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another trans thread

76 replies

transandconfused · 27/03/2018 17:24

I have been reading mumsnet as kinda a guilty pleasure for a while now, but not as a mum, as a bored teenager. I have noticed a recurring theme in the threads and that is a lot of amnosity towards the trans community. It's coming across as that you guys think that all mtf trans people are perverts with massive beards and all ftm trans people are faking it for attention. But this is not the case.

I have been out as ftm trans for about a year. I never really came out to my parents as they were there from the beginning of me discovering my gender. Even so, they aren't very comfortable with me physically transitioning and i might have to get a job to pay for private gender therapy. At this moment in time i bind, present as male and am out to my teachers and most of my friends. Tbh i'm just trying to live my life and make the most of what comes Smile. So the point is that i want to know where this hatred and blatant dislike of trans rights and the trans community comes from. Most of us just want to live like anyone else.

OP posts:
noraclavicle · 27/03/2018 17:43

There’s no reason for you to think you’ll ‘get mauled’ OP - and there isn’t ‘animosity towards the trans community’ per se. People are worried about self-ID and proposed changes to the law: they’re not anti-trans. Peanutbuttersquash puts it all very well - please read their post!

greenyblue · 27/03/2018 17:44

Peanutbuttersquash highlights the concerns - it's not hatred - well.

Lesbionage · 27/03/2018 17:45

ahah i'm another bored teenager browsing mumsnet in free time!

SluttyButty · 27/03/2018 17:46

trans I'd like to hear what other teenagers think. I've tried to discuss the whole self id issue with my dd and her words to me were "you're transphobic mother and I'm horrified". She believes there is no issue to be had and for a very intelligent young woman, she's being very naive.

Anyone else discussed it with their teens?

transandconfused · 27/03/2018 17:46

actually lancelottie i've decided that i am going to wait till i'm 18 or maybe 21 for hormones/surgery and see if i still feel the same way. I agree, teenager's gender identity is extremely fluid and i may well wake up one day and question everything again. I do collect cool guitars, i have one with the tube map on in fact Grin

OP posts:
MrsCaecilius · 27/03/2018 17:47

Just wanted to say @PeanutButterSquash - well expressed!

tobee · 27/03/2018 17:47

*I wish the trans activists would push for "a third space" and therefore I could get totally behind them
*
But the fact is they aren't. They are pushing to use women's spaces. And they seem to be surprised/angry that women object to that.

mumgogetter · 27/03/2018 17:48

OP genuine question - were you told about the side effects and risk associated with binding?

Lancelottie · 27/03/2018 17:49

Excellent, that's one DS hasn't (yet) acquired!

Keep on being you. If you can do that without altering your body, that may be a better long-term plan. Bodies are quite delicately balanced systems and medical/surgical intervention can be pretty crude.

PeanutButterSquash · 27/03/2018 17:50

SluttyButty

I've discussed it with my older 2 (both teens)
Don't think either of them would have the gall to call me transphobic, but they do seem to understand the issues with self ID. My eldest (dd) is v passionate about it and is hoping to attend the "a woman's place" event with me in April, if she can get the day off.
Thanks for the comments all Smile
See op, I've not been chased off mumsnet with pitchforks just yet!

OohMavis · 27/03/2018 17:50

Thank you for posting. I know we have a reputation, but for the most part it's utterly unfounded. Being gender-critical doesn't equate to being a bigot.

transandconfused · 27/03/2018 17:51

mumgo i know it's quite risky, actually my mum wondered the same thing but unfortunately, if i didn't wear one i'd be in constant distress due to hatred of my body so i figure that i'd rather be happy in presenting as male than be suicidal over how i present to others/myself.

OP posts:
Custardo · 27/03/2018 17:55

i think its brave to ask

I hope people answer you in a thoughtful way.

this subject is new to me and ive been off MN for ags and when i came back trans threads were everywhere.

so heres my take on it from a very basic level.

its not about trans people - its about womens rights. Trans people i am told do not want a third way - they either want to be classed as male or female.

women have protection under law - we do not get the same opportunties and access that men do. there is a proposal to change the definition of a woman to include those who self identify as a woman. this leaves the door open for many misuses and protections of women

for instance someone could id as a woman having not undergone any surgery, counselling or support or the couple of years it takes to get a certificte - they just elect to be a woman. if i go to the doctor and for many many many reasons ask that i be seen by a woman. that would include someone who self id as a woman.

in a company men could self id as a woman and the company reach their equality targets having put no measures in place.
funds for research into women’s medical issues, or domestic abuse of women by men, or projects to get women into STEM will be eroded.< thanks to nosquirel for that example>
sports women will not be able to compete on an equal playing field
a woman in an abusive relationship who may need a refuge - which at the moment has the right o only employ women could employ someone who self IDs as a woman - therefore the chance to put abused women at further risk, but at the very least no matter what the intention of the person who self IDs as a woman, that refuge would not feel like a safe place for women who are abused
a young teen girl buying her first bra could be assisted by someone who self IDs and who has not undergone surgery and doesn't want to, someone who self IDs as they can use this to abuse their position

A Muslim woman who can only participate in certain women only activities, will not be able to participate on religous grounds
an elderly woman who would rather have a woman wash her after an episode of incontinence...

there was aslo a thread about the guides trans policy recently. Parents would not be told if their daughter was on a camping trip with a teenager who self ID as a woman.

