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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask him to take his piercing out?

32 replies

Digitalash · 23/03/2018 16:01

My dp of around 6 months has his tongue pierced. He is lovely in every way except for this. I hate it so much, it makes me not want to kiss him because it bangs on my teeth and goes through me, to the point we have never really had a proper snog because the second it hits my teeth it goes through me and i pull away BUT i know its his choice and im not sure how id take to be told to remove my belly bar for example.

So would it be really out of line for me to ask him to remove it? And if its not how should i go about it? I dont want to fall out over it but i do want to be able to kiss my partner without going all blughh.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 23/03/2018 16:05

Just tell him it's putting you off kissing. If he makes a fuss he clearly Ian't that fussed about kissing you.

If he asked you to take your belly bar out, for similar reasons, you'd be reasonable, wouldn't you?

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 23/03/2018 16:14

Not sure how they work, but can't he take it out for snogs and sex?

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 23/03/2018 16:15

Lol I don't have spontaneous snogs with my dh anymore

ThanksForAllTheFish · 23/03/2018 16:18

One of my ex’s had his tongue pierced so I do know the clicking against teeth thing you are talking about but I never dreamed asking him to remove it. It’s his body so not really your choice and you can still kiss without tongues (many people don’t like tongue kissing any way). Besides it did have its benefits which far outweighed any teeth clicking.

I would let him know you dislike the feeling of it when you kiss and leave it at that. He may decide to remove it but I don’t think it’s right to ask him outright to take it out.

jaseyraex · 23/03/2018 16:19

I think you're kissing wrong lol. Both me and DH have our tongues pierced and we never bump it on teeth! Ask him to remove it but don't be surprised if he says no. Maybe ask that he takes it out during sex? My DH takes his lip ring out during sex because it came loose once and I ended up swallowing it.

ThanksForAllTheFish · 23/03/2018 16:25

But taking it out for sex misses the whole point of the piercing surely?

orangesmartieseggs · 23/03/2018 16:25

I'd laugh if someone asked me to remove any of my piercings! It's his body - if you dislike it that much then find someone else. I'm sure he can find someone who likes tongue piercings.

FooFighter99 · 23/03/2018 16:26

Is it metal? Would changing it to a plastic one may any difference?

Original poster
Digitalash · 23/03/2018 16:28

Plastic one might help? I will siggest that first. Thanks 🙂

OP posts:
Ginkypig · 23/03/2018 16:33

Well no you shouldn't really be asking him to remove it, in the same way that he can't ask you to cut your hair a certain way or not dress in some things.

You are certainly within your rights to say dp, I don't like it banging my teeth when we kiss so I don't want to kiss you. I respect your choice to have it and I won't ask you to take it out so you'll need to respect my choice to not want to kiss you. He then has the choice of being ok with not kissing you or not being ok with that and removing it.

Dp has his done and we have never had a tooth bump so I can't really say much on that aspect.

maddiemookins16mum · 23/03/2018 16:37

I was on a tube on Tuesday, young couple sat across from me holding hands etc, she had piercings in her top lip, through her septum (I think that's the right word - between her nostrils basically) and at the edge of each eye brow (I was everso mesmerised by them all).
I did think to myself what must it be like kissing!

Jaxhog · 23/03/2018 16:37

It IS his body, but if you don't like kissing him because of it, then don't. Then either he takes it out, or he takes himself off.

It would be a deal breaker for me. I think they're gross. That's my choice too!

FlakyToast · 23/03/2018 16:39

Well no you shouldn't really be asking him to remove it, in the same way that he can't ask you to cut your hair a certain way or not dress in some things.

Hmm unless the Op is putting her hair in his mouth it's nothing like that.

Op it's your body, you don't like it. You can say "I'm really sorry, it looks lovely and all but it's bad for your teeth and now you're making it bad for my teeth. So if you want to snog you're going to have to take it out".

He doesn't have to take it out, obviously but you can equally say I don't like it keep it out of my mouth.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 23/03/2018 16:40

Yes his body his choice and all that and his choice to chip his teeth.

But not to inflict that on someone else.

Springtrolls · 23/03/2018 16:42

You can tell him you find it off putting but you cannot request he removes it.

FlakyToast · 23/03/2018 16:42

I'd laugh if someone asked me to remove any of my piercings! It's his body - if you dislike it that much then find someone else. I'm sure he can find someone who likes tongue piercings.

I can't imagine being besotted with someone and actually dumping them because they've asked me to not damage their teeth with my tongue decoration. Hmm

I did have a tongue ring btw. I just didn't prefer it to people.

CougheeBean · 23/03/2018 16:43

Sounds like he needs a shorter bar in it tbh. No reason for the ball to be hitting your teeth! They're about £1.50 on eBay, see if he'll try a few different ones and see if there's one which suits you both

orangesmartieseggs · 23/03/2018 16:51

I can't imagine being besotted with someone and actually dumping them because they've asked me to not damage their teeth with my tongue decoration. hmm

Well, OP can leave if she doesn't like it. It's his choice to have it pierced, just like it's her choice to date someone with a tongue piercing. He can buy a shorter/plastic bar if he wants, but again, that's his choice.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 23/03/2018 16:52

Yep you're definitely doing something wrong-have had mine in for 19 years & never hit DH's teeth, we kiss regularly.
I wonder if the sensation of his tongue piercing elsewhere will outweigh this issue...? 🤔

MagneticMan · 23/03/2018 16:57

Ask if he'll wear a plastic retainer when he comes round to see you. You can get some that sit almost flat on the tongue.

MagneticMan · 23/03/2018 16:59

Like this one

www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/52635889374509223/

Ginkypig · 23/03/2018 17:02

Fuck off flaky you have used less than half of what Iv said to prove a point I wasn't even making! So just for you ok

Asking him to take it out because you don't like it bumping your teeth would be similar to him saying I don't want you wearing glasses because they bump my nose when we kiss. Neither are very fair but your totally within your rights to not kiss them due to the bumping though.

speakout · 23/03/2018 17:07

Sounds ghastly- I couldn't date a man with a tongue piercing.

winglesspegasus · 23/03/2018 17:11

agree with shorter bar .never had this problem and we are both peirced.after initial healing the bar usually needs to be a shorter one.
good luck

GrannyGrissle · 23/03/2018 21:03

He doesn't even need to change the bar, just the balls. Claire's sells plastic balls for 1.6 gague jewellery for a couple of quid.