To make ds2 wear shoes he's ripped get wet feet?

[mrsBeverleyGoldberg]

Ds2 has ripped his shoes including peeling off the sole. They cost £40. Ds1 has Aspergers so will have a meltdown in the shoe shop if we go straight from his school. I can't leave him by himself. Should I replace them today or let him get wet feet in the rain tomorrow?

How did he rip the shoes?

By picking at them in school. He's peeled the leather off and the sole of the shoe. It isn't accidental.

How old is he?

Can you call the shop to see if they could put the correct size of the replacement shoes behind the till? That way you could go for cake and just nip in and pay for them and leave.

He's nearly 11.

At 11 he can wear them tomorrow, that is the consequence or ruining your shoes

Yes make him wear them, he deliberately destroyed his shoes and needs to wait until it is convenient to you for a replacement pair. He’s 11! Personally I would also dock any pocket money he gets to pay for some of it but I’m probably horrible..

Can you get some superglue to fix them until you can get to a shoe shop?
Can he wear his trainers tomorrow?
But no, you don't need to go tonight.
Hope this evening isn't as bad as today sounds like it might have been

Yes I'd make him wear them (can you glue/repair them yourself in anay way?)

As an aside - why do kids do this kind of stuff? My DS at that age could easily have done something like that - he do things so totally daft that I'd be completely bemused and say 'what on earth were you thinking ?'
(If it's any consolation, he's 33 now and doesn't randomly dismantle things - mainly I suspect because he buys them himself )

does he have any kind of additional needs himself?

Did you buy the shoes back in September or are they new ?
I’d personally buy him another pair as I wouldn’t have my kids going to school with hole in there shoes.

I used to destroy things at that age. A combination of boredom and stress I think. But it was compulsive so not malicious.

Why is he doing it so you think?

Pixie she hasn’t said she won’t replace them she’s said wait until they can do it easily.

I’d patch with duct tape and replace at the weekend. It’s his own fault and hopefully he’ll learn from it.

Why do kids do daft stuff like this?! I mean, I remember doing similar at that age, couldn’t tell you why though!!

If he did rip the shoes apart on purpose, he should have to wear them tomorrow. He's 11 not 5, and understands that actions have consequences.

Is there anyone that could pick up the shoes for you?

I wouldn't let him walk to school in ripped shoes unless I really couldn't avoid it.

Follow up message - tell him not to step in water. Sorted!

Diana I seen that but I’m saying I’d buy another pair as I wouldn’t send my kids to school with holes in there shoes, not even for a day! Not when I can afford another pair. Not saying I’d be happy about it but I’d deal with a meltdown if it meant my child wasn’t walking around with wet feet or duct taped up shoes!

If the shops are close enough, would you trust him to go get them on his own if you gave him the money?

Could you send him in a different pair of shoes with a note?

Sending him in ripped shoes is a last resort, surely

He did it on purpose and he's 11 so he needs ro deal with the consequences.

Personally, I wouldn't let him get his feet wet (it's absolutely horrible having cold soggy feet all day) so I'd either:

• superglue them and make him wear the superglued ones for a few days/weeks until it was convinient to get him new ones. If the superglue does an OK job you might not need new ones anyway.
• have him wear trainers and if he gets told off/detention for not having the right footwear then tough.

If he has form for destroying his stuff, I'd also start making him contribute to replacements.

How could you let your child walk around with cold, wet feet all day??

Yes, if he has ruined his shoes on purpose there should be consequences but not wet feet!

As pp have said: superglue. If necessary, cardboard in binliner. You can cut and glue it all to size.

Thank you for your help. He got wet feet on Monday apparently. We were only ten minutes away from the shop and there was free parking in the street right by it. His brother did scream at him last night and during every other meltdown. Also I scuffed my shoes when I was a year older than him, so I did feel a bit of a hypocrite. I was thinking about how hard it must be for him to have a brother who screams and threatens him every time he meltsdown. I got the shoes but he is paying for one of them. I feel like I should have made him wear them and get wet feet. We've been having a tough time with ds1's behaviour and just didn't know what to do.

No. I wouldn't let him walk around with cold, wet feet. I had a poor upbringing and not having a pair of shoes that were whole was bad enough, but the misery of wet feet, all prune-y at the end of the day was awful.

My son has high functioning ASD - does he usually pick at things? If he is a picker - it could be he had taken things too far. Personally I would put him in sneakers - he could have wet socks for something like 7 hours - sounds a bit cruel.

Why does your other child have to have wet feet to pacify the autistic one?

Shoe shops are hell for Aspergers meltdowns. My son usually has the same type of shoe so where possible I buy them without him. But only at shops where you can take back if not the right size. Can you watwrproof them somehow? I can’t imagine cold wet feet and Aspergers is not going to be without it’s own issues. We go through shoes every three weeks. It’s painful and expensive.