Bride 'Punching above her weight'

[BelfortGabbz]

I'm wondering if anyone has been to a wedding and heard this said in a speech or by the photographer etc.

Usual double MN standards at play here

It's not MN double standards, it's people pointing out society's double standards. It's a fact that most women would be far more upset by it than most men. That doesn't mean that that's OK. It's an indication of the deep sexism and double standards in society and the expectations put on women.

Even if you think it, you wouldn't say it out loud! You d

*you don't say that sort of thing to people, love and attraction are illogical. Who knows what works and why?

Logically I suppose the man just be (even if only slightly) better looking (even if only on an age adjusted basis) than the woman in more or less exactly half of all weddings.

But the fact is that, for better or worse (mostly the latter) our society has built up this vast all-encompassing web of BS around female beauty (especially on wedding days), with no equivalent whatsoever for men. A gag like this would therefore go strongly against social norms, and as such be very mean.

Aren't sexual market value (SMV) and married market value (MMV) a real concept? Historically, women's looks and fertility are assessed, as are men's status and wealth.

I would say that that has actually improved over time, as more women have careers etc. When we are looking for a partner mate we look at what we bring to the table and try and get the best match we can.

That being said, most couples I know are matching looks wise. And, as my gran would say; "Every pot has a lid".

It's interesting how this seems to be accepted if it's said of a man, but not of a woman. I think it's horrible either way round

When it’s said about men its intended to me ‘well done you she’s lovely’ when it’s said about women it’s intended to mean ‘ Christ she’s ugly, why would you?’

That’s why

I get it's often said in jest during the best man speech but it just went on and on.
The grooms not a bad looking man, they are well suited.

Perhaps I'm being too sensitive, I don't know, I think I'd have been a bit hurt if I were him (after the upteenth comment)

Needs In that case the same could be said to the Bride with no offence taken on her part?

Someone on here once said her and her DH went to say hello to Jimmy Carr after a show and he looked at her and said to her DH 'punching above your weight'

I think it's appallingly rude either way but I don't really like that sort of teasing full stop. Especially not on someone's special day.

In the mostly unpredictable film "I give it a year", there is a similarly 'funny' or at least cringe-worthy best man's speech delivered by Stephen Merchant ... "definitely an 8 out of 10 ... could be a model if it wasn't for her nose", etc.

A man being told he’s punching above his weight isn’t an insult, but a compliment, and taken by men as such!

It’s interesting that it’s not the same the other way round...

The only way it wouldn't be offensive to the bride is if she were outrageously beautiful and it's an obvious joke because it'd be ridiculous to think otherwise.

It's rude but on the other hand I think good for her. We see so many couples made up of beautiful woman + plug ugly bloke, but rarely the other way round. And I'm not talking ugly millionaire man plus glamorous trophy wife, just bog standard blokes.

It bothers me if someone makes a joking comment about my husband's appearance so if I'd been that bride I'd likely have told people to STFU after awhile.

It's a horrid comment to make about anyone, tbh. Beauty is only skin deep; character and personality run far deeper. Why is everyone so superificial these days

I think this might be an English thing. I live in France and have never heard that kind of “banter” here.

Why is everyone so superificial these days

Were people always so deep and sensitive in th past?! Of course not... it’s nothing new!

Male attractiveness and female attractiveness is valued differently by society.

If said to a man it's basically a compliment, congratulating him on 'winning' a beautiful wife.
Said to a woman it would only be an insult as women's value is more closely tied to their physical appearance.

If said to a man it's basically a compliment, congratulating him on 'winning' a beautiful wife. Said to a woman it would only be an insult as women's value is more closely tied to their physical appearance.

Exactly... as i said above, this would be a compliment to a man!

WTF - no, sort of possible as a joke but ONLY if both were at least averagely good-looking, iyswim.

No way would it be said even as a joke if the person being discussed was, err, on the 'homely' side.

"When it’s said about men its intended to me ‘well done you she’s lovely’ when it’s said about women it’s intended to mean ‘ Christ she’s ugly, why would you?"

This.

And what others have said.

When said to a man - it's a compliment - wow how have you managed to pull such a hot woman?

When said to a woman it would mean you're fucking ugly.

This is about sex roles and societal expectations / what people are valued for etc.

Women are still primarily valued for their looks so to describe them as ugly means they have very little value.

Men are not primarily valued for their looks so to describe them as ugly is less damaging + when it's said to a man it doesn't mean she is normal so you are ugly, it means you are normal and she is gorgeous. Again, because I think because women are supposed to look "beyond" looks in men while men are supposed to focus on looks in women, the starting assumption is that the woman will be probably a bit better looking than the man as a "starting point".

LoveInTokyo I was about to make the same comment, have always heard it in English but not in Spain

That’s not an appropriate time for things like that! I’d say it was a poorly written speech by someone wasn’t very socially aware.

Men saying to men jokingly "you're punching above your weight" is a normal and standard thing to say round here and it's taken as a compliment "she's gorgeous well done".