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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

proceeds from sale of house

39 replies

franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:10

My DH and I are both 38. We met when we were 30 and moved in together. When we met he owned a flat and I owned a house. We decided to live in my house and he rented his flat out. We made a decision that we'd have joint savings but when it came to the properties he would be responsible for his and I would be responsible for mine in terms of repairs and maintenance. It's worked out really well so far so I'm not asking for advice on that. However we've decided to buy a house together and I've sold my house making a a rather large profit. We've saved for the deposit for the new house separately so the profit from my house is my pension fund. My DH pretty much has a mortgage free flat which carries the same value as my house only it's an asset for him and it's cash now for me.

Here's my AIBU...he's mentioned things like me taking the family on a blow out holiday with the proceeds from the sale of the house or me using the money to do things round the new house. We still have savings and I'm really not wanting to spend my retirement money when he has the equivalent amount tied up in property and won't be spending a penny.

Aibu to think that if we have joint savings then we use this first?

OP posts:
Inseoir · 23/03/2018 11:12

TBH I find it really really odd when a couple separates finances in such a rigid way - you do realise that as you're married everything is considered to belong to both of you?

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 23/03/2018 11:12

Tell you are planning to invest into a rental flat so you have one each. That may make him think about things. If he expects the proceeds of your house sale to be joint then he needs to put you on the deeds of his flat.

Allthewaves · 23/03/2018 11:13

Value his flat and you will take equivalent value from house sale and invest it so you both have a pot

Sarsparella · 23/03/2018 11:13

Yanbu, what are you planning to do with the money? Invest it? Just tell him no, you’ve got a plan for that money & if he wants to blow money on a holiday he can sell his flat & do that :)

Original poster
franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:13

inseoir

I realise that but I do value my financial independence

OP posts:
Bluelady · 23/03/2018 11:14

What Chaz said.

Original poster
franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:15

chaz

I have considered buying a rental so I think I'll make that clear to him.

OP posts:
KalaLaka · 23/03/2018 11:16

I'm assuming it's taxable income? Won't you also have a massive tax bill from it?

Stand your ground and keep your finances safe!

Inseoir · 23/03/2018 11:16

I get that frankly, and you definitely need a pension and your DH should be aware of that - that shouldn't be an issue. I just find it odd that your DH wants a holiday and is asking you to sacrifice something for that when he doesn't want to do that himself - where's the sense of teamwork, of being a couple?

jay55 · 23/03/2018 11:18

Its not taxable income as it has been her main residence.

EastMidsMummy · 23/03/2018 11:19

You can protect your financial independence in a marriage without this stupid divide and rule bollocks.

FluffyWuffy100 · 23/03/2018 11:19

Just say to him that you thought you agreed the flat and house finances were separate, the money is your retirement fund and you are reinvesting it, not spending it.

I probably wouldn’t buy a rental with al the proceeds - you could probably do with seeing an IFA

Bluelady · 23/03/2018 11:19

No tax implications as it's the primary residence.

Original poster
franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:20

kala

It's my principle private residence so I am not liable to capital gains tax.

OP posts:
JeSaisPas · 23/03/2018 11:21

OP, YANBU at all. Don't listen to people who say it's weird - every couple is different and different things work for them. I also value my financial independence and would be making it clear that any big holidays, etc came out of the joint savings. Unless of course you decided to treat your DH as a surprise but that would be totally up to you.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 23/03/2018 11:21

Yanbu, sounds very fair to me

Original poster
franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:21

Divide and rule? eastmids

We are pretty equal in our wealth (if you want to call it that) it's just held differentlt

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 23/03/2018 11:22

TBH I find it really really odd when a couple separates finances in such a rigid way

Why? Confused what works for some people doesn’t necessarily work for others.

Yes if you’re married everything is technically joint but that doesn’t mean that your partner should have free reign to your wages ect (ok a bit of an extreme example but I’m just trying to get my point across)

My DH is crap with money and the thought of us having a joint account fills me with horror. He just gives me money for half the bills each month and some extra for the savings and that’s it.I’m sure plenty of others are in similar situations. I think it’s bizarre on MN how so many people are obsessed with couples having joint finances.

Lucisky · 23/03/2018 11:22

I value my financial independence too, so I am with you on that. I am not of the opinion that all money in a relationship automatically becomes the property of both of you. I think it's a bit of a cheek for him to suggest ways to spend YOUR money. Just tell him it's been invested for the future. If he wants a super holiday would you not share the cost anyway?

RaininSummer · 23/03/2018 11:23

Sounds fair and sensible to me. Ringfence the equivalent value to his flat at least.

Original poster
franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:24

My DH and i don't have any current accounts.

Hopefully we don't divorce any time soon (or at all Grin)

OP posts:
Bluelady · 23/03/2018 11:24

I wish I had a £ for every run in I've seen on MN about separate/joint finances. Different folks, different strokes. End of.

Original poster
franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:24

*joint current accounts

OP posts:
SandyDenny · 23/03/2018 11:30

Of course it's OK to have separate finances, some people just can't understand that not everyone is the same as them.

I agree that you should use joint savings first and only spend the individual ones if that partner is happy to.

No one knows what's round the corner, a lot of people are stuck in relationships for financial reasons. Having a nest egg is a sensible idea if you can afford it

gdaymatey · 23/03/2018 11:31

Where are the joint savings held?

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