To not want to bf and bedshare

[cadburyegg]

Am bf for the second time round and I’ve noticed there is a lot of encouragement to bf to natural term and bedshare from day 1, and spend at least 2 years trying to sleep with a baby attached to your nipple.

Tbh I’m planning to feed for 12-18 months like last time and then stop. And baby will be in his own cot. AIBU?

You are not even a first time mum and you are asking this? Yes, some people do this. And some people don’t.

I have never had the impression that bed sharing with small babies has been actively encouraged. I think there an education push to highlight that in certain conditions, such as when parent/s have been drinking or are heavy sleepers it’s discouraged as due to the sad risk of suffocation. I
I hope your pregnancy goes well.

Awwww congratulation! Do as you want. Dd is almost 10. At the time, co sleeping was a no no. Although I did it in the beginning. I loved the skin to skin having dd snuggled in my night dress and dh loved having her on his chest.

I’m with pp - why are asking this? Of course you can do it your way - you do know this don’t you? Why would BF for 12-18 months with baby in their own cot not be reasonable. Have confidence in your own decisions.
For the record I’m planning to BF for 12 months and I don’t co-sleep - my choices, I’m happy and to be fair no one else is in the least bit interested!

@LolitaLempicka I’m hoping she’s not a first time Mum considering the first line reads “Am bf for the second time round”
Who was she feeding before? the neighbour’s cat? 😱

@cadburyegg do whatever makes your life easier and your baby happy. Breastfeed for a day, formula feed, breastfeed them until their 7. It really doesn’t matter as long as you and your baby are happy

NHS don't encourage this do they? Where is your info coming from OP? If it's your social circle/ante-natal group then maybe consider removing yourself from them, as you are clearly feeling pressured by them to do something you don't want to do.

I have noticed a definite push towards co sleeping in recent years. DC1 was born in 1990 and the midwives asked if I had a preference between Cow and Gate and SMA. When DC6 was born in 2011 I was subjected to interrogation about why I wasnt bf (radical breast surgery) and was told I should still consider cosleeping even though I was BF to "make up for it".

Of course YANBU
Although I have to say, I finally decided to bring my bf 5 month old in to bed with me the last three nights and it is the most rested, happy and relaxed I have felt in a long time so I will be carrying on. Each to their own

I know people in that circle too. The solution to every problem is co sleeping. Or if the problem is exhaustion from cosleeping and feeding literally all night the solution is "just remember it's for such a short time in their lives".

No thanks!!

I plan to BF until around 1, I'm at almost 8 months now. I've coslept a bit when circumstances meant it was the only way to get sleep.

I'm a firm believer in the middle ground. I don't like aggressive sleep training but nor do I believe that you have to be in physical constant with your baby 24/7 to ensure they aren't damaged somehow by a tiny sliver of independence!

Where are you getting this pressure from? Everyone I know weaned at 12 months or before and thought I was relatively unusual for continuing until 15 months. Maybe it depends on your circle as around here it's very fashionable to have a strict routine early, sleep train and most definitely not bed share. Do whatever works for you.

What a silly thread. Do what you want.

You know you’re not being unreasonable but you are bring sneery about people who chose to bed share and breastfeed so you’re not being very nice either.
Pointless and mean, why bother?

I have noticed on mumsnet and in RL that breastfeed and co-sleep go together as advice more often. With a sort of implication that it'll be much harder to breastfeed if you don't cosleep.

DS slept fine in his snuzpod and i'd put the side up so not different from a crib really. He hated the cot though so we co-slept then
He now likes to sleep in his toddler bed with a squahed mummy next to him.

Bf both of mine to around 1 year, coslept to get some sleep/for convenience only. Didn’t cosleep when newborns apart from first few days when they wouldn’t go in crib!

I don’t cosleeping is encouraged at all by health professionals but there is a greater understanding that is happening a lot so they are giving out more information about how to do it safely.

I also don’t really understand why you need to ask this?

Some people bed share when they bf and others don’t.

I don’t bed share, as my babies haven’t needed to, (they both were / are happy in their own beds). Anyway, both of mine have had bottles as well as bfs.

I don’t have any burning desire to do it for myself and there is a slightly elevated risk of SIDS, (I think), so I haven’t even considered it. If my babies slept better when bed sharing and I was EBF then I would probably consider it.

Co-sleeping is certainly encouraged on MN and is thought to be the answer to every problem.
Personally I can't see how it promotes anything approaching good sleep habits for either the adult or the baby and I think a lot for the problems on the sleep board stem from co-sleeping.
How can it be sensible to allow a baby - and some toddlers if the sleep board is to he believed - spend the entire night feeding if they want to?
I agree with a pp who said baby will not suffer for life because it is not attached to mum 24/7.
There is a post running now from someone wondering why her 10.5 month old baby was not sleeping. Maybe it had something to do with Tring to get him to sleep on the sofa all evening while the parents watched TV then putting him down in their bed when they went to bed. Everyone someone moved a three would wake up, it's obvious.
I do sometimes wonder where common sense is when it comes to babies!

Sometimes babies won't sleep unless being held, they've been inside you for 9m and want to be close to you, maybe you're an advocate of letting a newborn cry themselves to sleep but many people are not.

Any many people do not want to surrender themselves to their baby's whims either, partyflave.
The op has an older child. A lot of the advice on MN will not work when their s another child in the picture. How do you attend to a toddler when you have a baby attached to you all the time?
Another consideration is how will the older child feel about it? I think it is glossed over on MN how jealous a child who is used to being an only one must feel to see the new baby getting all the attention.
I know some posters will breezily say they bed shared with all of their children together, but that's a whole new level of madness.

See how you go. It works for some people but not for others.

Any many people do not want to surrender themselves to their baby's whims either, partyflave.

Love that you refer to a baby wanting to be close to it's a Mum as a "whim" cathf

I'm not a massive advocate of co sleeping, sometimes I've done it when it's been the only way to get some sleep though, and no one has told he OP she MUST co sleep, people should just do what works for them. Also, this co sleeping thing isn't a "trend", many cultures have been doing this forever.

Can babies have whims? I find this attitude quite odd tbh

A bit goady for a Sunday morning

I don’t get this ‘OMG THERES SO MUCH PRESSURE!!’ There really isn’t when you can do wtf you like anyway.