To think the nursery are exaggerating?

[Confusedmummydotcom]

My LG started nursery in January and after a couple of hiccups she settled in really well. She only attends 2 afternoons a week. Her group is looked after by a number of nursery staff and she's absolutely fine with most of them. She is usually eager to go there and enjoys playing with her friends.
However, there is one teacher who always seems to tell me all sorts of negative stuff about her, in front of her and my LG now avoids looking at that particular teacher and talking to her when I hand her over. None of the other nursery staff tell me anything negative at pick up time, so I'm worried this particular teacher exaggerates things a great deal, making my LG feel like she can't do normal childhood things because she'll be put on the "quiet step" and judged.
To give an example, my LG needed the toilet badly and as another child came out of the cubicle, she pushed him, then they sorted the issue between them and no one was hurt, they were best friends again within a minute. I don't condone pushing anyone in any way but when the teacher told me about it and made it sound really bad and she also mentioned other negative things, like my LG crying when someone hurt her finger (not sure how this is my Lg's fault) or expressing her dislike of the dinner they were offered (I wasn't aware they weren't allowed to express such feelings). This teacher always tells me how she had to put my LG on the quiet step to calm her down because she was running around or because she was being loud and energic but to me, these are normal behaviours for a 3year old and I don't see why they expect her to sit down quietly all the time.
Now the teacher has called a meeting with me and the deputy manager to make a plan and I'm not exactly sure what this is about. From my point of view, pushing that child was pure impulse in the light of being desperate for a wee and won't happen again...
AIBU to think this is all exaggerated and doesn't require such drastic measures?

I'd be asking where the key worker is in all this. She is the one who is supposed to know your child best. She should be completing observations, creating a learning journey record and completing regular assessments. This will help to form a full picture of your LG.

They could be looking at some sort of behaviour support plan but there should be lots of evidence to inform it. So one push wouldn't be enough. I wouldn't be looking to write a plan at all unless a behaviour was occurring regularly or multiple times a session. Even then I would be collecting a lot of evidence, observations, room audits (does it happen in the bathrooms every time for example), who is it happening with? Tally charts to gauge frequency.

Do you get reports? You should. Does it mention any of this on them?

Remember a plan is really to make sure that everyone approaches the situation in the same way so the child gets a consistent message. Mind you for the things you mention normal behaviour management techniques should be sufficient. Explaining, praising good behaviour, time out if necessary.

I work in a setting with 2 to 4 year olds and if I wrote a full plan for every child who pushes a bit I'd never leave the office. Ditto getting upset for no real reason or complaining about lunch.

Maybe ask to meet her keyworker and managerinsteadof this other woman? It may be there are issues and other workers have just been more reluctant to land them on you in front of other parents at pick up. It may be particular staff member has unreasonable expectations. But either way it should be keyworker who can give you the best overview of your DD's behaviour?

I think this ^^ as you obviously arent comfortable and have concerns, regardless of the teacher's thoughts about your child.

I've had that constant negative feedback thing and it's wearing - it should be balanced with positive.

Of course, that doesn't mean they do.

Crisis averted, obviously crazy mum over here. The meeting was not to tell me how misbehaved my LG is but to try and make a plan to let all staff know they need to watch out for the "wee wee dance" and remind her she needs to go before it all gets out of hand. They also asked what calming down techniques I use at home when she gets hurt so they can make her feel more comfortable and calm down faster. Thank you all for your replies

When my son was 3 he had a horrible nursery teacher who seemed to take a dislike to him she pulled me aside nearly every day about petty things that 3 year olds often do even once saying ‘ this sort of thing follows them all the way through school’ she could barely hide her disdain for him
My son has never had a bad report or bad word said against him again and he’s 14 now and a straight A student who doesn’t say boo to a ghost .

Lol, seems a bit minor to call a meeting with someone who isn't even her keyworker AND a manager over! To the extent I'm wondering if the manager changed the agenda when they discussed pre meeting.

I know, right? They could've spoken to me without making such a big fuss about it... Oh well, at least it's over now

It is over but if you're getting constantly negative feedback you need to raise that with the manager.