Leaving 10 year olds home alone (briefly) during a sleepover

[couchparsnip]

DD went on a sleepover last night, there were four 10 year olds plus an older sibling (I think age 12) and her friend. i have known this mum for a while and trusted her but apparently she popped out 3 times during the evening, for 10 minutes or so each time, leaving the 6 children alone in the house. I wouldn't object to leaving my own DD for a few minutes but AIBU to think it's off that she assumed it would be ok to leave these kids on their own, even for a short while. Obviously nothing bad happened (that I know of). I don't think I'll be letting DD stay there again but should I tell the other parents? Should I say something to the mum or am I overreacting?

I understand how you feel but maybe she had popped outside for a fag or something. I have left mine on his own before but wouldn't with his friends, maybe just ask her before you speak to other parents

So it's ok for you to leave your daughter alone for a few minutes but not for this woman to leave her with 6 other kids including two elder ones? Blimey I used to babysit at 12 years of age.Maybe the woman was just popping outside for a cig and/or a breather or something.By all means let your daughter miss out on the fun in future,but don't tell tales on the woman,that's just petty.

I think you are completely overreacting. Unless of course they were in a house in the middle of nowhere with no phone, a burning logfire, cooking their own tea.

I assume if an emergency occurred they are intelligent enough to run to a neighbour or use a phone? It was 10 minutes!

I think some people just don't give kids enough credit. They will be in secondary school in a year. They aren't idiots. May be a bit hyper but I'm sure the mother judged they weren't about to start frying chips or create a bonfire in the bedroom.

I wouldn't have been happy about it. That's because my DD would be in an unfamiliar environment and might be anxious if she hadn't been on her own before. (DD1 will be 9 next week and she's never yet been left on her own, and I can't really see that changing before high school.)

I'd be more upset that the mum didn't warn me that she would be doing that actually.

I would be fine with this.

My daughter used to have 3 friends over every week between school and a club, and I fed them every week. One of the mums wasn't comfortable with me leaving them while I drove 5 minutes to pick up my son, so I had to pile them all into the car for the trip each week. It was a bit of a pain, and I always thought that the risk of driving them 5 miles was higher than the risk of them coming to harm in the house, sitting eating dinner for 10 minutes.

Oh FGS It's fine

Ok so a few agree and most think IABU. Fair enough. I won't call the other parents. I still think she should have checked if we were all comfortable with this.

I agree with you OP.
Don't get me wrong, I would have gone and left my own 10 year old for short times like that, but when you are responsible for other people's dc, your "standards" have to be higher.
It's the same argument as letting them watch a film, or play a video game where the guidance is older than their age - no problem with a parent making that judgement for their own dc, but you don't put it on when you are responsible for other people's dc.

They were fine but that doesn't mean it was safe. That's really weird logic.

I wouldn’t mind.

It’s really ridiculous how over protective and babying we have become.

I, as the parent host, wouldn’t do it because of the fact that so many parents would react like you & many other posters on here.

At 10 they should be able to cope with small accidents, and call an ambulance, fire engine, neighbour etc for big accidents. The same as an adult would do. If your child can’t do these things then you need to teach them. If they can, what’s the issue? No one is going to come along and mass kidnap half a dozen kids.

It’s honestly no wonder that so many of our uni students aren’t coping. They have no independence growing up then their on their own. Yes, I know there are several years between 10/12 & 18, but you need to build on it.

They were fine but that doesn't mean it was safe. That's really weird logic

No it's not weird logic. They were absolutely fine AND safe. These kids are 10 and 12, not 6/7.

I think she should have probably checked that parents were happy, I've got a nearly 10 year old and I can think of at least one parent who would have gone mad if her DS was left - even with an older sibling around.

It wouldn't bother me though.

This person even hoiks up her judgey pants that I leave DS2 with his 15 year old brother

No it's not weird logic. They were absolutely fine AND safe. These kids are 10 and 12, not 6/7.

Thank you. At 12 I was collecting my 8 year old brother from school and making his dinner while my parents worked. Amazingly, we both lived.

I wouldn't worry about their safety, as I would trust the mum's judgement on that. I would just wish she'd told me in advance it was going to happen, as I could imagine my DD getting anxious. But it wouldn't bother me from a safety POV.

It's weird logic to say that because nothing happened it was safe. I could run across the road without looking and be fine - doesn't mean it's safe.

In the home is less safe than outside the home according to recent safeguarding training I attended. I can see lots of reasons why tbh.