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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Comment about ex’s underwear AIBU

38 replies

Twirlyvvf · 23/03/2018 12:31

I’ve been seeing a man for a few weeks. We were having a bit of a flirty conversation via messenger today about lingerie, and I mentioned a particular brand I really like. He replied “I’ve bought loads of stuff from there” and I clarified whether he meant for he bought it for his ex, and he said yes. AIBU to be a bit pissed off at him telling me this? Obviously I know he’s seen a woman other than me in underwear before, but was it really necessary for him to explicitly tell me he’s bought it for someone else, and from my favourite brand (a very particular style) too? I feel like it’s taken the shine off me wearing it in front of him now or am I being a bit ridiculous? I’ll accept it if so!

OP posts:

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 23/03/2018 12:37

YAB a little U. It was probably a bit crass of him to mention it but it's a little oversensitive to expect him never to mention x, y or z because you like it. It's like him saying "oh my Ex used to love Ribena" and you feeling you could never drink Ribena again.

If you're uncomfortable knowing about his Ex, tell him that you think he overshared. But if you ask him questions you need to accept that his answers might not be tailor-made to bring you happiness. Most people have Exes. Most people have shared their lives, their homes and their travels with a partner. It's just part of who he is.

purplelass · 23/03/2018 12:38

It's hard drawing a line under ex-relationships with a new partner but you have to accept that everyone has a history. Maybe if you're not happy hearing about this you just need to tell him?
He was probably just pointing out that he'd bought the underwear for a woman before, not himself

Bundlesmads · 23/03/2018 12:39

Well would you rather he told you he’d bought it to wear himself?

falsepriest · 23/03/2018 12:39

People are allowed to have had previous relationships.

Original poster

Twirlyvvf · 23/03/2018 12:39

I suppose I’m less likely to compare what I look like drinking Ribena compared to what his ex looked like drinking Ribena

OP posts:

soulrider · 23/03/2018 12:40

YABU Why did you ask for the clarification? It was you who brought the ex girlfriend into it, he only mentioned buying underwear from a shop, in response to you saying you liked underwear from said shop.

Original poster

Twirlyvvf · 23/03/2018 12:41

I know people are allowed to have previous relationships, not sure where I said they weren’t I’m just not sure it’s necessary to share the details of what underwear their ex wore. It’s quite intimate

OP posts:

Finderscrispy · 23/03/2018 12:50

Maybe he was just having foot in mouth moment, if it’s just a one off then I’d let it go. If he’s constantly bringing ex into conversations then perhaps he’s not really moved on yet.

I wouldn’t really like the comment either and would probably be looking for other lingerie brands to wear instead, obviously im very irrational and petty but there you go.

UnimaginativeUsername · 23/03/2018 12:54

I presume he was trying to agree with you that it was a nice brand.

jay55 · 23/03/2018 12:59

Sounds like his way of saying he likes the underwear they sell.

Eliza9917 · 23/03/2018 13:00

soulrider Fri 23-Mar-18 12:40:15

Exactly, why ask? What did you think he was going to say? He's hardly likely to go 'oh I bought it for my mum' or 'Yeah, I wear women's underwear, lets share'.

FleeceDetective · 23/03/2018 13:00

He didn't mention the ex girlfriend though, you did.

ISpeakJive · 23/03/2018 13:01

Soulrider is right. The conversation could have stopped once he mentioned buying underwear from that shop but you wanted clarification that it was for his ex. If you’re not going to like the answer, I would keep schtum...

UnimaginativeUsername · 23/03/2018 13:03

Exactly, why ask? What did you think he was going to say? He's hardly likely to go 'oh I bought it for my mum' or 'Yeah, I wear women's underwear, lets share'.

Of the options available to him, ‘yes. it was for an ex’ is probably the absolute best case.

If you didn’t want to know it was for an ex, you shouldn’t have asked for clarification. He probably wasn’t thinking of the ex (or exes) at all, just the underwea when he said he’d bought it before.

QueenAravisOfArchenland · 23/03/2018 13:07

Yabu. He mentioned something relevant to what you were saying (he'd shopped there before). It was you who brought his ex into it.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2018 13:11

Yes, why did you ask? Did you think he's bought it for himself? Or his mom? Surely it's obvious it'll be his ex / an ex

Ohyesiam · 23/03/2018 13:11

I think it’s naff for him to bring that up, and for a sensitive person it might indicate he is not aware enough.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/03/2018 13:11

You've been seeing each other WEEKS and you're being a bit silly. Chalk this up to your irrational annoyance and never let on.

Original poster

Twirlyvvf · 23/03/2018 13:15

Ok, fair enough I am being unreasonable. I personally wouldn’t have told him something similar about any of my exes because I would have felt it might make him uncomfortable, but it looks like I’m just a bit hypersensitive perhaps

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/03/2018 13:23

Why were you even discussing underwear beyond a flirtatious thing? Ask yourself why this matters to you so much.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2018 13:24

He didn't tell you! You asked!

And yes, you've known him a matter of days!

nuggies · 23/03/2018 13:26

i think you're being a little unreasonable. obviously no one really likes thinking about their partner being with someone else, but you brought the ex up. and props to him for being honest instead of lying to keep you happy.

DearMrDilkington · 23/03/2018 13:27

But you asked? I don't understand the issue..

HollyBayTree · 23/03/2018 13:28

I mentioned a particular brand I really like. He replied “I’ve bought loads of stuff from there” and I clarified whether he meant for he bought it for his ex, and he said yes.

Well he wasnt buying it for his mother was he ? I suppose you could have been asking if he was buying it for himself.

Finderscrispy · 23/03/2018 13:29

It’s not unreasonable to feel sensitive about him bringing it up. Most people feel vulnerable in their underwear/ naked, especially with a new partner. I would be worrying he would compare me to ex in ‘brand underwear’. Not really the same a drinking a Ribena ?

He has been tactless and could have just said he had heard of the brand and left it at that.

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