To ask how you coped with a pregnancy/baby you couldn't afford?

[ivyrosa]

Just that really, we are both so desperate to start a family together and we keep waiting until the right time for years now, mainly due to large debts. We now have £11k debts left between us on credit cards, loans but we have good credit ratings and always meet the repayments/overpay on monthly basis. We earn just under £50k a year between us which isn't a huge amount but we only have £100 living costs each month (rent/bills/etc) due to some lucky circumstances. We get by each month pretty much pay day to pay day, always seem to have a week of struggling but only due to spending a lot monthly overpaying our debts to try and clear them. We spent the last week babysitting his niece and nephew (18 months & 2yo) and last night we both just cried together at how lovely it was and how frustrated we are to still be waiting for a family of our own, we have massively reduced our debts but it's taken time and there is still such a way to go.. he ended up saying there's never a right time, and we will find a way to make it work and make ends meet like we always do and to just try?

AIBU to consider it?

I said I need to think about it because for years we've said to wait until the debts are at 0.. I know we should.. but it's hard.

Sorry it's so long. Lot of feelings. Did anyone find a way to make it work without suffering? If there's a way to make it work even if money is tight that's one thing, but I won't bring a baby into this world if it'll be at a disadvantage due to my financial situation. Not sure what I'm looking for, either a push to do it or someone to talk sense into me..

You don't have to wait a whole two years, just 15 months. It would be on be to build up savings, but it could take you months to get pregnant.

How old are you?

You don’t have £120 left because you are part of a couple . You would have far more if you had not been so reckless with spending.
Your food costs are double what they could be for one person.

Have you been to citizens advice OP?

I’m wondering if there may be a way out of the terrible rate that they can help you with. Could knock a few months off the wait.

Waiting for a baby is horrible. We only had to wait six months to start trying (for stability reasons) and then four to conceive (first baby) but it was not enjoyable! Babies became all we could talk about! Especially since you aren’t going out spending money on holidays etc so you don’t have other things to focus on.

Just remember though that waiting is hard, but PND triggered by money worries and the stress of caring for a baby under those conditions would be much much worse.

Hugs OP. It will be worth it.

Get those debts paid. It should be easy with those figures.

Child care is expensive (£900 a month here) so even though babies are cheap, loss of income or childcare is not.

We paid out debts before getting pregnant. I'm glad we did. Mat leave with no money is miserable.

Re “ how the other half live” I meant whole families are living of one minimum wage due to sickness, disability, being a lone parent etc.
You are a couple on 50k with almost no rent or bills.
You need to learn to live within your means.

Can you consolidate your debts to sort out any high interest?

I wouldn't have call it hilarious, but I don't feel particularly sorry for people who've overspent and then struggle to make repayments either.

Did you at least get some enjoyment out of your purchases? Holidays? Nice clothes?

Try not to feel sorry for yourself because you have credit cards to pay off, and I mean that to be helpful. What's done is done.

@MyDcAreMarvel 'Reckless spending' My partners father committed suicide due to bankruptcy, left his mother bankrupt with my partner and 4 other children. My partner took out loan after loan to help his family survive as he was 20 at the time and the eldest child. He got himself in a fucking scary amount of debt during this time, defaulted on many payments, had Interest rates that should of been illegal and is still trying to get his way out of it. My debts were taken out during a period of unemployment after being made redundant, the only part of my debts that was a purchase for me was for a car. Reckless spending my fucking arse. Get your head out your arse and stop assuming people's circumstances.

first thing to do is cut up all credit and store cards and use cash only to make sure you really rein in spending and don't add to the debts you have.

Is that £250 on food just for you, or for both of you? You can probably reduce that by quite a bit... do you have access to online shopping or is there an Aldi or Lidl near where you work (I understand living in a rural area often means paying more for food in small local shops)?
For example, DP & I pay around £140 (excluding the gin budget ) per month for food and household cleaning products etc.

Is your credit card on a 0% interest rate? You should focus on paying off the debt with the highest interest rate first, then paying the lower/ 0% interest rates (otherwise you'll be accruing a greater amount of interest).

What did you buy with the debt? e.g. if it was a car, could you sell it and buy a cheaper model?

Good luck, and good on you both for tackling the debt head on! I would definitely aim to clear it before having a baby though as it will only be harder (and take longer).

How is me having £120 a month left after paying all my fucking debts hilarious?

You obviously have no idea how to budget. You have a decent combined salary and low living costs. You shouldn't be living pay check to pay check.

