To rehome my 4 year old tomcat?

[Lizzie48]

I have 4 cats. The oldest one is a very big four year old tomcat. He's really affectionate with me, lies next to me on the bed and is so easy to look after. But he's a nightmare towards my other 3 cats, all of whom came from a friend who keeps allowing her cats to get pregnant. Mostly it's not been too bad, but recently it's got much worse and it's led to the cats spraying, which I know is seriously annoying my DH.

But the worst thing is that he bites my DDs when they try to stroke him and blocks their way down the stairs. I can easily get him to move but it's intimidating for them.

He hasn't actually caused any damage with his bites, though the last couple of times there have been bite marks though the skin wasn't pierced. But I think it could well be only a matter of time so I'm looking at rehoming him, which I'm really upset about.

He's been prone to bursts of aggressive behaviour since he was a kitten, he was abandoned by his mother and I've had him since he was 6 weeks old.

He's absolutely fine with me, as I said, and with my DM when she's looked after the cats, and at the cattery as well. If I didn't have the DDs, I would keep him and work with him for sure, but my DDs are scared of him. (He is enormous as well.)

This is more of a WWYD really?

Yes, that's a great suggestion, and I will offer. Or I'll suggest it to her DIL, who is close to her and is a cat lover too. She also has a son with drug and MH issues so getting her cat neutered has been too far down her list. It was an accident this time that very likely happened because she wasn't there and her DH didn't realise the cat had sneaked outside. She hardly goes out generally.

Definitely get a few Feliway plug ins and put them around the house. Also Canin do a ‘calm’ food that helps anxious cats, it was recommended to us by our vet as one of our cats has anxiety attacks () Its really helped, as has the Feliway. Also as a PP said, help them have their own spaces. Could oldest cat come in your bedroom but not the other cats so he has a safe space?

Thank you for these suggestions. They have plenty of spaces, and he has a safe space already in our extension, but thinking about it that's now my DH's study so that's been changed recently. He likes our windowsill, which is very wide. He gets stressed when the other cats come in. They seem to rub along together elsewhere in the house.

The DDs don't really approach him. DD2 was a toddler when he first came, so they were both a bit excitable around him then.

We have litter trays but they all prefer to go outside, though they wee in the trays occasionally.

He used to go outside a lot, but he prefers to hide upstairs now. There's a tomcat who comes into our garden a lot as well, that's a change that has recently happened. My oldest used to guard his territory very well, but he's become more timid recently now I think about it. The smallest cat (a female) has now become the feistiest.

Thank you for your advice, everyone. I will look into making the necessary changes. I can understand that he's stressed rather than aggressive.

Have you tried that feliway spray? My boy is very affectionate but bullies my two girl cats. I would try the spray to calm him down. I’m getting some myself, apparently it’s good at stopping the cats fighting. Even my. At breeder reccomend I get something that will calm him.

I'll buy some Felliway spray tomorrow and see how that works. He's a lovely, affectionate cat when it's just him and me, so I will miss him. But I can't have my DDs scared in their own home.

There was another incident this morning sadly. We also had DD1's friend here for a sleepover and we regularly have other kids at our house to play. I fear that whatever I do to minimise things, the biting habit will prove to be too ingrained.

I would hate to have to explain to a friend's parents how their DD got bitten/scratched by the cat.

Does the cat have his own private space where he can go without other cats / children, bothering him, until you can get him another suitable home?

You could try a Feliway diffiuser. But YWBVU to get that amount of cats if you weren’t prepared to deal with this sort of problem. You could also get a cat flap and put it on one way to encourage him to be out in the day time. Also possibly limit to one room by shutting doors to minimise spraying problems.

He loves the very wide windowsill in our bedroom, I'll try to keep the other cats off it. And the DDs aren't allowed up there either. So that will be a good place for him to have to himself. He lost his previous place in the extension when it became my DH's study.

Meanwhile, I've bought some Felliway spray and have now administered it. We'll see if it makes a difference.

He loves the very wide windowsill in our bedroom, I'll try to keep the other cats off
it

Try and keep the other cats out of the room, full stop. He needs a safe place.

Was it a plug in diffuser you bought? The spray is cheaper but not really much use apart from in confined areas like travel boxes.

The plug in will take a few days to take effect. I know they’re not cheap but invest in a few if you can for different areas in the house.

PS - just re read your post, apologies. The spray won’t be much use in this situation, you need the plug in which diffuses a constant dose of the calming phenemone (?)

Oh and there’s a spray called ‘Urine Off’ which works amazingly well at getting rid of the smell when he has sprayed.

Thank you, I'll go back to Pets at Home tomorrow and get both those things.

If you haven’t been to P@H yet you can get the diffusers a lot cheaper online. I bought some here

www.petdrugsonline.co.uk/cats/stress-behaviour-and-travel/stress-and-anxiety-relief/feliway-classic-diffuser-pack?v=1749-1837&gclid=Cj0KCQjw-uzVBRDkARIsALkZAdkY4DBb4JYMf0BvdnZbVV4U8dsm6IxFjOra0I40bFQQywijSCPx_FgaAoFNEALw_wcB

Thank you for all the advice. I just wanted to tell you that the Felliway diffuser has made a really big difference to our household. The 4 year old male no longer blocks the stairs and hasn't lashed out in a long time. He's made the front room in our extension into his own quiet area, which is really good as the DDs don't go in there and neither do the other cats.

So the upshot is that I've decided to keep him after all. Because actually the DDs love all the cats and miss them when we're away.

So once again, thank you, everyone.

HI OP you are right to wait for CP even if they do a Home to Home advertisement for him it will not take more than 2 - 4 weeks before he is rehomed and you will also get to meet potential adopters.

If I was you I would ask that he goes to a mature home where he will get 1 - 1 attention.

Also you might try Zylkene which you can order off Amazon, it really calms a cat with behaviour problems. There is an alternative CBD oil which is legal, I use a CBD oil - CBD Light for my cats. They have a facebook website called Simply CBD a lot of cat owners or dog owners whose pets suffer from anxiety etc use the CBD light and it has helped them drastically. The CBD light is not too expensive it is £10 for a bottle of 30ml but it does take about 2 weeks to work in the system.

So Zylkene might be your best bet for now, it really is an excellent product when I was with CP we used it with anxious or angry cats. There is also the Feliway plug in or spray but have you taken him to a vet to see if there might not be another underlying problem?

Good luck but personally I would stick with CP to help you find him a home if you are still adamant to rehome him. But do consider giving Zylkene a go.

Read my update, @Beaverhausen I'm not rehoming him. Things have changed completely for the better with the Felliway diffuser.

Glad its making a difference!
Also try kalmaid, it goes in his food.
We did it with one for ours.
I’d tell your friend you aren't taking any more cats.

Fantastic news op! You should write to feliway to tell them, it might encourage others to try it. I always recommend people try it but have no idea if it would actually work.

Has your neighbour’s cat been spayed yet?

I have no plans to have any more kittens, I doubt my DH would let me anyway. Unfortunately there are now 2 litters of kittens needing homes, because their son's cat has also had kittens.

They're not my neighbours, they're close friends. Hopefully this time they will get both cats spayed, because it is ridiculous, I agree.

Oh really glad to hear that OP. :)

Glad things worked out!