To not want to bf and bedshare

[cadburyegg]

Am bf for the second time round and I’ve noticed there is a lot of encouragement to bf to natural term and bedshare from day 1, and spend at least 2 years trying to sleep with a baby attached to your nipple.

Tbh I’m planning to feed for 12-18 months like last time and then stop. And baby will be in his own cot. AIBU?

Do what you want!

Here endeth the lesson

Laughing at babies having whims too!!

Erm no. Just don't do it!

Daft question (first timer) is co sleeping physically in the same bed, or one of these cribs attached to the bed with the side down?

You do as you wish! I didn't plan a particular end date to breastfeeding my first child, assumed it would be 6-12months but never researched at the time. In the end there was no reason to stop and my child had other ideas anyway so she stopped at 5yrs old. I chose to co-sleep with my 2 subsequent children and I love it. It's lovely to cuddle up to my son in the evening especially as I work full-time. He still goes to his own bed initially in the evening and my second daughter transitioned no problem to her bed at 2yrs old. Worked for us !! :) to be honest I'm glad I was set in that way as my boy had some epileptic fits ard 9months old and after that I would have absolutely not allowed him out of my sight so would have co-slept then. Since we were already doing it it was easy!

I always think the whim/manipulative/diva baby language problem arises when mothers have Gina Forded from the off and so haven't properly bonded.
There probably is a bit of snobbery around co sleeping and extended breastfeeding in certain circles especially NCT. But there is a middle ground between earth mother and super nanny that a lot of us occupy.
I expect you'll feel differently when the baby arrives and you're flooded with oxytocin and prolactin.

Cathf - common sense?? Common sense is following your baby's lead and realising that bf cosleeping and baby wearing is in all likelihood the 'historical/biological norm' and prevalent still in many cultures around the world. This does not make the alternatives developed in the 'modern' world inappropriate, to each their own and it's great to have options but to say that co-sleeping is lacking common sense shows a bit of a narrow minded attitude really.

That's your definition of common sense oblada.
Mine is having the wit to realise that putting a baby to sleep on a sofa in a room with the TV on is not conducive to good sleep. I was referring to a post on the sleep board.
Still, you are obviously convinced you are right, so crack on 😀

What oblada said

Besides, babies aren't capable of being manipulative before they're about 12 months old anyway... They lack the emotional development before that age to even comprehend what that is! So a babies' needs and wants are the same thing when they are that young.

Also agree with parenting being a spectrum and most of us fall somewhere on it.

So, are we all agreed (except me, obviously) that good sleep habits are not important and it is not desirable to have a child that sleeps well?

Nope. Nobody is saying that.

I'm saying sleep is developmental and that they will get it when they are ready and until then, it's fine to do what works for you and your family. I have felt much happier sharing a bed with my 5 month old than trying to force him to go to sleep by himself when it was clearly distressing him.

Cathf - it's not about being right or wrong but accepting that bedsharing is actually the biological and historical norm and prevalent in a lot of countries/cultures. This does not mean everyone has to do it but it does mean that on its own this very common practice is not going to damage a child or breed "poor sleeping habits" whatever that means. Sleep is developmental and a baby doesn't develop 'bad habits'. They just express needs.
As to the sofa thing not sure what you are referring to but I can say that for the first few months I kept my son with me in the evening downstairs, him feeding and sleeping and me watching tv. Now he starts the night in his bed and comes with me when he wakes up for a feed or when I go to bed myself.

My Midwife actively encouraged me to co-sleep - even set my bed up to do so.

Do what feels right for you and your child OP. It's your choice and I am sure you will have the grace to accept that there is more than one way of raising children and that someone doing something different to you is not wrong.

Sadly Cathf is missing that grace.

Up to you! I'm not sure the "evidence" that cosleeping helps bf is all that anyway- but if your baby is one of those that will NOT sleep anywhere but near mum/dad, then planning saf(er) bed sharing is better than falling asleep on sofa due to exhaustion - which is v risky and not recommended. I would very much hope that any HCP suggesting cosleeping were doing it in that sense, ie as a way of avoiding the risk with unplanned cosleeping in an unsafe environment. Enjoy your baby!!