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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Selfish man!

48 replies

sleepygrump · 24/03/2018 01:54

Regular poster but nc because could be outing.

I probably am being UR but I feel so cross. Yesterday me and my DH travelled four hours away from home to attend a wedding today of one of his friends. I didn't want to come, because I'm six months pregnant, tired and didn't particularly want to leave our toddler son for two nights but I relented because DH went on and on about how much it'd mean to him for me to come.

I am so regretting it! The venue hotel where we're staying is awful, but it's only for one night I can live with it. The b&g are into an obscure, very rowdy type of music which took over from the traditional at 11pm which is when I excused myself to bed as the dance floor was getting pretty chaotic. DH promised me he'd take it easy on the booze (he's been drinking pints since 2pm) and stop drinking when I left and that he'd come up to bed once the music had finished because we need to leave to get home at 11am in the morning to relieve our babysitter who needs to leave by 3pm. It's his mum, so it's not like she will leave or anything but she will - understandably - be really pissed off if we're late.

Well, I've managed precisely an hour of sleep so far because it's so noisy, the music stopped an hour and twenty minutes ago and DH hasn't come to bed. He just called me, absolutely bloody shitfaced and said he was finishing his drinks and would be up in a bit.

No way is he going to be fit to drive at 11am! I can't drive myself because I'm recovering from a really badly sprained ankle (been told not to drive for another fortnight). I don't have the bend or strength back enough to be safe to do an emergency stop.

Selfish pig. Am now trying not to be fuming so that I can go back to sleep for at least a few hours! God only knows when we're going to get home.

OP posts:
adayatthebeach · 24/03/2018 02:17

I’m sorry sleepygrump I bet you wish you’d not left without dragging him with you! I don’t have experience with drinking but it seems to me his thoughts aren’t going where they need to be going. Kinda what happens isn’t it ? Men and drinking?

kentgirl1 · 24/03/2018 02:40

Mine does this. I left a wedding reception early to take our 4 month old son home. He said he won't be long. Rolls in at 2am, pissed, stinking of drink and kebab. Told him to sleep in the spare room as the fumes were making me feel sick, let alone with our son in the room!!!!
Men generally don't tend to think of the long run, he wouldn't rationalise that he better stop drinking as he has to drive home (although if he'd been drinking since 2pm he probably would have been over the limit anyway if he left when you did). He probably got swept up with his mates, and don't think about anything else. I would totally be annoyed too, but I've also learnt that most men and just fall children and can't think for themselves. If you're late, I'd be sure to let mil know who's fault it is!!!

sleepygrump · 24/03/2018 02:46

He's still not bloody back. I can't sleep because of the racket and I'm fuming! The bar shuts at three no doubt he'll be back then. Prat.

OP posts:
Yesitsme1 · 24/03/2018 02:48

Just make sure you do nothing towards solving the predicament he's put himself in tomorrow morning. Let him figure out how/when you're getting home and deal with all communication with his DM to explain why you're going to be late back. Consequences OP, consequences Grin

somepplmakemewant · 24/03/2018 03:02

He'll still be over the drinking limit in the morning!

strawberrysparkle · 24/03/2018 03:03

I completely feel for you, mine would do the exact same thing and then I end up so angry and hurt.

To be fair if he was drinking from 2pm he would still be over the limit at 11am even if he left when you did (though I know that doesn't help).

I would let him ring his mum and explain exactly what's happened. His mess!

NotTakenUsername · 24/03/2018 03:15

He'll still be over the drinking limit in the morning late afternoon!

Men do think of the long run.

When it comes to work, or other ‘important’ things. Obviously returning home to his son, not letting his mum down on arrangements and keeping to the agreement he made with his pregnant partner don’t come under the ‘important’ category.

Is he always quite feckless or is this a one off?

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/03/2018 03:37

Can you book another night at the hotel and return home this evening? Ie not stay over but let him sleep it off and you sleep. What an arse.

punchyKate · 24/03/2018 05:43

@kentgirl1

Hahaha.

You think the fumes coming from someone who's been drinking alcohol can have an effect on a child?

kentgirl1 · 24/03/2018 05:55

@punchyKate no of course not, that's not what I meant. I meant that the alcohol fumes stunk awfully!!! And when you've got a baby that doesn't sleep well anyway, anything that could have woken him needlessly, and I would have murdered my partner Grin

troodiedoo · 24/03/2018 05:59

Poor you OP. Your dh is a shit. Hope it's a one off.

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 24/03/2018 06:04

Don't be driven by him OP.

MyBoysAndI · 24/03/2018 06:06

Mummyoflittledragon - but what about the babysitter?

ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 24/03/2018 06:07

In your shoes I would be getting a taxi home right now.

NotTakenUsername · 24/03/2018 06:14

MyBoysAndI good point. It is probably definitely the wrong approach but I would be apoplectic!
What time did he finally get to bed...?

mcdog · 24/03/2018 06:18

What a knob. I would be fuming beyond belief! Absolutely agree with the PP who said to let him sort this out in the morning, do nothing at all to help him.

MyBoysAndI · 24/03/2018 06:23

Every one deserves a blow out now and then BUT not at the expense of other's i.e his mum who has kindly babysat as long as they return in time.

37KAT · 24/03/2018 06:24

I suspect he will tell OP he is fine to drive at 11am and insist on leaving.

He will still be over the limit for sure.

If he lets his mum down she may be reluctant next time she is asked to look after her grandchild possibly x 2.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 24/03/2018 06:35

What a dick.

Is public transport home possible, or would that be terrible for your ankle?

I'd be tempted to make sure I'm back in time so that your MIL isn't inconvenienced AND she knows what a selfish soak her son is.

RebootYourEngine · 24/03/2018 06:48

There is no way i would get in the car with him today until this evening. Even then i would still be a bit wary.

Is it possible for you to take public transport home?

Mouthfulofquiz · 24/03/2018 06:49

I would get up, start making the journey home in public transport and leave him to sort it out!

LagunaBubbles · 24/03/2018 06:59

When did he roll in to bed?

sleepygrump · 24/03/2018 09:17

He got in just after 3 when the bar closed. I'm livid.

He is still asleep but I suspect that when he wakes he will tell me he's fine to drive. Won't wash I'm afraid, I'm getting up in a minute and booking a taxi to the train station. I can get a train home for £65 and be back in 3ish hours. I'm knackered, couldn't get to sleep until around 4am.

He can bloody well sort himself out!

He's not normally like this no, and I agree everyone deserves a blow out now and then. I wouldn't mind at all if he'd come on his own and didn't get home till this evening, but I'm pissed off that he went on and on about me coming then has behaved so bloody irresponsibly.

I am completely intolerant of drink driving , and so is he! Worse thing is - aside from the safety aspect to us and others on the road - if he were to be caught and lost his license he'd lose his job. Bye job, bye family home, bye financial security.

Idiot.

OP posts:
ErniesGhostlyGoldtops · 24/03/2018 09:44

I would leave a not to that effect and leave the room without telling him. What a cock.

4Funnels · 24/03/2018 09:45

I'm livid.

That's not good enough for Mumsnet. You need to be beyond livid.

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