Selfish man!

[sleepygrump]

Regular poster but nc because could be outing.

I probably am being UR but I feel so cross. Yesterday me and my DH travelled four hours away from home to attend a wedding today of one of his friends. I didn't want to come, because I'm six months pregnant, tired and didn't particularly want to leave our toddler son for two nights but I relented because DH went on and on about how much it'd mean to him for me to come.

I am so regretting it! The venue hotel where we're staying is awful, but it's only for one night I can live with it. The b&g are into an obscure, very rowdy type of music which took over from the traditional at 11pm which is when I excused myself to bed as the dance floor was getting pretty chaotic. DH promised me he'd take it easy on the booze (he's been drinking pints since 2pm) and stop drinking when I left and that he'd come up to bed once the music had finished because we need to leave to get home at 11am in the morning to relieve our babysitter who needs to leave by 3pm. It's his mum, so it's not like she will leave or anything but she will - understandably - be really pissed off if we're late.

Well, I've managed precisely an hour of sleep so far because it's so noisy, the music stopped an hour and twenty minutes ago and DH hasn't come to bed. He just called me, absolutely bloody shitfaced and said he was finishing his drinks and would be up in a bit.

No way is he going to be fit to drive at 11am! I can't drive myself because I'm recovering from a really badly sprained ankle (been told not to drive for another fortnight). I don't have the bend or strength back enough to be safe to do an emergency stop.

Selfish pig. Am now trying not to be fuming so that I can go back to sleep for at least a few hours! God only knows when we're going to get home.

Well done on making that choice. Hopefully will make him think about his actions. Do you think he will still drive home at 11am with you gone ?

Sorry @4Funnels. I am beyond livid.

I didn't leave a note I fucking woke him up and told him. Tough shit if he's tired. He thinks I'm completely unreasonable and overreacting, that he's fine to drive at 11 and claims he stopped drinking at 1. Well so what, that still doesn't make him safe to drive at 11 does it!!

Now a few hours train journey to enjoy, bloody awesome!

I would have taken the car keys with me on the train journey

Ha ha @letsdolunch321 - I have taken the front door key. MIL might have taken DS to the park or something when I get back,
I'm not being locked out of my own house! I've left him the car keys, if he's fucking stupid enough to drive that's his look out. After the earache he's just had I don't think he will he'll go and find somewhere to sulk for a few hours before heading home later this afternoon.

10 hours is time to get rid of 10 units for the average person. Him being a man he's likely to process it more quickly.

He'll be right as rain at 11am.

Don’t forget his body has been processing the alcohol since 2pm- so the 2pm pint by 3-4pm and so on- not saying whether or not he’s safe to drive but he’s unlikely to need to wait until later afternoon/ tomorrow as indicated by PP

No, I don't think he needs to wait until tomorrow, but definitely a clear 12 hours so at least 3pm. There's no way he was fit to drive when I left he'd just had a shower and cleaned his teeth and he absolutely reeked of booze.

Here is a calculator I used to use at work to illustrate to drivers that if you drink 5 pints of fosters (for example) you shouldn't drive for 12.5 hours after finishing the last drink. Most were clearly surprised/shocked to see this. I have no idea how much the husband drank but I would guess it was a lot more than 5 pints.

morning-after.org.uk/?page_id=82

Oh god I've been here soooo many times. Men are dick heads when it comes to drinks / limits. Mine is 43 and still struggles 🙄

Thanks for that link bumble I no longer drink but it's quite an eye opener.

One bottle of wine takes 11 hours to clear your system - the police would have a heyday outside any school - a lot of the parents dropping off would still be over the limit purely from regular indoor drinking .

“The calculator bases its calculation from the time you stop, not when you start drinking. Some people say this is over-cautious, but we’d rather be safe than sorry.”

Surely that’s the completely wrong way to calculate it

Quimby But say that someone's been drinking pretty solidly, like OP's DH, for several hours constantly. Say he started at 3pm, and he used the calculator after four hours of drinking at 7pm. If he used the time that he had started drinking, it would say that he was OK to drink at (for example), 3am. However, the alcohol would still be in his bloodstream until x hours after he'd stopped.

Yeah but equally that assumes that someone drinking a half pint every hour over 10 hours is going to have as much alcohol in their system as someone who’s skulled five pints in an hour

You would be surprised how long alcohol takes to leave your system. If I have a night out and don't get in until 1/2am I won't drive at all the next day as we have a a breathalyser and are normally still over the limit by the evening.

They say 3 hours per glass of wine to leave your system on the NHS website.

Where did you get your breathalyser @strawberrysparkle? I'm going to get one, then next time I can bloody prove to him that he's an idiot!

I got home by three. He's on his way now after sleeping for a few hours in the car parked up in a car park.

Was your MIL about the fact he couldn't make it home?

She's furious with him. I have a feeling he'll be getting his ear bent for a second time when she speaks to him.

He won't regret it. You should have said no. All that to the side he messed up and owes you big time. Tell him and remind him for your big blow out. You're cross now but it'll be a distant memory when baby rocks up!

If it wasnt for the fact that you were meant to be drivi g home the next morning, and would be late for his mum, I'd say YABU. Not how I'd choose to get my kicks but each to their own. However it shows quite a high level of disregard for his mum, ehich woukd always piss me off.

To be fair he has sincerely apologised to me this evening. He recognises that he's been out of line, he said he was just 'having such a good time'! He also didn't think I would actually go and get a train, he said he sat in the room for ages waiting for me to come back, he thought I'd just gone off for a coffee to make a point.

He arranged a pregnancy massage for me as a Mother's Day gift from DS the other week, which I'm going for next weekend. He's been informed that he's on toddler duty the whole day, I'm taking my book and treating myself to a long, quiet lunch out, the massage and possibly something else too.

Bloody idiot.

This is how me and dh work! He's a twat, I reap the benefit!

@quimby the calculator explains why it uses the time of the last drink and also explains various ways of working out the time you'd be fit to drive. I'm not saying it is perfect, but surely it is sufficient to get a general idea? The only perfect way is a police breathalyser test, which I'm guessing most drinking drivers don't have access to.