another trans thread

[transandconfused]

I have been reading mumsnet as kinda a guilty pleasure for a while now, but not as a mum, as a bored teenager. I have noticed a recurring theme in the threads and that is a lot of amnosity towards the trans community. It's coming across as that you guys think that all mtf trans people are perverts with massive beards and all ftm trans people are faking it for attention. But this is not the case.

I have been out as ftm trans for about a year. I never really came out to my parents as they were there from the beginning of me discovering my gender. Even so, they aren't very comfortable with me physically transitioning and i might have to get a job to pay for private gender therapy. At this moment in time i bind, present as male and am out to my teachers and most of my friends. Tbh i'm just trying to live my life and make the most of what comes . So the point is that i want to know where this hatred and blatant dislike of trans rights and the trans community comes from. Most of us just want to live like anyone else.

I take it you haven't actually read the threads then because that is not what is being said
I'm interested in womens rights and that they are not erroded

Your going to get mauled on here, I hope you are wearing protection.

I totally agree with you OP.

transandconfused I haven't seen any hatred, just concern about erasure of sex segregated spaces put in place to protect women from violence at the hands of men.

Thanks for coming on here though, really appreciate hearing the other side of the argument - I think it's a really difficult situation where everyone (transwomen/men and women) should have rights and protections.

Do you mind if I ask you what your definition of gender is?

I completely agree with you OP

All the best

I also don't think anyone believes you're faking it - or that all transwomen are perverts with beards. Many of us on the feminism boards have been to talks and hugely appreciate the - currently dissenting - voice of a growing number of transwomen.

The transphobia is rife but to be fair, I do not think it is trans people per se who are meant to be perverts. Just the ones who campaign for the laws and rights that are strongly disagreed with. Well according to some posters anyway.

Fellow transperson here.
(Middle aged transwoman, to be more exact).
I'm sorry to say that, unsurprisingly, you've clearly not read the threads very well at all.
There is no dislike of the trans community, no transphobia. Just women trying to ensure that their rights aren't eroded or thrown aside in the favour of someone else's rights.
You and I may be people trying to live our lives but others aren't.
Look up autogynephiles, or Ian Huntley, for example.
Look into the damage an early transition (with hormone treatment) can do; including off label drugs that doctors are being sued over; and the organisations that claim to help people (mermaids for one) lying about this.
This isn't about hating transpeople it's about key disagreements, about self ID, the transitioning of under 18's, male sex offenders being put in women's prisons and raping them and impregnating them (this has happened) prolific serial killers trying to
Claim trans status for a "cushy" life.
This isn't about you and me,
This is about some very awful people who would hurt us just as much as our mothers and sisters (and in my case my daughters).
Being liberal and open minded is the automatic response; for me anyway. But sometimes if you're a bit too open minded your brain will fall out.

averagewife funnily enough i study psychology and we're learning about that at the moment. I think gender is the way you brain is wired which may or may not be determined by genitals. I do believe that you cannot be trans or non binary unless you have gender dysphoria (discomfort with birth sex) although that is definitely a spectrum and people can feel it more or less than others.

you haven't really read lots of that stuff here - you are being quiet transphobic confusing trans people with self ID'ing men using the issue of trans rights to attack women's right

cleared that up for you

@transandconfused I want you to know that you're going to get a lot of people on this thread who will minimise your concerns, gaslight you, tell you that you're wrong about your own life and experiences, try to convince you that no-one on this site is transphobic and that you've misunderstood or got it wrong, that they don't mind trans people but just want to minimise their rights etc etc etc.

But we don't all feel that way. Some of us wholeheartedly support you. Some of us recognise that your gender doesn't depend on your biology and that you don't need to tick off a checklist of transitioning precedures to be worthy of recognition or understanding.

You won't find support or understanding from the majority of people on this site. Please don't take it as representative of the rest of the world, and please don't feel disheartened by what people are going to say to you here.

also i'm really pleasantly surprised by everyone's responses so far. Tbh i thought i'd get absolutely flamed on here

Peanut I really welcome your contribution to these threads by the way

I don't hate trans people. I think they're doing their best to carve a life in a brave new world. The one I know has had surgery and was a lovely guy and now a lovely woman. I'm concerned about the abuse of self id by the and the risk to my daughters and others in previously safe spaces. That doesn't mean I feel it's genuine trans people who are the risk. I'm concerned about reporting of sex based statistics and how self id changes that and the policy that relies on those statistics. I'm concerned about sport and the elimination of women in sport unless we take practical steps to safeguard their space. I'm also pissed off at "cis" as a foisted label.

Not everyone on here shares those views. I agree that most of the trans threads are full of complete hyperbole.

What Ghosty said.....

the thing that sparked this tbh was the thread about trans girls being allowed in girl scouts. I saw some quite awful replies on there and that's what prompted me to post

And I wish the trans activists would push for "a third space" and therefore I could get totally behind them.

also i'm really pleasantly surprised by everyone's responses so far. Tbh i thought i'd get absolutely flamed on here

Because that's how some people would like to portray mumsnet (and the feminism chat board)

Peanutbuttersquash nailed it 👍

"I do believe that you cannot be trans or non binary unless you have gender dysphoria"

If a TA read that, they would report you for being transphobic. The new rules include not needing to have body dysphoria to be trans just the feeling of being trans. (Not that I agree with that...I don't believe in Gender at all)

trans when you say teen, how old exactly? I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be replying robustly to a young teen who may be vulnerable (as most teens are)

FWIW most people here have nothing but admiration for the vast majority of the trans community who are going about their lives without trying to trample on anyone else’s rights. I know things are much easier for young trans people now than they ever were and I’m glad about that.

So you believe you are male, but it's clear from your own post (you call yourself FTM) that you are bodily female.

Can you put any words to why you think yourself a boy or man? Is it a visual thing (as you mention flattening your breasts to 'present as male')?

No, as a parent of headstrong teenagers I can quite imagine your parents are not very happy with the idea of voluntary sterilization, non-essential medication or surgery. Good grief, most of us want to know the full range of side effects before dishing out the Calpol, let alone encouraging a teenager to do something with lifelong implications before their life has been very long at all.

Go and enjoy life. Get a job, get travelling, get a part in a play, get a tattoo, get a degree, get a selection of really excellent guitars (or is that just my teenagers?). But don't get hung up on your inner identity. And don't stick unnecessary hormones into yourself. You don't know what effects it might have.

I guess a lot of people read Mumsnet because they are bored-somehings ;-)

Success for the future in any case!

I feel sorry for you OP. You're very young and you have no idea of the kind of external pressure that you've subjected you to. Teens through time immemorial question their identities. It's part of the process. But you are living your most vulnerable years in an unprecedented era of sexual and gender politics. All of which is compounded by a crumbling social order and loss of old certainties. The young today can not be sure they will have a job, a home of their own, or even a family. It's an incredibly destabilising time to be alive and everyone is flailing about for a sense of purpose and a tribe to join.

I would advise you not to do anything rash and wait until you are into your 20s before you make a final decision about who you want to be. Good luck.

Interesting - do you have any papers or info on gender being defined as a brain function? I'd be very interested to read. In my opinion it is a social construct - you see, and this is where I think the problem sometimes lies, in the definition. I think all people should be free to wear dresses, or not, or display behaviour typically of the opposite sex (as defined by society), whatever makes you happy. It should be more accepted, rather than you changing - society needs to change. You aren't the problem.

fyi I think it's totally normal to be very uncomfortable with your sex, particularly when going through puberty.