Am I being a horrible wife?

[moveymcmove]

So my husband's firm is closing and he's been headhunter by a firm in Manchester.

If he takes the job we have to move from Leeds to Manchester and I'm not sure I want to move.

I'm happy in Leeds, we're both happy here. Am I a selfish bitch for not wanting to move?

I just like it in Yorkshire a lot

Whoops I forgot to add-I'm an agency nurse and could work in either place, no children and a commute would be a train and a bus apparently

Seriously, Leeds to Manchester is extremely easy to commute. Why would you have to move to Manchester when it's less than an hour on the train from Leeds? Approx 50 mins commute and fast trains that barely stop off anywhere.
Plenty per hour too so it's not like there's only a few a day and you'll be stuck.

I’d commute too. I’m from Manchester and we’re currenty in Sowerby Bridge, which makes getting to Manchester or Leeds a piece of piss. But it isn’t that you don’t want to move half way is it? You don’t want to move full stop?

Train it is then :)

I wouldn't move out of your town if I was as happy as you are, it will cause resentment in the end. He needs to commute even if you have to move house to a better location for commuting.

Jobs come and go, but feeling genuinely settled and contented at home is the glue to a happy life.

The commute is horrific, the train is always packed and takes an hour each way, plus Manchester is a nice place to live in.

I think with no DC and a flexible job I would relocate. I've done it with young DC to be honest and internationally and you make new friends without losing the old ones!
Manchester is also really nice and I'm sure you'd be fine

Agree that commute is horrible. I did it for 2 years until my DH got a job in the same town and agreed to move - even though we loved where we were living. City centre home to city centre ish work location took up to 2 hours each way(train and walking between home/train work/train).

It’s simply not sustainable long term. Add to that the cost (300 ish for a monthly rail pass), no seat reservations, train frequently down from 6 to 3 carriages on what is known to be the busiest commute service in the area. If you have ever tried to board that train assuming work will be core hours 9 -5 you will know what I mean when I describe it as a scrum. The train got in late virtually every day.

Driving the M62 took the same. Plan for major delays around J22 -J24 at least 3 times a week due to crashes (my eh begged me to stop driving there as it didn’t save time and the worry of me being caught up in one was causing us both a lot of stress.

Fast forward 6 months and looks like DH’s turn to do the commute. His work is in a more accessible location but door to door still looking at 90 mins each way. I’ll be starting Mat leave in a few months and we will be moving - having done it myself I wouldn’t want to inflict that commute on him.

I would commute.
I live and work about 12 miles apart and it takes me over an hour to drive in due to traffic, I think that is a relatively normal commute.

No self respecting Leodian would move over to The Dark Side OP!

The m62 is the devil if there is an accident and that happens most weeks. Could you rent out your house out in Ilkley and try Manchester just for a little while. Like someone said there are plenty of hospitals around Manchester.

I moved half way across country for my dh and his new job , from the place I loved ,packed up child and a bump and moved somewhere I hoped I'd get to like eventually.......20 yrs later we are still here...however he switched job again after 2 years,possibly less actually.....really wish I'd put my foot down and said I'm not moving.

Haha! He has to go through Kirkstall Road and the armley gyratory to get to the m621 and that takes about 45 minutes, But if you're in Ilkley why would you go anywhere near Leeds if you're driving to Manchester? Would you not just go round the Bradford ring road to pick up the M62? Or even, for a pleasanter run, go via Skipton, Burnley and the M66.

Not saying it's a commute I would consider, but no need to make it any worse by visiting Leeds en route.

Seriously, Leeds to Manchester is extremely easy to commute. But she's not in Leeds, she's in Ilkley. So DH would have to commute into Leeds before starting his commute into Manchester.

We could live off his redundancy money and my salary easily.

Redundancy money won't last forever

However there is a job going in Sheffield working for shelter and that's a doable commute.

That will be on a legal aid salary which won't be great.

I'm from Huddersfield which is in the middle, for those suggesting a compromise, but despite being a huge town I would agree it's not a city lifestyle. It would keep you in Yorkshire I guess. But, more crappy M62 commute or a 40 minute train then a bus.

Ilkley is lovely and I can see why you are reluctant to leave it.
I know East Manchester just under the Pennines quite well. Pretty lovely too. Or Buxton area that's very like Ilkley and commutable to Manchester (snow is an issue in winter but I assume it also is in Ilkley for your Leeds commute.
If you don't have kids, moving is much easier. My Mum crossed continents with my Dad. With kids.

I moved from Hampshire to the East Midlands for DH work. Best thing we ever did.

I think you should get through probation before moving either way. I wouldn't risk relocating before I'd tried it out.

But what happens if your husband doesn’t get a job in Leeds?
We have established that the commute is a killer.
It’s a killer commute vs ‘I love this house/place.’
How long will DH have to keep doing this horrible commute?

Again I think if a man was forcing a woman into a horrendous commute each day (with no children to consider) because he just didn’t want to move even if he could work easily in the second place, they would be getting different answers here.

Good advice from Belly let him commute to start with at least. If he still loves the job (and is doing well) despite the commute after a few months then you can think more long term.

Hi OP,
I also commute from South Manchester to Leeds everyday. I've been doing it for 2 years now. It's tough but doable. I love south Manchester and the kids are settled here so I didn't consider moving.
I think your DH should try commuting to start with and see how it goes.

I'm from London so I don't have the local knowledge of alot of the posters above.

But as a general rule I would say because of house prices, stamp duty and the cost of moving much fewer people now relocate for jobs, but try and make it work from their existing location.

This company is headhunting your dh so they're obviously keen on him. Could he negotiate 2 or 3 days working from home? Could negotiate them paying for a first class ticket for the train so the commute is more tolerable? Could he negotiate them paying for an overnight stay in Manchester 1 or 2 nights a week?

I think it is better for this company to assume that relocation to Manchester is not an option (which if you had a different job / kids it may not have been) so to think creatively about how to make it work with you staying put.

But if jobs in his field are scarce in Leeds I wouldn't be turning down this opportunity.

As pp have suggested I'd be trying to make it work with staying in Leeds first but if even if you do move rent out your house first and rent in Manchester rather than selling up initially.

BTW I couldn't live in Manchester as the amount of rain would kill me. Just a consideration.

horrific commute esp if his work is in longsight. This takes more than 1h each way. possibly 1.5h.

I think committing to a 3h (or so round trip) is a huge thing I wouldn't want to do nor would I wish it on my husband.

Can you rent in Manchester for 6 months to see how it all would pane out?

With no DC and no permanent job, I think I would support the move.

Huddersfield - HD3 ( Ha bikerunskI)
We moved here when I worked inManchester and DH worked in Leeds
It’s roughly halfway and easily commutable for both cities
Houses reasonable, although pricier than a lot of Huddersfield and a nice village with lovely restaurants. DH now works in Sheffield but he walks to the station if he is going by train
It’s about as close to Lancashire as you can get and still be in Gods own Country

Dh says Calder Valley, but only after your Dh has settled into the new job.

We are originally from the West of the Pennines, now live in Leeds.

I would only do The Calder Valley if the plan is to go by train.
It’s one road in and out so traffic can be bloody awful