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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU To want to abandon this holiday 'cos of stroppy DS?

55 replies

Tinkobell · 27/03/2018 09:21

DS Aged 15 driving everyone mad. Face like thunder, shouts "What've I done wrong now?" ....if you hold eyes for more that 3 seconds, that is. Stroppy, rude, random off thread comments, ungrateful. It's Kevin the teenager. Late last night made random yell sound, dashed in to see if ok, denied it. We are on a holiday, he's upsetting everyone. Am tempted to pack my case & leave or make him pack his bag and leave - with DH. Badly badly needed this holiday rest. Any tips ????

OP posts:

Idontdowindows · 27/03/2018 09:23

A stern talking to to behave for the rest of the holiday is what I would have gotten, but then my parents brooked no nonsense.

Steamcloud · 27/03/2018 09:31

Suggest you and dh take him to one side - present a united front -take away your ds's phone - ask him what is wrong specifically (and allow him to reply) and then (if there is nothing serious wrong of course!) tell him in no uncertain terms that his selfish behaviour is ruining the holiday for everyone else, that you both need a rest, that holiday was expensive etc. Tell him he will get his phone back when his behaviour is better.

Re-think holiday next year so he can bring a friend along or do an activity that he enjoys?

Good luck op . Deep breaths!

underneaththeash · 27/03/2018 09:50

Show him the Harry Enfield Kevin the teenager sketch on you tube??

I can't be doing with stroppy, ungrateful teenagers and DS1 loses his phone/ipad for the day if he's been warned once and still continues being sullen.
I'd maybe give him a bit of money and let him wander off by himself so that you both have a bit of space.

MojoMoon · 27/03/2018 09:54

Give him a fiver and tell him to go off and do his own thing for the day and to be back at dinner?

If he doesn't like being with you, let him go off and do something else. More fun for you all.

If he wants to stay but be annoying, just tell him calmly every time he is annoying and that you'd rather he stayed in his room or went out instead. Just don't engage. Now isn't the time to teach him manners, he clearly hasn't got them yet so wait a week until you are home and then come up with some better long term strategies.

Bluelady · 27/03/2018 09:58

Oh Lord, I remember that one so well. Stroppy, sulky 15 year old ruined a two week holiday in Italy for us. Ten years on we tease her about how vile she was.

Great idea to give him some money and tell him to entertain himself for the day. Trying to talk to him is a waste of time, they're programmed to be a nightmare at that age.

Zaphodsotherhead · 27/03/2018 10:06

Is he also like this at home, or is it just now, on holiday?

Has he, perhaps, formed an attachment for someone back at home and can't wait to get back?

Or is he just being 15? They can test the patience of a saint at that age. I agree with give him some money and let him explore by himself (within some boundaries). He's at the 'butting horns' age and you won't be able to do anything right.

cuppateamum · 27/03/2018 10:20

Every now and then our DS turns into one of these...we call him the lizard brain. Agree with pp's that talking/engaging is unlikely to get through. My tactic would be to try either time on his own (yes with cash in pocket if needed) or to offer options on what to do today, let him choose today but make it clear someone else will chose tomorrow. Or strike a bargain of some sort - do this/chill out/be nicer and in return he gets reward of his choice. If you can help him feel that he has some say over what's going on, he has an element of control, this may help.

Not much help now but I have a great book on teen brains and development (amazon has several) - helped me understand the reasons for this behaviour and take it less personally.

Arapaima · 27/03/2018 10:23

Can you leave him at the accommodation and go out for a nice day with DH? Sightseeing and a nice lunch?

Unktious · 27/03/2018 10:32

If talking hasn’t worked I’d leave him to it. Can you leave him at the hotel? Otherwise might a major telling off work. Don’t tell him he is selfish not to appreciate it but rather tell him you don’t give a shit if he enjoys it but he isn’t to ruin it for everyone else.

orangesmartieseggs · 27/03/2018 10:33

Whereabouts are you? Could you not let him go and do his own thing for the day, or at least the morning/afternoon?

Is he bored? I imagine at that age he'd rather be with his friends tbh. What kind of activities are you doing? For example if you're just dragging him around museums and churches, he's probably bored to tears. I remember enjoying that kind of thing as a kid but I hated it as a teenager!

I think the key is to give him some input. Don't tell him what's going on - ask him if he'd prefer to go to X or Y, for example. Or say, we're going to A in the morning, but after lunch you get to decide - the zoo or the aquarium? He might be a bit more enthusiastic if he feels he's been able to choose the activity - I mean, at 15, he doesn't want to just be dragged around by his parents (NOT saying this is what you're doing, but if he doesn't have a say in what's happening, it probably feels that way to him).

