To ask how you coped with a pregnancy/baby you couldn't afford?

[ivyrosa]

Just that really, we are both so desperate to start a family together and we keep waiting until the right time for years now, mainly due to large debts. We now have £11k debts left between us on credit cards, loans but we have good credit ratings and always meet the repayments/overpay on monthly basis. We earn just under £50k a year between us which isn't a huge amount but we only have £100 living costs each month (rent/bills/etc) due to some lucky circumstances. We get by each month pretty much pay day to pay day, always seem to have a week of struggling but only due to spending a lot monthly overpaying our debts to try and clear them. We spent the last week babysitting his niece and nephew (18 months & 2yo) and last night we both just cried together at how lovely it was and how frustrated we are to still be waiting for a family of our own, we have massively reduced our debts but it's taken time and there is still such a way to go.. he ended up saying there's never a right time, and we will find a way to make it work and make ends meet like we always do and to just try?

AIBU to consider it?

I said I need to think about it because for years we've said to wait until the debts are at 0.. I know we should.. but it's hard.

Sorry it's so long. Lot of feelings. Did anyone find a way to make it work without suffering? If there's a way to make it work even if money is tight that's one thing, but I won't bring a baby into this world if it'll be at a disadvantage due to my financial situation. Not sure what I'm looking for, either a push to do it or someone to talk sense into me..

I would try and avoid the top-up shops. We spend a lot less than that on two of us, plus two cats each month, and that's with shopping at Tesco as the nearest ALDI is a 50 minute drive from here.

The other option is to only carry cash, so you can't spend more than you intend to. So if you only need bread and milk, don't go to the shops with your bank card, just take £5 with you, then you can't be tempted to chuck loads of random things in your basket. I find it's the random bits that catch your eye which add up (and quickly!).

That's a shame. Remember a baby takes 9 months to arrive! And there's no guarantee that you'll conceive straight away. I'm 4 weeks pregnant and my husband had a change in career and is currently doing an apprenticeship so on minimum wage. I earn 37k and our total outgoing for the mortgage, bills etc is around 1600 per month so things aren't ideal for us but we know we'll manage and soon enough once he's fully qualified he'll be earning closer to what I am and we'll be fine. We didn't want to put off trying though in case it took ages. It's a careful balance isn't it. I've sat down and planned what we'll be saving while I'm off on mat leave (my petrol is 300 a month I have a 75 mile commute), car lease is due to expire and it's expensive so will look to save on that, all sorts of ways we can save. Once baby has arrived he'll have passed the first stage of his apprenticeship (gas plumbing) and will be a qualified plumber so we're planning on him picking up foreigners. A girl who works for me had her first baby when she didn't qualify for maternity pay and her husband was on minimum wage, they'd only just bought a house. They made it work because you do what you have to. If you've just started a new job though, I'd wait for maternity leave before you try. Also, if you try your own bank where they can see wages coming in they might not be so bothered about how long you've been in new job. X

Also if your home is only in your partner’s name, I’d get married before having a baby. Not necessarily a big wedding, just legal protection if you ever need it.

Op it's hard when you're desperate to clear your debts I understand

Definitely make a budget and start calculating how long it will take you to clear your debt. Then remember it takes at least 9 months to make a baby so you can start trying soon.

Depending on your age, I will go for baby first. You will find a way to work the money out.

Just a point on food, we are a family of 3 and buy most food online, hardly any takeaways, and we spend around £200 on food a month. It can be done you just need willpower and discipline.

I buy own brand stuff, no branded cereals etc and definitely no organic

OP loads of people have asked your age - that is an important factor. If you're late 30s it would likely take a while to conceive so you should start trying now and working hard to pay off your debts in the meantime.

If you're in your 20s you have the luxury of time and it seems like you could be debt free in a year or so so I would definitely recommend that. You want to give your baby the best start possible, and that includes you not being stressed because of money.

Your great living situation means that once you've paid off your debts you should be in a good position to afford everything you need for a baby and childcare etc.