Now, i agree with you op, that in reading the threads, it seems massivley anti-trans. However, if you read the feminism section - it does come across anti male a lot of the time - to me at least.

but on this occasion the inclusivity of self identifying does erode the rights and protections that women have.

andd yes - this still leaves you and others stuck in the middle with no solution. i am a very solution orientated person, i am a very lefty loony inclusive person and i want to find a solution - to pitch one at least but if the trans community are saying that people should be able to self ID as a women this affects the existing women. and if trans people are saying that there isn't a thirs option, that they will only accept being accepted as either M or F - there is no solution.

so the fire and the fury that you read SHOULD be becuase womens rights are being eroded - however i agree with you the sentiment behind a lot of threads is very anti penis.

theaveragewife · 27/03/2018 17:55

actually lancelottie i've decided that i am going to wait till i'm 18 or maybe 21 for hormones/surgery and see if i still feel the same way.

Good on you transandconfused very sensible.

jellyfrizz · 27/03/2018 17:56

Some of us recognise that your gender doesn't depend on your biology and that you don't need to tick off a checklist of transitioning precedures to be worthy of recognition or understanding.

I don't think you'll find anyone on here saying that gender depends on biology though. It's pretty much feminism 101 that biology should not restrict how you present/behave/what job you do.

PeanutButterSquash · 27/03/2018 17:57

With regards to binding, do ensure you do so safely.
Bandage binding is the least safe method (you could instead try professional chest binders, a tight fitting sports bra or sports compression wear).
Remember to go to your doctor if you experience pain or major discomfort. Unfortunately sweat rashes and chafing are reasonably common but liberally using baby powder should help with that.
I've no direct experience in binding however have helped many friends do so. Improper binding can actually prove fatal (due to damage to lungs/broken ribs causing punctures) so be careful
Good luck

exWifebeginsat40 · 27/03/2018 17:57

oh, dear. OP, this will not go well for you.

the gleeful hate expressed here regarding transgender issues is despicable. i think the language around surgery and those who might or might not have had it is disgusting. utterly reprehensible. misgendering, bullying, cocks and balls in changing rooms - it’s all here in glorious black and white. those involved should be ashamed of themselves, but they revel in not being ashamed. it’s a race to the bottom which still occasionally leaves me open-mouthed with astonishment. and yes, i report and report and report.

so, yeah. fuck all that nonsense. and fuck all that cringing, risible Spartacus idiocy as well. you don’t speak for me.

AsAProfessionalPenis · 27/03/2018 17:59

I don't think males should be in guides
That doesn't mean I hate or fear trans folk.
There is a lot of research that shows men and boys dominate in groups. A single sex space gives girls a chance to explore themselves without males present
Gender does not = sex

transandconfused · 27/03/2018 17:59

peanutbutter i wear a binder from quite a reputable LGBT shop, i've never experienced much (if any) pain from it. Although i might need to go up a size soon because my medication is making me quite overweight Smile

OP posts:
PeanutButterSquash · 27/03/2018 18:00

Really, exwife?
I see a few posters telling OP this will not go well.
A few more including myself respectfully disagreeing.
Some others offering advice (wait until you're older before you make a decision, and I gave some tips to help make binding safer. If you're gonna do it may as well not die doing so!).
No one has "mauled" the OP,
Or been horrible to them.
Flamed them, chased them to the flouncers corner with pitchforks.
Am I reading the wrong thread?

OohMavis · 27/03/2018 18:01

And yet the nastiest comment is yours, exwife. How strange.

ToriRay · 27/03/2018 18:02

@transandconfused Hi! I was just wondering what the support you get from school is like? I know there are lots of schools implementing policies and doing quite a lot of educating around LBGT+ at the moment, but wondered if it is working practically for you? Smile

53rdWay · 27/03/2018 18:03

i've decided that i am going to wait till i'm 18 or maybe 21 for hormones/surgery and see if i still feel the same way.

Good decision. And I wish you well whatever you end up doing in the future - I absolutely loathed my body as a teenager, couldn’t even look at my breasts, and it was horrible to go through. (I’m happier now as an adult, it got better!)

transandconfused · 27/03/2018 18:04

toriray I'm afraid i can't advise you much because i've been going to a non mainstream school this past year. They're very accepting and call students by whatever name/pronouns they require. My old school were quite touchy about it but mainly because the (few) friends i told outed me to the teachers/leadership team.

OP posts:
titchy · 27/03/2018 18:04

oh, dear. OP, this will not go well for you.

Except, if you bothered to read the thread, it's been largely supportive, understanding and helpful. And not at all patronising which (sorry!) often happens when a load of middle aged women are talking to a teenager.

OP I wish you the best.

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