference if someone left a different kind of employment due to personal circumstances, you'd just accept that people move on.

Concentrate on how well she looked after your DC. How she arranges her life is none of your business. Just because someone does childminding (or cleaning, for that matter) doesn't mean they should be 'nice' and put their employers/clients needs ahead of their own wishes.

I’m another person that can’t see what she has don’t wromg. Sure it’s annoying to lose your childminder but it’s the risk you take with having one and not using a nursery. And I’ve been there, panicking and trying to find another one!

You make it sound like a bad thing that childminders do it to pay the bills and not as a vocation. Most of us work to pay the bills!

I don't think she's done anything wrong really. If you had changed your mind about the school your child went to you would have given her 4 weeks notice and explained why - just like she did to you.
She also gave her assistant 4 weeks notice to end her role. This would again be pretty standard.
I would just keep the details factual and about the care you gave ie if the children were happy.

Can you give your honest feedback and just end it with “We was sad to leave when given notice when she decided to stop minding our dd, when her personal circumcstanses chanced which prevented her from childminding” then it’s factual and her stopping is out there but you have put no negative spin on how you feel Re that aspect?

My lovely cm gave us four weeks notice to nanny. It was a nightmare with work. I then found a minder who turned out to be hideous. I had to move my ds into a nursery all within six months. I’m glad I got made redundant. When the lovely cm returned to minding and asked me if I wanted to go back I couldn’t take the risk. It’s a massive ball ache with work and childcare to have four weeks and during that time I had to disscus with management resigning after working for 15 years and ten as a working mum. Nightmare

I I think you would be unreasonable to give someone a bad reference in these circs - it isn't her fault her children didn't get into the school she wanted. What did you expect her to do? How could she pick up from 2 different schools at 3pm?

I think you are BU also to mention her dismissing her assistant. 4 weeks notice is standard, and it probably coincided with when children were leaving her care. She is allowed to change her business you know.

I wouldn’t say her “personal circumstances prevented her from childminding”. It could be perceived as more ominous than it really was.

If a childminder told me they could do pick up from a specific school, and clearly advertised this knowing it was the reason I picked them, then I would be annoyed if they suddenly changed their mind. She obviously knew there was a chance her dc would be going to a different school so she should have told you that was a possibility. You basically moved your dd, had her settle with someone else only to have to move her again. That could have been avoided in my eyes, by the childminder being a bit more open.

Jane did nothing wrong and acted entirely according to contract as far as I can see.

YABU and it would be sour grapes to imply she was causing trouble deliberately.

I think Jane's problem is that she guaranteed OP and another parent a specific service, without being able to guarantee it.Then she decided to drop them within 4 weeks despite there being a few months of leeway.
As a business person Jane shouldn't have promised a service she can't guarantee and could have allowed both parents to continue in her service until they found alternative provisions, as it was her fault.

Her form for short notice then extends to an employee who had no warning that Jane was ceasing to childmind until the contractual notice. Surely Jane knew about her planned changes and could have offered more notice for staff, allowing them to find other employment?

Jane is not an employee handing her notice in.

Such unfulfilled services and short notices could seriously impact other families needing reliable care.

She didn’t guarantee it. At the time that was the school and nursery she collected from and then that change. She didn’t promise it would stay that way forever. And she didn’t “drop them” she gave them plenty of notice in sufficient time for the school year.

Sometimes people expect more from childminders than they do any other workplace and that’s because it’s also a personal relationship. But first and foremost it’s a business and it has to work for the childminder.

Jane lived very near to us and advertised very clearly she would be doing collections etc from the local school and its nursery. This was the only reason we changed from a lovely CM, as we were planning for the future. When I met Jane we talked about this and she said yes, she was planning to cover just that school and nursery

That is guaranteeing it. She advertised as offering that specific service, she then verbally confirmed this with the parents.
At no point did she indicate that she intended to, however it may change depending on her own circumstances.

If any other business or service advertised as providing x but then never people would be, rightly, annoyed.

“Planning” is the word Jane used. It’s obvious things may change when using a childminder, nothing is set in stone. And she rightly gave them the required notice.

She has done nothing wrong.