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Original poster

To book weekend away the weekend of friends cancelled wedding?

52 replies

BrideOfChucky · 26/03/2018 23:08

DP and I were meant to be going to a friends wedding which is 8 hours from home.
We were meant to be there 2 nights 3 days with the wedding being on day 2.
We haven't been away since our 2 year old was born as we don't have family/friends locally to help - we live very remotely.
Anyway, my mum managed to get the time off work to have DD for all 3 days so we we booked our hotel to go..bla bla.

1 week to go now until the wedding and the bride and groom have really fallen out, messy split all over FB and very public (screenshots of angry text messages!)
We've both messaged them (she's a very old childhood friend of mine and he's a more recent friend of DHs) but not had a reply from either of them. People close to them have told us that the wedding isn't on and the hen/stag this week were cancelled.

I suggested to DH that we book somewhere else (closer to home) that weekend as we have a babysitter and the time off work and spend some time together. He really wants to do something just us too but is worried incase the wedding is suddenly back-on and then we loose out on deposits for the new hotel booking as he thinks we would have to go to the wedding. I think even if they decide to go ahead with it, it would all seem very false now.

Would we be unreasonable to book our own thing for that weekend? Or is that in bad taste.
Maybe I'm being terribly fickle but I'd love some time with my husband alone! Blush

Have NCd for this Blush

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 26/03/2018 23:10

Why not just use the hotel you've already booked for the holiday? If the wedding is on you can go, if not, enjoy!

3boys3dogshelp · 26/03/2018 23:11

Definitely not unreasonable to make use of your weekend of babysitting. It would be considerate not to put lots of loved up photos on FB though..
Why don’t you provisionally book something through booking.com or similar so you get free cancellation up until the day of arrival? Then if the wedding goes ahead you can attend and if not you have a back up.

Original poster
BrideOfChucky · 26/03/2018 23:11

It's just so far to drive there with nothing to do at all close by to it. I suppose that would be a fair compromise though - we will loose the deposit if we don't use it.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 26/03/2018 23:17

Does the hotel have any sister chains in another location? You may beable to transfer your booking

Palegreenstars · 26/03/2018 23:17

I would email them and cancel attending the wedding and prioritise time with your Partner.

I don’t think it’s unreasonsble - time away is precious and it’s not worth sharing it with squabbling drama queens.

Wish them all the best and send them a card,

Original poster
BrideOfChucky · 26/03/2018 23:19

@GreenTulips that's a really good idea, I'm not sure they do but will certainly look into that.

OP posts:
SundayGirls · 26/03/2018 23:22

Can you direct message someone close to her (friend, mother?) to say you don’t want to press her in case it’s sensutive but is the wedding going ahead or not as it’s been suggested it’s not?

Also, contact the hotel and ask them if they have a wedding booking for the weekend in question. Just say you’re double checking the date as you’ve lost your invitation but don’t want to tell the bride that. You don’t have to say you have a room booked there (as then they’d think that was odd) not do you want to spill the beans to the hotel just in case it’s still up in the air. Just pretend to be a visiting guest who is staying close by/with friends (not sure of the address, it’s your dh’s mate etc etc if they get all chatty) if they ask.

Then you might get an inkling as to whether the couple have cancelled the hotel.

JeSaisPas · 26/03/2018 23:23

I'd book a room somewhere with free cancellation and make the decision nearer the time when you know if the wedding is definitely off.

honeyroar · 26/03/2018 23:25

Oh dear, that's a mess! I had a wedding that had to be cancelled many moons ago, one of the first things to be done was to let guests know, and that was ten weeks before the wedding. I remember feeling really bad that we'd messed people about. I imagine they're in shock/denial and one of them may be hanging onto the hope that their wedding could still happen. But if they really have had such a public fall out and cancelled hen/stag dos then it would be crazy to go ahead at this point. It's really rude to not have contacted people, even if it's someone else officially doing it on their behalf.

Could you look at some other places that you want to go if you didn't fancy the wedding venue? But don't book them until the day before, perhaps? Is your mum still ok babysitting?

