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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu 're birth announcement

40 replies

Rachiie · 26/03/2018 20:01

Me and OH work in the hospital where we are going to be having the baby.
I'm concerned that all our colleagues will want to come up to see baby whilst we are there. We are likely to need a c section due to low lying placenta as it stands, so I'll be an inpatient for a couple of days most likely.
I don't want colleagues coming up and seeing me and the baby before family have met the baby.
OH thinks I'm being silly and that it's understandable that they'd want to come up, but its really bothering me. I feel like our families should get to meet our child before people we work with.
I feel the same about social media announcements, I'd prefer no pictures on social media until at least our parents have met the baby. Fair enough, I don't mind OH posting that the baby is here and doing well etc, but I want families to see them in person before everyone gets to see a picture.
OH doesn't understand why it is a big deal to me, and is insisting he's going to put it online with a picture when they're here. I've tried explaining to him so many times but he doesn't seem to understand.
AIBU to want family to physically meet our child before colleagues do or pictures go online?
Also, with it likely being a planned section we will know the date in advance. I'm happy for family and very close friends to know the date in advance, but I don't want colleagues knowing. Is this unreasonable? OH doesn't see an issue with everyone knowing the date our child will be born

OP posts:
rascallyrascal · 26/03/2018 20:06

I worked in the hospital where I had my son and I didn't tell anyone when I had him and they didn't find out! They respected my wishes. You could always have a work with the ward staff and say no visitor except family.

GingerFoxx · 26/03/2018 20:06

I was in this situation. A few people said ‘I’ll come and see the baby before you go!’ But in reality no one did and I think once it came to it they realised it would be intrusive and inappropriate

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 26/03/2018 20:06

This is your first baby and a massive, exciting, lovely deal for you. I promise you that no one else really cares that much. I also suspect that your colleagues will be respectful of the fact you will have had major surgery and not bother you too much. I don’t say this to be hurtful or unkind but to offer you some perspective. As it is your baby you are very muchxallowed to limit visitors and social media.

Makingworkwork · 26/03/2018 20:07

Have you pointed out to your OH that a c section is not just the arrival of a baby but also major surgery, the only time anyone has major surgery and no recovery time and then you need to bond with a baby.

I would what’s app colleagues after baby’s arrival to say baby Racheii arrived at xx today, weight xx, Mum and baby are doing well. We ask people to respect our privacy for now but looking forward to introducing him/her in the future. Tell the midwives in the hospital that you are only having family visitors and no colleagues. Get your midwife on board with telling DH how important privacy/quiet time is for bonding and breast feeding.

MyKingdomForBrie · 26/03/2018 20:07

I would let the staff on the ward know to tactfully rebuff your colleagues.

I don’t think you can police DH’s social media but you could pre warn your parents not to look at Facebook until they’ve met him?!

Bambamber · 26/03/2018 20:08

YANBU

I gave birth in the hospital where I work, and beforehand my colleagues kept saying to let them know when baby was here and they would pop by and visit. I essentially told them to fuck right off and that was not going to happen. Only immediate family knew when I went into labour, And everyone else found out when we were already home Grin

I think it's totally normal to want family to meet baby before posting photos, your OH should be more understanding. When you go onto the ward are you able to specify about your visitors so they don't allow access to anyone other than family?

MyKingdomForBrie · 26/03/2018 20:08

*or her sorry

BackforGood · 26/03/2018 20:10

I'm a bit puzzled as to why your close family wouldn't come when you are in hospital?

Original poster
Rachiie · 26/03/2018 20:13

One of our other colleagues had a baby at the same hospital just over a year ago, and a lot of staff went up to see her which is what makes me concerned that they would do the same to me, plus they're nosy haha.
I'm going to speak to the midwives and say no visitors, and I'm hoping that my colleagues will be reasonable but I know some of them will just be thinking "oh new baby" and not think about the fact I won't want them there. I'm hoping they'll be different when it actually comes to it but really not convinced.

