Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this extremely antisocial?!

45 replies

willynillypie · 26/03/2018 10:29

I am currently sitting in a cafe waiting for the garage to replace my tyres. It's a pretty silent cafe - everyone is sitting alone and therefore no talking etc. Some inconsiderate man on the table next to me has his phone on loud, and every 20-30 seconds his text/whatsapp/email tone is sounding (I assume all three because there are three different tones). Maybe it's sad but it's really winding me up! AIBU to think he should be considerate that not everyone wants to listen to that?! Should I say something or will I look petty?

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 26/03/2018 10:30

Jeez say something! Why wouldn't you?

Aprilmightmemynewname · 26/03/2018 10:33

Put your blue tooth on, find him and send a stfu message!!

upsideup · 26/03/2018 10:37

Well its not a silent cafe is it? It just happens to be quiet at the moment.
What if a family came in a minute with kids and wanted to chat?

3luckystars · 26/03/2018 10:37

I think antisocial means doing graffiti or breaking the windows. I would use the word unsociable, not antisocial. just wanted to say that because someone called my son antisocial and he just was being quiet, and that word has bothered me ever since. Sorry if I am not correct with that info.

This happened me on a train, and I went over and showed the woman how to turn off the sounds, she was grateful. Offer to turn off the sounds on his phone if its annoying him.

LimonViola · 26/03/2018 10:41

Say something. Just ask 'please could you switch your phone to silent?' as if it's the most normal casual thing to ask in the world, and i reckon he'll do it.

Original poster
willynillypie · 26/03/2018 10:42

Upsideup

That would be completely different though wouldn't it? Obviously people talk in cafes etc! It's more just a very avoidable irritant to other people he is choosing to inflict. Currently I need to make a phone call, but instead of having some loud, annoying call inside a cafe that might disturb others, I will wait until I am outside again. It's just being considerate. I am just a bit nervous of saying something as I don't know how to phrase it without being confrontational and it's so quiet in here that everyone will be listening!

OP posts:
LimonViola · 26/03/2018 10:48

Literally say 'excuse me, would you mind turning your phone to silent please?'

That's all you need to say. No need for justification. It's a perfectly reasonable request in a public space with others around.

Creambun2 · 26/03/2018 10:48

People who do this are selfish and entitled.

Idontdowindows · 26/03/2018 10:50

He's a selfish git. He doesn't need it on loud.

celesti · 26/03/2018 10:53

Oh come on, he's not in a library or at the theatre. Of course he can have audible alerts in a cafe

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 26/03/2018 10:54

I would be wary about saying something. If he cannot imagine how annoying his phone is, he may have a lower threshold of tolerance if someone ask him to be polite.

I will give him the stare but probably just that..

Ilovelblue · 26/03/2018 10:57

I was on a train on Saturday in a so-called quiet carriage, ie, no mobile phone conversations. On the outward journey, two men were watching a film with earphones on but were laughing like maniacs all the way through it. Another man, literally facing the sign saying "No mobile phones" was having a strange conversation on his mobile. On the way back, two women had a mobile phone between them and were listening to something via the internet which we could both hear quite clearly. The train was going from Glasgow to London. Had I been on that train the entire journey (4.5 hours), I would have had to say something. As it was, our journey was about 2 hours, but it was still irritating. I would call that anti-social, as opposed to unsociable.

Idontdowindows · 26/03/2018 10:58

Of course he can have audible alerts in a cafe

I think audible alerts in public are antisocial altogether.

itallhappensforareason · 26/03/2018 11:01

I would probably find this really annoying too and if it was my phone going off loudly in a quiet place it would make me feel uncomfortable and I would turn it down/put it on silent. However some people don't seem to have 'normal' social skills it seems and are completely oblivious to everything around them, or just don't care! I would probably be too chicken to say anything, would just put up with it and get more and more annoyed.

Having said that, there could be a genuine reason why he has to have his phone so loud. Maybe he has trouble with his hearing or is waiting for an important phone call and really doesn't want to miss it for example. Probably not likely, but possible.

Branleuse · 26/03/2018 11:05

hell is other people

lottiegarbanzo · 26/03/2018 11:05

Antisocial is the right word - and yes, no harm asking nicely if he could turn them off. Maybe he will maybe not but if you're nice, you lose nothing by asking.

Unsociable is indeed being unduly quiet and uninvolved in a social situation that requires involvement. That's almost the opposite of what this man is doing. OP does not want him to be more sociable.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/03/2018 11:07

It's a cafe though isn't it. It's not a library

Idontdowindows · 26/03/2018 11:08

It's a cafe though isn't it. It's not a library

Would you say the same if he sat there shouting DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG BEEP BEEP?

Swissgemma · 26/03/2018 11:08

I have asked someone to silence notifications before in a cafe... a simple “hi, sorry, but would you mind switching your alerts to silent. Thanks!”has worked! It is really infuriating! I figure that if there’s a reason then he would say. “No because xyz”... it I also always have headphones so I can drown out irritations with music!

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 26/03/2018 11:13

If i had to swear on oath.
I'd probably think they were a loon. If they were sat there say Ding ding dong beep beep.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/03/2018 11:17

The person on the tube next to me on the tube had their keyboard sounds on and was constantly texting. I wanted to scream

SpringNowPlease2018 · 26/03/2018 11:18

Oh I hate this

I mostly experience it on public transport

I'm really envious of people who can tune out all the noise but I'd be interested to know what happens if several people did this at one time in one place....

KizzyBear · 26/03/2018 11:20

Are people seriously bothered by this?
That's not a goady question, just I can't imagine getting annoyed over it myself or never known anyone in real life to be annoyed.
Just another thing for me to be self conscious about whilst in public 🙄😂

LyndaSnellsFeet · 26/03/2018 11:24

You're in a cafe not a library. Some things I find beyond irritating in a cafe include:

  • The noise the coffee machine makes
  • People chinking cutlery against plates
  • Children being noisy
  • And yes, phone noises

But they're a social environment; if I wanted peace and quiet I wouldn't go to one.

LyndaSnellsFeet · 26/03/2018 11:25

Would you say the same if he sat there shouting DING DONG DING DONG DING DONG BEEP BEEP?

I wouldn't say anything if he did that as I would assume he had MH issues tbh.

Swipe left for the next trending thread