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Original poster

To rehome my 4 year old tomcat?

48 replies

Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 09:37

I have 4 cats. The oldest one is a very big four year old tomcat. He's really affectionate with me, lies next to me on the bed and is so easy to look after. But he's a nightmare towards my other 3 cats, all of whom came from a friend who keeps allowing her cats to get pregnant. Mostly it's not been too bad, but recently it's got much worse and it's led to the cats spraying, which I know is seriously annoying my DH.

But the worst thing is that he bites my DDs when they try to stroke him and blocks their way down the stairs. I can easily get him to move but it's intimidating for them.

He hasn't actually caused any damage with his bites, though the last couple of times there have been bite marks though the skin wasn't pierced. But I think it could well be only a matter of time so I'm looking at rehoming him, which I'm really upset about.

He's been prone to bursts of aggressive behaviour since he was a kitten, he was abandoned by his mother and I've had him since he was 6 weeks old.

He's absolutely fine with me, as I said, and with my DM when she's looked after the cats, and at the cattery as well. If I didn't have the DDs, I would keep him and work with him for sure, but my DDs are scared of him. (He is enormous as well.)

This is more of a WWYD really?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 09:38

I should add that the other 3 cats are great friends and great with the DDs, it really is just this particular cat.

OP posts:
punchyKate · 25/03/2018 09:39

Have you had him neutered?

Are the others spade / neutered?

Fe2O3Girl · 25/03/2018 09:40

You are calling him a tomcat. You have had him neutered, I hope?

Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 09:40

Yes they're all spayed and neutered.

OP posts:
ShutUpBaz · 25/03/2018 09:42

Getting him neutered would be a minimum.

However your DDs shouldn't be scared in their own home because of a cat. You should rehome him.

I have four cats btw. All neutered/spayed. None of mine would attack my children and if they did, they'd be gone. Cat bites are filthy and dangerous.

ShutUpBaz · 25/03/2018 09:42

(Crosspost: he is not a tom if he is neutered)

BeautyAndTheBrat · 25/03/2018 09:42

Would your DM be in a position of taking him on?

Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 09:45

Ok, in that case he's a male cat then. I didn't realise! I wouldn't have an unneutered male.

No, my DM is away 3 months of the year.

OP posts:
chemenger · 25/03/2018 09:45

It sounds as though he might be happier as an only cat and the others might prefer if if he was not there. Try contacting your local Cat Protection branch, they may be able to arrange a home-to-home adoption for him. My branch does this and a youngish cat would normally be gone in a few weeks. They would advertise him and do the vetting of the adopter for you.
I fostered three cats from one home for a while. One of them was very dominant and when he was adopted the other two were transformed into much happier more playful cats.
Talk to your friend about neutering, CP run schemes where chipping and neutering costs as little as £5, there is no excuse.

BertrandRussell · 25/03/2018 09:46

Op- I would ask for the thread title to be edited- you will get a million people coming on to tell you to get him neutered. That’s what I did- but I read the thread first!

Els1e · 25/03/2018 09:48

I would let him go to rehoming centre to be honest. Your dds are scared and that is not good. He would probably be better and happier being the only pet in an adult home. Letting him go is not a reflection on you as a cat owner. It’s being the responsible adult in the home. Hope all goes well.

chemenger · 25/03/2018 09:49

Also when I was a child my mum had a huge mean cat who used to attack me, it was horrible and I was terrified of the cat at times. I remember being completely amazed when we visited a friend with nice cats and one jumped on my knee and curled up purring. 50 years later I’m a total cat slave.

Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 09:49

I'm already in touch with Cats Protection. At least I would know he would be going to a good home.

Yes, I'm seriously fed up with my friend now. She's away a lot for work. Her DH is unwell (early stage Alzheimer's) so I think she needs to rethink her lifestyle now. I don't get why they can't just make an appointment at the vet. Their cat is pregnant again, too!

OP posts:
chemenger · 25/03/2018 09:53

You my be lucky and find a rehoming organisation who will take him in but he may be low on the priority list, below abandoned cats, cats whose owners have died, pregnant cats put out on the street to fend for themselves, cats with kittens thrown out to find for themselves, orphaned kittens etc...

ConciseandNice · 25/03/2018 09:53

As previously mentioned, he's not a tomcat. It's unusual for neutered cats to spray, he must be quite stressed to be doing this. My male cat (also huge and psychologically damaged rescue cat) attacks me sometimes, and he really does. He's brutal and has left scars. He doesn't attack anyone else. Cats that aren't 'domesticated' properly in the first 10 weeks will do this.
Most importantly your kids need to feel safe and that's your job. You need to ethically rehome this antsy male - for his sake as well as your kids and your friend needs to stop her cat getting pregnant. Its not right.

chemenger · 25/03/2018 09:57

OP you probably know all the stuff from my last post, but so often I see people blithely say “just give it up for rehoming”, it’s not quite that simple. We get so many angry people demanding that we come and pick cats up “right now” not understanding that we have absolutely nowhere to put them. When I rehome a foster the next one comes in immediately, from the top of a waiting list.

Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 10:06

Yes, Cats Protection have said they can't take him right now, but they will advertise him on their website. I have to send them photos, which I'm going to do. I could just call a rescue centre who will take him straightaway, the lady said, but I will never know whether he's ok, which I'd find hard.

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 25/03/2018 10:15

Unfortunately it’s not always a good idea to bring other cats into a household where a cat already lives, as they are territorial animals. You say that you had to take in other cats as your friend keeps letting her cat get pregnant. But surely you didn’t need to take these (very cute) kittens? Shelters would have taken them and they would have been snapped up straight away

Poor boy, no wonder he’s feeling stressed and acting up!

Try some feliway diffuser plug ins as a first step and make sure he has a private place he can go hide if things get too much for him. If he doesn’t calm down I’d recommend taking him to the cats protection shelter as they will make sure they find the right home for him. And stop taking in new cats!

Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 10:27

He's been like that since he was a kitten, long before the other cats came here. As I said, I would do all that if I didn't have the DDs to think about. But they do have to be my priority. The other 3 cats are a very good unit and very friendly to each other.

OP posts:
georgedawes · 25/03/2018 10:29

As above I'd try feliway in the interim.

charlestonchaplin · 25/03/2018 10:30

If you want to help out your irresponsible friend, why not agree to take in her kittens only if she agrees to spay/neuter its mother. Sorry, not sure of the correct terminology! You'll just end up with more clashing cats if you continue to enable your friend.

Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 10:31

I will try that, it might reduce the spraying as well. Thank you for the suggestion. I want to wait for Cats Protection to find the right owner for him.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lizzie48 · 25/03/2018 10:34

You're right there, I might just do that. As I said, I think she needs to rethink a lot of things in view of her DH's illness. She was away when the cat got pregnant again. Probably in the past her DH would have done it.

It's not been a problem with the younger cats, they're used to sharing with other cats and lie on the bed together.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 25/03/2018 10:35

CP run schemes where chipping and neutering costs as little as £5, there is no excuse.

In my area of Surrey, Cats protection don’t charge you anything. You contact CP, get their agreement to foot the bill then book the cat in with the vet and they liaise with CP for the payment.

OP, once you’ve sorted out your own cat could you offer to take your friend’s cat to the vet? Sounds like she could do with the help.

JamPasty · 25/03/2018 10:42

Have they got enough little trays and places to be away from each other (the cats that is). If your DDs avoid going near him, does he then avoid them - might be a good plan in the interim. Does anyone play rough games with him where he's encouraged to play fight (stop that if so).

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