MrsJayy · 26/03/2018 23:25

I would do a booking. com to where you fancy and wait and see you don't want to cancel your weddinghotel it could all be hunky dory by the weekend

Original poster
BrideOfChucky · 26/03/2018 23:30

I feel awful for them it must be a horrible thing to have to do a week before your wedding but I would have thought we would have heard official word from a bridesmaid or family member at this point.
I think we will look at booking something with free cancellation as suggested.
I've not told my mum about all the drama yet, but she messaged me earlier saying how excited she is about her visit. I didn't want to mess her around either so thought we would make a definitive decision and then give her the option of still helping out or not, thought I'm 100% sure she would still be happy to whether we go to the wedding or visit the moon Grin

OP posts:
honeyroar · 26/03/2018 23:34

They will be reeling probably. It was the most public, talked about break up I ever had, loads of phone calls (all upset for me) at a time when I just wanted to curl up and die.

I wonder if you could ring the venue and see if they know whether it's still on (and enquire about any alternative deals if not while you're at it!)

Greymisty · 26/03/2018 23:44

Enjoy a nice weekend away with your partner without a doubt.

SavvyBlancBlonde · 26/03/2018 23:46

Messy split is by the by- has anyone been in contact to say the wedding is actually cancelled?

YimminiYoudar · 26/03/2018 23:50

Most hotels have one price for a nom-refundable booking and another about £30 more expensive for a flexible cancel-up-to-3pm option. I expect the £30 is used for some kind of no-show insurance, or maybe it reflects the proportion of no-shows whose empty rooms need covering.

You definitely deserve a break but do check with babysitting grandma that she is happy to do this when there is no wedding going on.

boxthefox · 26/03/2018 23:51

I really do not understand why people cannot just make a decision for themselves and go for it!

Sounds ridiculous that the wedding is off and hen/stags are in the same week, but shit happens I suppose.

We are not your mother OP. Do what you have to do and want to do. Free babysitters sounds like something no one would cancel!

I am not sure about the wedding being called off though. Pre wedding nerves. Facebook has a lot to answer for. It is evil.

frasier · 26/03/2018 23:55

What happened? Why did the couple have a fight? What did the FB messages say?

(misses point of thread)

Mummaloves · 26/03/2018 23:56

Well i don't have a very high tolerance threshold when it comes to being messed around - by now I'd be calling and saying "Is the wedding going ahead or not??, we have taken time off work, arranged babysitter (who has also booked time off work), booked and paid/deposit for a hotel, and more importantly have an 8 HOUR journey each way !!"

I can't bear it when people plaster their relationship bullshit all over social media - get everyone to take sides and listen to them whine, and are then back together in a few days, so this would really get on my tits - not knowing what's happening.

boxthefox · 27/03/2018 00:10

Did I miss much by not signing up for FaceAche, guessing not.

I have survived by texting, calling, whatsapping and so on. Facebook seems to be the work of the Devil. And of course you all know that it is only for fossils now. Instagram and Snapchat have taken over.

So if by any chance you wish to, or do let FB in your life, you are now an old fossil.

AJPTaylor · 27/03/2018 06:24

book a lovely weekend somewhere.
even if the wedding is miraculously back on, would you still want to go to it? i wouldnt!

rocketgirl22 · 27/03/2018 06:56

Def room with cancellation option for a weekend away.

I would not assume the wedding is off just because there has been drama, it is entirely possible it will go ahead, so keep your options open.

Peanutbuttercups21 · 27/03/2018 07:02

Yes, book via booking.com and book something that can be cancelled...

What about your original booking though? I guess you will have to decide to cancel that!

You know, I'd say fuck-it and cancel the wedding booking, also tell your friends that you unexpectedly cannot make their wedding. Then make sure you don't put any pics on FB of your weekend!

ShiftyMcGifty · 27/03/2018 07:04

I would imagine the wedding is still on. One of them may be going around shouting it’s off, but I doubt they’ve cancelled anything as they would still likely have to pay at this point.

I’d skip it though based on the huge public FB argument alone. What an awkward atmosphere that Would be, eh?

One of them will get plastered at the wedding, if they go through with it, and it will be cringeworthy.

topcat2014 · 27/03/2018 07:07

You are certainly free to do what you want, OP.

No need for everyone else to sit at home in 'misery sympathy'.

I would ask the parties concerned, via private messages.

strawberrypenguin · 27/03/2018 07:09

I'd cancel the wedding booking as even if it's back on I couldn't sit through it with a straight face after that.
Book somewhere you want to go and check your mum is still happy with that (which it sounds like she will be) and enjoy! These opportunities don't come up very often

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