OP posts:
BakedBeans47 · 26/03/2018 20:16

YANBU

MissionItsPossible · 26/03/2018 20:18

Are they the type of people that if you expressed this to they’d take notice? If they are understanding and you explained this to them they might back off? I abhor social media so I understand where you’re coming from in wanting family and friends to see the baby “in real life” than a photo but at the same time can understand his excitement in wanting to share his good news.👍🏽

Astrid2 · 26/03/2018 20:19

How will your colleagues find out? I would definitely try and persuade your husband not to put anything on social media immediately. What's the rush. Your husband needs to respect that really. Will you family come in and see baby and you in hospital?

GingerFoxx · 26/03/2018 20:19

I was in this situation. A few people said ‘I’ll come and see the baby before you go!’ But in reality no one did and I think once it came to it they realised it would be intrusive and inappropriate

GingerFoxx · 26/03/2018 20:20

Sorry it posted again Grin

sleepyhead · 26/03/2018 20:20

I had ds1 where I worked and a couple of colleagues popped by the next morning.

They weren't allowed to just wander in - the midwife came and asked me if I wanted to see them and that she could tell them I was asleep if I didn't.

I was happy to see them - they came just at the right time for a massive post birth high, but if I'd not felt like it I definitely would have got the midwife to put them off.

DragonMummy1418 · 26/03/2018 20:21

Just tell them?

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 26/03/2018 20:21

I had a 'friend' who absolutely insisted that she must come to see DC4. I told her not to, as family hadn't seen her yet. She said she was already on her way. I'd been back on the ward for under an hour, and in she trotted, with her then teenage daughter, waving a card in my face. I was so angry, and told her so. Needless to say, ex friend Grin

Mydoghatesthebath · 26/03/2018 20:22

I totally get you op and am eternally greateful my last baby was born in 1999 so slightly before Facebook etc.

You are quite right but equally perspective!! People say they want to see you but in reality they probably wouldn’t.

Tell the midwife you only want to see family First. You can’t control your babies daddy but I think he’s being a tad dismissive of your feelings. Why would you want random visitors after major surgery?

Still remember people are coming from a place of love for you and your baby and honestly you won’t really be bothered about this a few years hence. It’s about you and your baby being safe and loved.

Sod social media and just get the midwives to block visitors unless family. They will if you tell them.

Mydoghatesthebath · 26/03/2018 20:24

whywont

What an absolute cow!! Who does that! Deffo ex friend

bridgetreilly · 26/03/2018 20:25

Tell your colleagues you would prefer just to see family and that you'll show the baby off to them later.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/03/2018 20:25

I wouldn't want my colleagues visiting me in hospital regardless of what I was in for. YOU are the patient, not your husband, and he must abide by your wishes.

Original poster
Rachiie · 26/03/2018 20:29

I'm a bit puzzled as to why your close family wouldn't come when you are in hospital?

They would, but OH seems to want to announce it on facebook within like an hour of the birth, my parents live about an hour away and work full time so wouldn't be able to come until that evening or potentially even the weekend if it's a Thursday/ Friday. Therefore the Facebook post would be up before they could come and colleagues would know as well.

OP posts:
waterrat · 26/03/2018 20:31

You know what OP _ becoming a parent is an induction into the power of saying no and taking control. It starts now!

Every mum will hve times / memories of when they let people dictate what went on in terms of visits etc in early days and when they wished they had said no.

It's all a learning experience - to be honest you may feel differently when the baby is born - but for now I would just focus on what you can manage. Tell your DH this is major surgery for you and you need to be treated as a post-op patient

nobody other than immediate family needs to meet your newborn - and as someone said, they don't care that much either so don't feel bad aout stopping casual social visits.

waterrat · 26/03/2018 20:32

its weird that your DH is planning a facebook post! He needs to live in the moment with the baby - not obsess about getting a post on social media. I can't imagine thinking ahead about facebook like that - you need to have a word with him about that as he needs to grow up a bit!

pastabest · 26/03/2018 20:35

this happened to me and three colleagues came to see me and met the baby before my siblings or any of DPs family were able to. Because they were staff they just flashed their badges and wandered on to the ward.

I was annoyed. One was a really close friend and actually came in with DP who she had found lost in the car park so I didn't mind her coming so much, but one of them was a colleague I hadn't even worked with for around 6 months at that point and not someone I had ever been particularly close with.