Aprilmightmemynewname · 27/03/2018 10:35

We took ds 15+his friend on holiday, they were a nightmare - put them on a plane home.
Enjoyed the rest of hols!!

Unktious · 27/03/2018 10:36

Is it possible to send him home? Perhaps his grandparents could pick him up from the airport 🤷🏻‍♀️

DarkRoomDarren · 27/03/2018 10:38

Oh god I’m reading this thread with shame. I remember going on holiday with my parents and younger sibling when I was about that age and I sulked a lot. It was because I missed my friends and felt lonelier on holiday than I did at home, where I had a massive group to hang out with. Looking back, I was an ungrateful wee bitch. My poor, lovely parents want to spend time with me and I was sulking because I wanted to hang out with people who I barely even remember now . My mum died a few years ago and things like this make me feel so sad.

Hope there’s nothing more serious than that upsetting your ds op and that he can snap out of it! Tell him from me .

InspMorse · 27/03/2018 10:48

Do you have other DC with you?
Are you in a place that is a 'holiday' and much needed break for him too (if he's 15 is he just about to start exams Year 11?) or is the holiday his idea of hell?
Is he like this at home?
So many questions - obviously he IBU when he is rude but is there more to it?

Johnnycomelately1 · 27/03/2018 10:50

Every time he does it, just say "Mrs Paterson" to DH and crease up laughing.

Original poster

Tinkobell · 27/03/2018 17:05

We are on IOW and tbh the weathers v dicey - but it is Easter. DH did do the stern talk today which has helped as well as 24 hr tech ban and threat of much-awaited school trip being axed. Yesterday had face like thunder all day and took constant piss out of everything around us. So depressing.

I think this is hormonal (for me and him - menopause + puberty 😀). Only 3 days left. Not worth heading home. Very warming to hear others teen holiday horror stories! Tomorrow we are planning on sitting on ponies in the rain. Marvellous. Still, gotta bottle in the fridge tonight!

OP posts:

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/03/2018 17:20

What activities have you been doing? To be honest, IOW in the rain at this time of year sounds a bit grim for any teenager unless you put a bit of effort in to finding something they’ll be into. Eg bowling/swimming pool with slides/amusement arcade etc?

When you’re an adult and it’s raining on holiday in this country you can spend ages relaxing over a cuppa and reading the newspapers (stuff to don’t always get a chance to do guilt-free at home)

But a teenager would not find that thrilling. Most of them, anyway . I would have been happy with my nose in a book for a few hours. And if he’s got mates who have gone somewhere hot in the Easter break then he’s probably looking out at the grey murk and wishing he was there (as would I!)

MothertotheLordsofmisrule · 27/03/2018 17:22

Ah yes IOW in the rain.

i feel your pain, Ds1 was exactly the same when we stayed in Cowes.

We gave him some cash and let him bugger off to buy snacks etc or gave him the 'job' of finding the nearest Co-op and buying milk.

Bought us about 30 mins peace.

Steamcloud · 27/03/2018 17:55

Is he interested in sailing at all op?

Bluelady · 27/03/2018 17:58

To be honest I think the IoW in the rain would make me sulk!

InspMorse · 27/03/2018 18:01

Tomorrow we are planning on sitting on ponies in the rain.
TBH, if I was 15, on the IOW for a week with my parents and had that to look forward to I'd be a bit .
He needs to learn some manners though & control his feelings though.

InspMorse · 27/03/2018 18:02

'though'

PotteringAlong · 27/03/2018 18:04

I’d cancel the ponies. What are any of you getting out of that?

NellythePink · 27/03/2018 18:23

I vividly remember how it feels to be 15 and on a drizzly family holiday. I was so desperate to be cool and grown up, and the enforced family time made me feel embarrassed and infantilised. I wanted to be wearing cool clothes and smoking fags with my mates. I found the jolly seaside/interesting museum thing absolutely mortifying. Especially when my mum would do things like make me wear a waterproof jacket, or pose for photos.

It's such a difficult age. I'm about to become a parent myself...in 15 years time I fully expect a massive karmic payback from the universe

NellythePink · 27/03/2018 18:28

By the way, a couple of other posters have suggested making light of the situation/referencing Kevin the teenager. If your DS is anything like I was, that would be lighting the touch paper for a massive row. In my very limited experience I would suggest the clear boundaries thing you are already doing, but if you can find a way of making him feel a bit grown up that might help. Time on his own, a bit more freedom, later nights. Just an idea.

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