To ask you for weird/crazy/rude wedding stories?

[NomsQualityStreets]

Inspired by another thread.

Mine is only small and wedding never happened but sums my DM up perfectly.
We had barely started to plan our wedding, DP was born in UK but MIL is from a different culture where the mother tends to give the groom away just like the father would give the bride away in most. We have decided to incorporate this into our ceremony as we knew MIL would be touched and it would mean the world to her.

When I told my DM she came back within a few mins with this scary giddy look in her eye and announced that she should walk me down the aisle with DF too and wouldn't that be so great and lovely! Of course there was a sulk and "you must be ashamed of me" when she was gently (and I mean VERY gently) turned down.
In hindsight it's probably a good thing DS showed up and we postponed the wedding as I can now see how people were trying to get involved in it and we were blind to it at the time, in my minds eye I can fully see my DM turn up in white! She did say she wanted a long ball gown not a knee length dress for the wedding.

My mother (nc now)

Showed everyone the label in my dress that said extra large and took the piss.

Showed everyone my dress before I wore it.

Told my (now ex) husband that I was a slag and he would be better off with her.

Deliberately deleted the wedding video.

Wore the same colour as me 'accidently'.

Cancelled my DJ and got her mate instead.

Gave a cringe inducing speech including information I didn't want my ex husbands family to know.

Started grinding all over a guy that she was obsessed with, to the point he went home.

And so so much more.

My ex MIL just didn't speak to me as she thought I was a gold digger, there was no hold to be dug anyways

I wouldn't get married again.

My MIL shagged one of our guests

Awwwww your poor mum. Looking back I should have had my mum walk me down the aisle.

One of my favourite weddings was also without doubt the lowest budget one I ever went to. Friends got married at a registry office, and we had a picnic on the grass afterwards, which was cut short by rain. Bride went in her parents' car to wedding venue, a pub, while the rest of us took the bus with the groom.

It turned out that although the pub was not far away, it was the longest and most diversionary bus route ever, so we had a lot of alcohol on us and were getting drunker and drunker as we went, doubtless being really annoying to all the other passengers, who looked very skeptical when we pointed to the groom (dressed in black with a baseball cap on) and slurred 'He's just got married!'

About an hour later, we arrived at the pub where lots of the stools had shredded seats and some of the furniture was broken because there had been a big fight there the night before (proper East End boozer!) and the couple had a pagan handfasting ceremony conducted by the bride's brother.

It was definitely one of the more memorable weddings I've attended!

Whilst I was having my picture snapped next to the wedding car at my reception, my two-year-old niece grabbed the end of my enormous train and started polishing the car with it.

I creased up laughing, and it's my favourite wedding picture!

@pickleface it's really not "poor mum" she had no intention of walking me down the aisle until she heard MIL would get to do it with DP. It's very much about one upmanship. I know her well enough.

The bestman was caught in bed with the bride after a wild partying night of the wedding party and most of their friends.

My dm is very traditional and really wanted invitations to be rsvp’d to her. We sent out invites to approx 150, judging cost on about 100. A lot of dh’s family and friends are in Australia so obviously wouldn’t be coming but we felt we had to invite anyway. It turned out my dm has decided that no one wanted to come to our wedding and we’d be devastated that so many people didn’t want to see us marry. So, for every decline we got dm invited one of her mates. It was £150 a head and I only knew about half the people at my wedding in the end! My wedding photos are full of ‘Angela who dm used to work with’ and ‘Nigel from dm’s swimming club’.

It also meant dh was actually a bit upset on the day as he thought some of his friends had made the effort to come from Australia, only to find out it was actually it was just my mums pub quiz team.

I went to a wedding where the mother of the bride wore a calf length cream dress, very similar in style to the wedding dress.

No one else was outraged because they expected this of her.

To make matters worse, she'd told the bride she was wearing a different outfit prior to the wedding and the bride had coordinated her wedding colours to the mother's outfit.

Also my dm turned up to my wedding in the most enormous hat on the planet. Apparently the House of Fraser personal shopper had told her that if she wore a big hat it would make her look slimmer. She took that advice to heart and wore a hat so big you can’t who she is in any of the photos. She just looks like a hat with legs.

We went to a family wedding once, our DCs were all under 10 and there were lots of other kids in attendance. When it came to their first dance, they asked for all the guests to circle the dance floor, and for all the kids there to hold a fake flaming candle. They then proceeded to voraciously snog throughout the entire song . They are usually a very quiet and private couple. No one knew where to look - it was awful, my poor gran was most indignant about the whole thing. The videographers face was a picture, and all the kids he was trying to video instead of the snoggers were going "ew gross" in very loud voices..... I adore Bryan Adams and grew up listening to him, but that night, I wished him all sorts of evil for writing that very long song . It put me off weddings for life.

Best man was so drunk he fell over while doing his speech (which had been incoherent up until then anyway). Bride and groom had a screaming row about it at the top table. Groom stormed off in tears with the best man and disappeared for over an hour and a half. Mother of the bride wouldn't let the food be served until he came back so we were all starving and by the time we got it, it was cold and congealed. Groom later vomited red wine onto bride's dress. Father of the groom got absolutely wasted, pulled his trousers and underwear down (in front of children) and had to be carried out whilst urinating. All in all it was a disaster and I felt very sorry for the bride.

