To find this extremely antisocial?!

[willynillypie]

I am currently sitting in a cafe waiting for the garage to replace my tyres. It's a pretty silent cafe - everyone is sitting alone and therefore no talking etc. Some inconsiderate man on the table next to me has his phone on loud, and every 20-30 seconds his text/whatsapp/email tone is sounding (I assume all three because there are three different tones). Maybe it's sad but it's really winding me up! AIBU to think he should be considerate that not everyone wants to listen to that?! Should I say something or will I look petty?

I think audible alerts in public are antisocial altogether.

That's utterly ridiculous unless you're somewhere that dictates quiet such as a quiet carriage of a train, cinema etc.

There's a difference between silence and socially acceptable noise though.

Just because the place you are in doesn't demand utter silence doesn't meant that audible phone alerts aren't antisocial.

It's a cafe. Ok it was quiet when you were in there but normally there would be people chatting, toddlers making a noise, babies crying etc so obviously his phone is more noticeable because there's none of that but I think even though it's a bit annoying he's not really doing anything that wrong. Was he working? If so he probably was just concentrating on that?

Kizzy "Are people seriously bothered by this? "

yes. are you the person on the train whose phone is constantly bleeping while you ignore everyone giving you the evils?

I wish we could go back to the 1950s sometimes.

This is all about MANNERS

When I was a child my mum used to say to me or my siblings' shush, not everyone wants to hear you..' (in a bus, train, cafe, etc.)

It's nothing to do with being anti social (an unsociable means you eschew meeting people - no such word as unsocial)

I once asked a boy (teen ) to turn his phone off/down/ whatever on a train and lo and behold his mum was sitting on the other side of the aisle unknown to me.

I genuinely think some people nowadays have NO IDEA how annoying their phone chats, use of phones are to other people. Selfish, dim, whatever...but the more of us who say' Ahem, do you mind?' maybe the message will get over.

Lost "I genuinely think some people nowadays have NO IDEA how annoying their phone chats,"

I think one of the worst is Facetiming etc on the train, bus

I've reached the stage where if the person next to me is doing it, I just lean over and say "hi!!!!" to whoever they're talking to

they are forcing me into their conversation, so I might as well join in.

I suppose I think that if someone needed to be able to hear alerts, they'd be responding to them.

I don't understand the point of burdening yourself and others with a constant tirade of beeps, if you don't need to know about and respond to an important message.

If the owner of the phone is able to tune them out, they're not doing their job, or are redundant.

Ha Spring tempting. I was in a large but quiet cafe the other week, in the morning, reading. A couple of pairs of people were talking. One woman, sitting alone, decided to have a conversation on her phone - on speaker. We could all hear both sides, broadcast loudly.

She received but I think didn't notice, some 'looks' from other customers. I was a little bit tempted to start reading my book out, to an imaginary audience.

Then her friend joined her - and she related the whole thing to her. 'We know' thought everyone else.

It's not to say I don't find phone alerts annoying but honestly if I was going to make a fuss about everything I find annoying I'd basically never go anywhere.

I've reached the stage where if the person next to me is doing it, I just lean over and say "hi!!!!" to whoever they're talking to

Hahaha, I do the same. Last one I shouted down the rows (could hear the noisy bugger 3 rows down) while he was still on the phone "say hello to your friend from all of us here in the quiet car!".

Lynda "It's not to say I don't find phone alerts annoying but honestly if I was going to make a fuss about everything I find annoying I'd basically never go anywhere"

this is basically what I've done. The world is a constant din, I find it very hard. Obviously I have to commute for work, hence the joining in with Facetime

When my parents are gone I'm going to move north and have a big plot of land to myself and hardly ever go out. I'm reading Sara Maitland's "Silence" at the moment, it's cheering me up.

idontdowindows - good for you.

Phone the most annoying person you know, have it on speaker phone and make sure it’s a really awkward or rude conversation, one that ends in “you hang up”, “no you hang up”.....,

How hard is it to say "Excuse me, would you mind turning the volume down on your phone alerts?"

But really, if you want quiet, a café isn't the place to go. What would you have done if a group of parents and noisy children took the table next to you?

Agree OP.

For those who say that cafes are not quiet spaces, I think there's a difference between the background noise that you get from the normal ebb and flow of conversation and the noise that a sudden, unexpected (for those in the vicinity) phone alert makes. Maybe it's a generational thing because i didn't grow up surrounded by electronic beeping, and maybe those who did find it less intrusive, but i think the battle to make it stop is lost and it will just become more and more a feature of everyday life.

Some of your replies are hilarious! Thank you - I definitely feel a lot less unreasonable! As it was, just as I was building up the courage to say something, he stopped receiving his barrage of messages (wasn't on silent, as he was still sending them and I could hear the "sent" tone), but it was no longer annoying enough to warrant saying something. Wish I had earlier though! I did give him several death stares but he was totally oblivious.

To people saying about cafe noise - as i said before it's completely different. If I go to a cafe or a restaurant etc, i expect to hear people talking to one another, cutlery, coffee machines etc and general noise. Someone just sitting on their phone and texting or emailing constantly whilst it is beeping is, as one PP said, a total lack of manners! I don't need silence, but I just don't want to listen to inconsiderate noise, and that's what makes it so annoying I think; just like people are saying when someone is on the phone loudly or face timing in public. It's like people have no shame or just don't give a crap about other people.

@SpringNowPlease2018
No I'm not. I'm the person that chucks my phone in my bag/pocket on silent and forgets about for hours and then looks at my phone with numerous missed calls and texts. I'm never on trains anyway. But I also that person if I'm on my own in a cafe/pub will sit on my phone to pass the time.

I was in a lecture theatre once and a woman had her keypad sounds on. She was using a dumb phone with buttons. Blip, blip, blip, blip.

I was too irritated to politely request she knock it off as I thought someone so unaware wouldn't 'get it'. I also doubted her ability to find the sounds in her settings.

Kizzy - well you did ask!

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