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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

proceeds from sale of house

39 replies

franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 11:10

My DH and I are both 38. We met when we were 30 and moved in together. When we met he owned a flat and I owned a house. We decided to live in my house and he rented his flat out. We made a decision that we'd have joint savings but when it came to the properties he would be responsible for his and I would be responsible for mine in terms of repairs and maintenance. It's worked out really well so far so I'm not asking for advice on that. However we've decided to buy a house together and I've sold my house making a a rather large profit. We've saved for the deposit for the new house separately so the profit from my house is my pension fund. My DH pretty much has a mortgage free flat which carries the same value as my house only it's an asset for him and it's cash now for me.

Here's my AIBU...he's mentioned things like me taking the family on a blow out holiday with the proceeds from the sale of the house or me using the money to do things round the new house. We still have savings and I'm really not wanting to spend my retirement money when he has the equivalent amount tied up in property and won't be spending a penny.

Aibu to think that if we have joint savings then we use this first?

OP posts:

BitOutOfPractice · 23/03/2018 11:38

Get that money back into property as quick as you can!

Misleadorlie · 23/03/2018 11:39

You’re married so it all belongs to both of you anyway...

ArcheryAnnie · 23/03/2018 11:44

You sound very sensible, OP.

I'd tell him that if you two plan on doing something together, whether it be on a blow-out holiday or doing up your joint house, then it should come out of the joint savings account. If he wants to release some equity from his flat and treat you both, of course, that's an option, too!

But bloody hell, if you have a retirement fund, don't blow it on his say-so.

KitKat1985 · 23/03/2018 11:46

Can you ask him to contribute half the costs from the holiday / work on the house from the rental money he is receiving?

Tinkobell · 23/03/2018 11:47

YANBU. You should be using joint savings first for any splurges. However I don't understand, why, if you are married that both of you should not be considering any amassed finances as shared. The sentiment of marriage is lifelong commitment. In your future retirements are you to have it that one person is comfortably sorted whilst the other might not be so......weird. If you don't trust each other, you need to have your finances formally separated out in a way that you are both satisfied with.

Glumglowworm · 23/03/2018 11:47

You both have similar amounts of property/money from property, so it’s fair that both stay separate or both become joint.

So if you’re expected to share the profit of your house then any income and future profit from his flat should also be shared. Alternatively you keep the money and invest it for your pension or whatever and he keeps his flat

EastMidsMummy · 23/03/2018 11:48

Divide and rule?We are pretty equal in our wealth (if you want to call it that) it's just held differently

Of course you are, you’re married.

Original poster

franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 12:29

eastmids

So you have no money that you only you get to decide what happens to it? Every penny of your marriage is a joint decision? I couldn't live like that

OP posts:

Firesuit · 23/03/2018 12:54

Here are quotes from several different people

you do realise that as you're married everything is considered to belong to both of you?

Yes if you’re married everything is technically joint

You’re married so it all belongs to both of you anyway...

Assuming OP lives in England, these quotes are all absolutely, 100%, undeniably wrong.

Being married does not end your right to own things individually, and there's generally nothing you can to stop your partner doing what they like with the things they own. (Apart from home rights which might make it difficult to sell the family home, if it's in his/her name only.)

It's divorce, not marriage, that may legally force people to share their assets.

Firesuit · 23/03/2018 12:56

Well, not undeniably wrong, as every thread like this has people who believe that assets are legally shared by virtue of being married.

Firesuit · 23/03/2018 13:01

To answer OP question, your DH is unreasonable. Tell him to keep his greedy hands off your cash!

You could offer to buy a half-share of his flat from him, then you will each have a similar amount of cash so that you can go 50:50 on any spending plans you both agree to.

HeebieJeebies456 · 23/03/2018 15:52

So he wants to spend your nest egg whilst his remains protected exclusively for him?

Just because the money is there doesn't mean it HAS to be spent.
If he wants a 'blow out' holiday/better lifestyle then he either saves up for it/his share or releases some equity from his asset

Original poster

franklyshitmydear · 23/03/2018 17:20

I spoke with him earlier and said to him that if he wants a blow out holiday then I'll pay for half of it with my money and he can release the other half in equity from his flat....think a weekend in Blackpool is more likely now

OP posts:

junebirthdaygirl · 23/03/2018 19:56

Well spending say 2000 on a holiday that is enjoyable for you both and a very special treat over and above the norm would be nice. Hopefully at another time he will do the same for you. If ye get too caught up in who pays what ye could end up wbith no fun and both a bit selfish with spending. But after that the rest is invested.

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