I had 2 bridesmaids who completely took over the dressing room to the extent that I couldn’t get ready myself and had to rush to be ready in time. One of them then asked me to take photos of her and make her tea.

A friend of mine got really drunk and processed to hit on my dh’s 60 yo friend. She then tripped over my dress and screamed at me.

My dh’s best man gave a cringe inducing speech, but at least he made the effort unlike my dad who an hour beforehand decided he wasn’t going to make one... luckily my dm stepped in and gave an awesome one!!

Just snorted with laughter at she just looks like a hat with legs.

Omg PeachGreen 😮😮

@cadburyegg....you poor thing!you'll have to renew your vows,very quietly,with no c.f. Bridesmaids!😀

I was a bridesmaid for a cousin when I was 17. My aunty's pervert husband kept making inappropriate comments about my cleavage and what he'd do if he was a younger man.

My father was told what was going on, he sneaked up behind him to hear for himself, tapped him on the shoulder and warned him that one more comment would earn him a hiding. The pervert did a drunken bluster and bravado attempt and stepped back to better face my dad which resulted in him doing a back flip over a 1 foot wall with a 6 foot drop the other side.

My father thinks this is far better than a smack in the chops and walks off satisfied it's dealt with*. He did have a hard time explaining the grass stains to his wfe though which was the most entertaining bit of the wedding for me.

*I don't know what happened post wedding but we never saw that particular pervert again although he stayed married to my aunty until her death

Friend got married at local registry office.

I was asked to be bride's chauffeur in my 25yo banger

Groom wore t-shirt that said 'JESUS IS A CUNT' on the back.

I then had to drive them to the pub in a town 17miles away but wasn't invited to the meal - even though those that were had to pay for themselves anyway!

Then to another pub where bride was offended when I decided only to stay for one drink.

Not sure why I agreed to chauffeur as after the not invited to meal thing - friendship was never the same afterwards because I was quite hurt by that and because the groom turned out to be a racist twat who I decided to forever avoid.

We uninvited my mil so she shit stirred to our honeymoon host and ruined our trip. She guilt tripped fil for going so he avoided us after that.
We are nc with both now. Our choice and she emailed anyone who would read it was our fault (well mine!)

The vicar spent a large proportion of the ceremony discussing the bride's and groom's personal failings in some detail: "...and you, Jennifer, are prone to spending money without thinking of the consequences, a habit you will have to rein in. You once spent nearly £100 on a pair of shoes which didn't fit! Of course, we all know James has an eye for the ladies and for his part he must learn to behave more modestly if he expects to keep you." On and on he went.

It wasn't remotely funny or endearing, just cringeworthy. The bride and groom looked like they were ready to cry.

Brother of the groom punched a relative of the brides with such force it broke the chair he was sitting on at the reception. He legged it and Police were called.
Me and Dh missed the actual punch, we just saw the brother run as we were hiding in the back bar.
This was due to the bride getting all men in kilts to dance to the full monty song and lift their kilts at the end to show their dicks to her. Dh declined but she kept trying to pull him onto the dance floor, I told her to piss off (quietly so only she could hear) so we hid while the performance was on.
Also at same wedding grooms cousin had a screaming fight with her boyfriend in the back bar so we saw it all. He was objecting to her smoking. She was objecting to his cocaine snorting !

Classy wedding.

This is a pre-wedding one. The BTB had been educated at a private, faith school and wanted to be married in her old school chapel with the wedding to be conducted by the resident priest who had known her during her school years. She and her HTB had to attend a few pre-wedding sessions with the priest to talk about the religious aspect of their marriage.

In one session the priest asked her that if they began to have marital problems, who would she turn to? BTB replied "my mum". Priest's response was "well, yes, but I was thinking of someone else you might turn to". At this point he raised his eyes heavenwards. BTB tentatively replied "my dad?" Priest's response was "um, yes, but can you think of anyone else?" By now his eyes are raised heavenwards and he's nodding vigorously towards the ceiling. BTB triumphantly replied "oh, I know, Angela Fortescue*!" Perplexed that she hadn't taken his hints, the priest said "who's Angela Fortescue?" BTB replied "you know, my best friend from school".

• not her real name, but I can still remember her real name even though this was about 30 years ago and I never knew her!

My mum rearranged our seating plan on the morning of our wedding-which we didn't realise until we sat down for the meal and instead of being able to see at the nearer tables the family we loved and the friends we wanted, we were faced with two tables of my mums friends, (including one of their husbands who was a pervert and whom
She was aware had made me very uncomfortable all my life), and most of whom we didn't know.
She had managed in doing so to additionally seat one of her friends who is a vile racist in very close proximity to a table full of my colleagues from work, most of whom were from Nigeria or the Carribean and who had shown up looking stunning in their national ceromonial dress. He could loudly be heard referring to them as 'bongo ladies' throughout the meal.
Apparently she wanted her friends to have a better view

One of them dealt with it so well however-after a while every time he said it she would turn around and pretend to have deliberately misheard and say 'no no, we aren't from the Congo-we are from Nigeria-it's a different place all together-It's amazing how many people don't seem to know simple things like that ' and rolling her eyes comedy fashion, which made him look a total twat.