We haven't had nice holidays. We haven't had flashy things. Almost every penny we have spare has gone on paying off debts for a long time now. The figure my partner was originally paying off was astronomical but since I've been with him we have got it under control by making all repayments and rebuilding his credit score. Now we have £11k each and are bloody proud of it, my credit score is good and we've managed to fix his as well. We are proud of what we have achieved over the last few years but desperate to start a family. It was just a post about whether we'd be unreasonable to do that whilst still having debts. Why people are making me sound like some shopaholic idiot I do not know.

But 11k debt is not that much. Like another poster said, you can pay that off pretty quickly considering your circumstances.

MyDcAreMarvel I, or rather we were in debt because of illness, min wage etc. So your last statement is very unfair without knowing the facts.

The OP could be in debt to afford a car, which she might need for work etc.

I'm going back to work. I'll live on about 18k a year, so I get what you are saying. But I've seen both sides.

OP on the plus side, you've got really good and exciting reason to keep plowing on and getting rid of your debt.

You and your DP have got time to work out all the practicalities around him supporting you and both of your expectations.

Oh just saw 11k each!

X post OP.

When the time comes, it sounds as though you'll both cope with whatever life with a little one throws at you.

Sorry my last two posts are quite angry but the reason for our debts have not been easy and we have worked so hard to reduce debts of far more than our combined salaries for many years. We're exhausted of the constant scrimping and just want a baby. I know 22 months until my loan is gone isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, but we've waited a long time already. It's an emotional topic for me.

How old are you? If you're late 30s I'd say go for it. Otherwise, I'd say sit down with your partner and work out a payment plan. Get debt free then start. Maternity leave isn't much money and then childcare if you return is extortionate! I'd look at the finances long term and make a plan.

HI....Ignoring how you got into debt....its nothing you can change so no need to get into all that. The fact is you are trying to look to the future and reduce and get rid of the debts.

May I suggest you pop over to martin lewis money saving expert pages/forum as they can give a LOT of good advice on cutting costs with less of the slagging you off . You can maybe also look at consolidating the loans/credit and lowering interest rates. If you are meeting every payment and overpaying then I think your credit rating should have improved since you first got in debt so you may be offered lower interest rates.

Another thing to check is if you are allowed a baby in the flat? If not you may need to look at rents elsewhere and factor that into cost of having a baby.

You're spending a lot of money on food - £250 is a huge amount for two people. Is there any way you can cut that down? Shop at ALDI, or do all your shopping online and stop doing top-up shops? I find they're deadly 'cause you pop in for milk and end up spending £30!

As a couple you're both earning a fair amount of money - even if you're spending £750 on debt and £100 on living costs, that should still leave you £450 to spend on fuel, food and sundries - and that's not including your partners' income. If you are struggling on that now, how do you imagine you'd cope with a baby? They're not cheap - full-time childcare is about £900 a month, or if you SAH, you're losing a salary of £1300 a month - neither of those options seem doable with the debt repayments you have.

I would focus on paying down as much debt as possible. Are your credit card/paypal debts on an interest-free card? If not, switch to interest-free as soon as possible. What's your loan repayment for and when does that finish? Ie. will you soon have that money free to pay towards your credit cards, or is it a loan you'll be paying off for a while?

You can get debt free, you just need to be smart and pay off the expensive debts first, no holidays or big purchases until you've paid everything off and built up some savings.

If you've got a good credit rating you should see about getting a consolidation loan of 11k, to repay all tour current debts. If your rating is genuinely good then you'll get a much lower rate, especially for your credit cards. If they know that your overall debt won't increase cos you're repaying it and you're making more than minimum payments with existing high interest rate hopefully there won't be a problem. You can take it over 5 years for a low affordable monthly payment and have a lot more spare each month whilst still saving a fortune on interest even though you're taking longer to pay it off.

Could you get a second job? I work full time Mon-Fri then work Saturdays in a shop.

It brings in an extra couple of grand a year and has enabled me to save towards buying a house & getting married (both achieved in 2015) and having a baby (due in September)

I earn similar to you (£1376 after tax) from my main job and about £160 from my second job and I've saved £10k in the last 2 years. I don't have the debt you do but my living expenses are much higher so I'd say it's roughly equivalent. It's definitely possible

I've looked into consolidating loans - but I got a job as an estate agent after doing admin for many years to try earn more money. It didn't work out, and I've gone back to a job as a receptionist. I have to have received several salary payments into my bank before I can get approved for anything and I haven't even had pay day #1 yet

How old are you OP? Agree £250 a lot on food every month. We don’t spend that for a whole family.

When I say £250 on food I mean all shopping, inc toiletries etc but I am very guilty of doing my main shop at Aldi but lots of top up shops at local shops which really do add up. I will try and plan better and avoid this