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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

German shepherd and child

55 replies

NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 22:48

My DH chose to get a dog against my wishes .

His daughter chose to have a baby.

Aibu in refusing dog and child being together.?

H thinks I am being over cautious. . He trusts his dog!!

The dog is skittish around children.
I don't agree .

We are at divorce point .

OP posts:
QueenofmyPrinces · 22/03/2018 22:49

What does his daughter say?

AjasLipstick · 22/03/2018 22:50

Well...dogs are generally fine around babies and children IF they're managed properly.

The dog should never be left alone with the child

the child should never be allowed to pull, poke, prod or climb on the dog nor to thrust it's face in the dogs face.

That's all.

We have children and a big dog. We exercise care and remember that the dog is an animal....a potential killer actually.

So remember that and it's fine.

user1471459936 · 22/03/2018 22:51

Very confused. Who lives where? Do you mean when they visit you? Never leave a baby or child alone with a dog. Or on a dog / next to dog for "cute" photos.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 22:55

Sorry!
Not clear.
They don't live with us and dog is not used to children . Neither is child used to dog.

OP posts:
IamaBluebird · 22/03/2018 22:55

Lots of people have dogs and children. You just have to be sensible and never take chances. You will get lots of good advice from the knowledgeable owners here I'm sure.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 22:56

The daughter is frightened of the dog.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 22/03/2018 23:00

It sounds as though the dog needs proper training and socialisation. It's all very well keeping it separate from the grandchild, but what about when the dog is out and about? If it can't be trusted around children (notwithstanding the advice not to leave even trustworthy dogs alone with small children, with which I agree) that's a problem in itself.

Frequency · 22/03/2018 23:00

Put the dog in another room when the child visits.

My parents had an Akita who wasn't used to very young children when my children were young. They still talk fondly about Kitchen Dog Grin

AjasLipstick · 22/03/2018 23:05

If the daughter doesn't live with you, has a baby and doesn't want the dog near the child, then that is HER choice.

Your husband shouldn't try to foist the dog on the baby.

Is this about when the child comes to visit your house OP?

Queenio24 · 22/03/2018 23:07

You are very sensible, I wouldn't want them together either.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 23:20

Ajas and Queen......Thanks!!

Yes, it's different households.
Dog is indifferent to children when we walking, but gets skittish if they try to stroke him unexpectedly. He not snappy but just wants to run away.
I'm concerned that he will get overwhelmed and feel he
Has nowhere to run.
He's very good natured but not used to children. And certainly not in his house!

I have more dog experience then DH, and I'm wary.
I think he should trust me on this. But he forcing the issue.

I'm not having it.

OP posts:
GeorgeW78 · 22/03/2018 23:25

Never leave a child under 7 alone with a dog, size, breed etc is not relevant, it's not worth the risk. Many adults can't read a dog or know how to behave around them, let alone a child. Things happen and it's not always the dog's fault. Dogs need to be socialised and trained properly but people need to know how to treat and respect dogs and obviously that's difficult for babies! I'd be wary of taking a baby into a dog's home (or bringing the dog into the baby's home) when they're not used to children. I certainly wouldn't have them in the same room for several visits even supervised. You could meet up at the end of a dog walk a few times so the dog can get used to the smells in a calm, neutral environment. Trust your instincts OP.

GeorgeW78 · 22/03/2018 23:28

Sorry cross post. I think your DH needs to listen to you and his dog! Half the time it's the owner that needs training more than the dog! Wink

Original poster
NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 23:28

I've allowed a line up of children to stroke dog when we were walking. He was fine with that. Up to a point. He knew I was wanting him to 'stay ' so did it. The moment I gave command to move, he was off like a rocket!

OP posts:
MichaelFabricantsHair · 22/03/2018 23:30

I'd be really annoyed if my DH got a dog against my wishes.

I can appreciate why you want to keep the dog away from the baby; the fact he got the dog despite your reservations and is in your words "forcing the issue" makes me think your DH is an asshat.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 23:37

Thanks for the support @GeorgeW78 and @michaelfabrivicant

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 23:43

To make it clear. I trust this dog outside the house with children. Not sure inside the house.
I'm not willing her to be traumatised amd/or scarred or dog put down.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 22/03/2018 23:59

I think you're right to be cautious, OP.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/03/2018 00:07

Ta @ screaming Valenta.
I get confuzzled as to who the reasonable one is at times!
But I'm bluddy sure I'm on safe ground with this one.

Could do with the support!

OP posts:
MrsCrabbyTree · 23/03/2018 00:47

Since you have the experience with dogs, tell DH to trust you on this and then add that it is better to be safe than sorry when it comes to his grandchild's wellbeing. Can you get his daughter to agree with you?

FranticallyPeaceful · 23/03/2018 00:53

Nope, I wouldn’t. Especially that breed. They can be lovely when raised correctly... but you still can’t override their instincts etc. Wouldn’t be the dogs fault as such, but it would end up getting put down no doubt.
I think you’re incredibly sensible and definitely in the right to think the way you are thinking. Too many “it depends how they’re raised” loons these days, never ends well.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/03/2018 00:58

@MrsCrarabbTree... .
I'm hoping so. The dog frightens her! No real reason other than he barked her when first met her.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/03/2018 01:02

@ franticallypeaceful
A thank you from me.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 23/03/2018 01:08

I love dogs. But I know breeds and tendencies. I've seen how our dog is. He's great.
But not inside his house.
I know I've got it right. But H thinks I'm wrong! I'm beside myself, because he taking me disagreeing as a huge issue!
Do not say anything about I've got a husband issue , not a dog issue!

OP posts:
pigsDOfly · 23/03/2018 01:18

If the daughter is scared of the dog and doesn't want it around her child then there should be no question, the dog doesn't get anywhere near the baby.

I have two grandchildren. When they visit, my dog, who is small and completely inoffensive, takes herself upstairs because she finds the DGC overwhelming. However, if she does come downstairs I'm supervising her and the youngest DGC, who has a tendency to grab fur, like a hawk, all the time in case DGC might do something that spooks the dog.

I know my dog inside out. She's coming up to her 7th birthday and I've had her since she was an 8 week old puppy. She loves people, is completely calm around children and is very sweet natured. But she is an animal. And because she's an animal she could react without thinking if her fur was yanked suddenly or she was poked in the face or she was hurt in some other way. So I watch her around my small grand children.

Your DH is an idiot if he thinks he knows how his dog is going to react to being hurt or spooked by a child.

Whenever a case of a small child being injured or killed by a dog is reported in the papers there always seems to be someone who says, 'he's never done anything like that before'. Well no, he probably hasn't but there's always the possibility of that first time.

Your DH needs to listen to you. And the dog needs to be kept away from the baby.