Leaving 10 year olds home alone (briefly) during a sleepover

[couchparsnip]

DD went on a sleepover last night, there were four 10 year olds plus an older sibling (I think age 12) and her friend. i have known this mum for a while and trusted her but apparently she popped out 3 times during the evening, for 10 minutes or so each time, leaving the 6 children alone in the house. I wouldn't object to leaving my own DD for a few minutes but AIBU to think it's off that she assumed it would be ok to leave these kids on their own, even for a short while. Obviously nothing bad happened (that I know of). I don't think I'll be letting DD stay there again but should I tell the other parents? Should I say something to the mum or am I overreacting?

Well she can't have gone far in ten minutes.

My 9 year old would be fine with that, especially if the parent was only next door or checking on a vulnerable neighbour.

If you're about to announce that the parent was doing hourly runs to the local drug dealer or something, that's different.

Well my 10yo is at the stage where he and his friends are going up to the park to play football together. They're not supervised doing that, nor walking to and from. So being on their own for 10 minutes during the evening inside wouldn't worry me too much.

I assume your dd told you, so why would you tell the other parents as their dc can tell them just as easily.

I wouldn't have a problem with this with my own 10yr old, although mine is quite mature for her age. However I wouldn't host a sleepover and leave them. I think it's a tricky one Op.

I’d have let the parents know I might have to pop out but 10mins isn’t long.

On whose word is this? Was she just popping out of the back door for a smoke perhaps?

I suppose it depends where she went and how long she actually was. I don't think I would have too much issue if she had popped to the corner shop for something, or round to a neighbour. She couldn't have really gone far if she was only gone for ten minutes each time.

Did she tell the DC where is was going and that she wouldn't be long etc?

Bloody hell op, I'm longer than that if I pop to my garage. Think you might need to unclench

Going out 3 times for 10 minutes is odd - was she putting the bins out/having a smoke/in the garage?

Otherwise I would wonder why it happened - three times when you’re hosting a mass sleepover is not good at all. Once would be bad - I’d not be happy. It’s not like leaving your own children home on their own.

The first time she went to pick up the older sibling's friend and was gone a little longer, (Sorry to drip feed but DD has just told me that)

For 10 minutes she could've been longer than that if shed had a shower! There's enough of them there that if there was an emergency for some unlikely reason I'm sure one of them would've known how to phone for help.

I wouldn’t have been happy with this.

It's DD who said 10 minutes, I don't know how reliable that is. I assume the mum just went to the shop as it's about 5 minutes away. She can be a bit forgetful so perhaps kept remembering things she needed to get.

I think it’s fine. The girls Will be at secondary school next year

It also depends on how sensible the kids are but I can’t see the issue

My eldest (now 11) plays out unsupervised with a whole bunch of friends. I'm more than happy to pop out when they're inside the house. Does being inside mean they need to have an adult nearby but outside doesn't?

Cannae weirdly yes. Safeguarding training recently was clear that walking home or playing out was less of a concern than staying in alone.

I'd be really cross actually. How did she risk assess several excited ten year olds as safe to be alone?

I don’t think you’re overreacting. I probably wouldn’t say anything (this thread will show loads of posts saying their 10 year olds perfectly fine home alone, playing outside etc but I don’t think its fine although others do). I wouldn’t let her sleepover again until she’s older.

I would be longer than 10 minutes having a shower. Obviously they would be unsupervised during that time. I don't see the issue. They're 10-12, surely old enough to not burn the house down/cause mass destruction.

I am the world's most laid-back parent and owuld leave my own kids home alone in such circumstances. But parents have wildly differing expectations, and I would never assume it was okay to leave someone else's kids unsupervised unless I had checked with the parents first!

Plus kids can get overexcited and do silly things on sleepovers.

I don't see a problem with this at all.

I'd be really cross actually. How did she risk assess several excited ten year olds as safe to be alone?

But they were safe alone. Nothing happened.

I was perfectly happy leaving my own DD in our house at that age, but I wouldn't have done it if other children were there. I wouldn't have expected other parents to do that either. 4 10yos can be incredibly silly, even if very sensible individually.

Also it's very different having a shower to actually leaving the house (presumably in a car if collecting another girl) where you could be in an accident, or delayed.

Depends on the DC. I could leave just-11 yo DD happily but no way would I leave 14 yo DS and friends.

A couple of 10-minute pop-outs are OK. Wouldn't bother me TBH.

I hope the mum was in the room with them 'supervising' the rest of the time including overnight? Because you never know WHAT a group of DCs will get up to unless they are watched by a within-arm's-length adult every single second from birth until they are 18, when they suddenly become responsible adults.

Come on! 10 mins! Three times! She popped out! Did no-one have a mobile phone and the nous to call 999 if there was an emergency?
OP, seriously, this is how DCs grow up into adults, by being learning how to cope! Have they never been left alone for any time at all?