We had a baby with 14k of debt, consolidated to a lower payment - it's been tough but fine. We spent the 9 months of my leave paying minimum amounts, I'm back at work full time and now he's just turned 2 we are debt free.

It's taken longer than we wanted to pay it off, and we overpaid like mad in the 9 months of pregnancy but I wouldn't change it.
We are lucky that we have childcare form MIL 2 days a week and pay 550 a month for the remaining 3 days. We earn £45k between us and have outgoings (including mortgage and nursery of £1800 a month)

You would have had more sympathy if all that information had been in your first post! It sounds like it has been a very stressful time for you both. I would suggest waiting until your debt is repaid - having money worries when you are pregnant/ on maternity leave is not great.

Does all of your partner's income go on his debt repayments? From your figures, it looks as though you're paying for all the food and other household items. So once the debt is paid off, you'll have £750 'spare' per month - if you continue to live frugally while TTC, you can save to cover your maternity leave even if he is still paying off debt.

I agree with the previous comments that you won't be able to afford childcare/ loss of your salary while you're paying off your debt. We have a household income of £42k (one full-time and one part-time), and after paying mortgage, bills, childcare, food and household costs, and a loan repayment, we each have about £100 a month for ourselves - so not much different to how you are now.

How old are you ?

So you have gone through your payments, but your partner pays 100 in living costs, and let's say 200 in transport. You must be paying for all of the food at £250 a month.

That means your partner has £1000 to spend on his loans. He'll pay them off in 11 months, and then he can contribute towards paying down your loans. You both should be debt free in 12-13 months.

That is nothing. Plus you need to build up some savings so a redundancy doesn't force you to go into debt again. After you pay of your debts, If you both lived the same lifestyle during your pregnancy, both of you could save 1700 a month for 9 months which is over £15,000 savings!

This is a very unpopular opinion and one that almost always get lambasted on here, but I think if we all waited until we were financially comfortable to have kids nobody would be having kids.

I had DD when I was in a 1 bed flat with not an awful lot to my name. We scraped by and went month to month but she was always fed and happy. You sound like you have enough to keep a baby fed and happy and that's all they need. My DD is a wonderful little girl and she didn't grow up with designer baby clothes, fancy toys and a silver cross buggy, just enough food, clothes and love to stay fed, happy and warm.

How old are you ?

You can have a baby cheaply, buy secondhand, try breastfeeding, stick to the cheap/baby groups. It's when they get bigger they're expensive.

But as much as you want a baby now, imagine how much nicer your babies first few years will be for you both if you can afford nice activities or cute clothes etc. It's possible not but preferable to do it on such a tight budget.

I will go against the grain and say, just TTC now. There's never a perfect time and if you both want it,and both have jobs, do it now.

Statutory maternity pay is less than £600 a month and then full-time childcare anywhere from £600-1000. With the information you have given I would say you absolutely cannot afford a baby at the moment.

Like others I’d ask your age. If you’re young you can make choices that will make your life easier in the long-run. It will only get harder to pay off the debt and live how you want if you have children to pay for. You can do babies on the cheap but there are areas where spending money can make your lives easier or nicer. For example, going to baby classes, not panicking about the cost if you need to buy formula, being able to buy different foods for your baby to try when weaning and not being distressed at the waste. Childcare costs can be crippling and you need to have a realistic view as to what you might do after mat leave and how the costs add up.

It sounds like you have both been through a lot and the stress of dealing with money worries during maternity leave could be avoided by waiting a bit longer. Babies are wonderful but they can be difficult and stressful too especially if money is an issue.

If you haven’t already have a look at the debt free wannabe posters on money saving expert. If you post a full budget poster will help you see if there are changes you could make to your spending and may be able to help with consolidation or negotiating rates etc.

I really feel for you, OP! You haven't answered any of the posters asking your age as far as I can see, so I don't know how old you are, but I would suggest you keep on the way you are for the moment. In a few months you should be able to consolidate some of your debt so that will be a big help. I wouldn't have thought your debt needs to be at 0 before you start trying, though, as it takes a while to grow a baby! You cold maybe start trying at the end of this year or this time next year? It will fly by!

Definitely go on the money saving expert forums.