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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

German shepherd and child

55 replies

NoCanoe · 22/03/2018 22:48

My DH chose to get a dog against my wishes .

His daughter chose to have a baby.

Aibu in refusing dog and child being together.?

H thinks I am being over cautious. . He trusts his dog!!

The dog is skittish around children.
I don't agree .

We are at divorce point .

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouse · 23/03/2018 01:22

What is the actual issue? You’re being very vague and a bit ...odd.

punchyKate · 23/03/2018 01:23

I think you're being very unreasonable and controlling and overbearing.

The baby doesn't even live with you.

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 23/03/2018 01:26

I love dogs. But I would never let them be around children without watching both child and dog like a hawk. Especially certain breeds, German Shepherds being one of them. A lot of children try to touch my dog when we’re out but even if they ask politely, I have to say no, sorry. He is a nervous dog and I don’t want him snapping if they touch him unexpectedly.

eridanus · 23/03/2018 01:45

Never ever - no baby with a dog ever - so many people think they know their dog because they project being human onto the dog. Their dog is always, the best, kindest, gentlest animal friend they have ever had.

Think about it, you might have the best managed animal in the world - trained to your standards - and I would be surprised if anyone on here tells me they have the best trained children under 4 in the world.That they sit and stay on command and never once object.

2 trained beings, coming together - neither every stepping a foot out of line (unlikely) and then the toddler just decides for the hell of it, I'll pinch that nice juicy nose on that there dog. Dog decides, never been done to me before, hell that's not happening.

The most disturbing thing is the photos post of dogs lying asleep with babies, or protecting babies. Not religious but the old saying 'may the grace of god go with you'. Protection in dogs is like wolves; it is ownership, dominance, not affection and the baby is a thing - the easiest question to answer is 'why take a chance on death, when you don't really have to?' YANBU

(owner of several lovely, kind gentle dogs and lovely, kind, gentle kids)

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 23/03/2018 02:13

eridanus totally agree. The photos you see of kids climbing over dogs or dogs sleeping in the basket with the baby, I just think why. I love my dog but I would never do that in a million years. All it takes is one bad day when the dog has a sore spot or is overly tired - even the kindest and gentlest dogs can end up snapping.

Idobelieveinfairies2018 · 28/03/2018 12:25

No no no.
A) Ur dog does not like to much fussing from children
B) The child is scared of the dog
Ok so never leave the dog and the child together alone (in my house I'd be more worried about wot dd is doing 2 the poor dog than anything else) but please don't shut the dog away when the child visits if he isn't normally shit away. It is HIS house and being shut away everytime 'this tiny human' visits can cause problems. He could very well become jealous of the child, even more so than just having attention diverted away from him.
In my experience dogs will become more determined when they are denied access to something.
It would much better if ur dog can have open access to another room so he can go away from the child when he's had enough and do not let the child follow. That way he can remove himself from anything uncomfortable to a 'safe space' but has the option of coming back if he chooses.
You said u have more experience with dogs than ur dh, could u sit dh down and explain the different types of body language that ur dog displays that are actually warning signs that he is anxious/not happy/on the brink? ie 'whale eyes', excessive licking, panting, tail still wagging but tail set lower than normal. Of course the more obvious 1s of moving away etc he should know anyway, I'm not being horrible here but I do think ur being unfair regarding letting kids stroke him. I know u said he will stay but that's because he knows u want him to but the minute u give him permission he bolts meaning it is NOT a situation he would willingly put himself in.
How is dh generally regarding dogs and kids? Does he think it's fine, or to be encouraged, for a child to be able to remove food, sit on a dogs bed or cute if a child is crawling all over a dog? If he thinks any of these are fine then I'd probably also advise not to leave dh in charge of supervising the 2 together.
It is very unusual for a dog to snap with no indication so it is very important that the dogs cues are learnt so u can preempt any problems. Eg my boy will bat me or dd hands away with his paw when he's had enough or he might give a very short non threatening growl at dh, these are his cues for us to back off because we are annoying him. It takes time for these cues to be learnt though so might not be possible for u to know them at the moment depending how long uve had him.
x

Mightymucks · 28/03/2018 12:33

Are you asking him to get rid of the dog?

Blobby10 · 28/03/2018 12:35

My parents have a German Shepherd. My sister has two children under 2. My parents would never leaves children unattended with dog but dog is awesome with them - allows them to fuss around her and follows older (and now walking) child wherever it goes, just checking that shes OK! It lovely to see but my parents will never be lulled into thinking they can leave children and dog alone! Recipe for disaster with even the most mild mannered and patient dog.

Totsntantrums · 28/03/2018 13:44

I think if you are nervous, you will not be helping the situation either as the dog is going to feed from that anyway. Can you not manage the situation when the baby is there?

I have a dog and 5 children. He lunged a couple of times in the past but there are plenty of things that can be done to ensure the safety of dog and family member and we all live harmoniously.

Juells · 28/03/2018 13:55

I must say I would be quite upset if I wanted to get a dog and was told it was 'against your wishes'.

I've had GSs, and they were great with my children, who were very used to dogs and very gentle. I nearly fainted one day when a friend visited with a little boy, who threw himself on one of the GS bitches and rolled around and stuck his fist in her mouth -not punching, just pushing. The bitch was very tolerant, but yawning and distressed. Children really need to be taught to have respect for other creatures.

The main problem I encountered with the GSs was that they are 'shepherds', and would try to protect visiting small children from their parents if the child was crying Sad

19lottie82 · 28/03/2018 13:59

German Shephards are great breeds but they MUST be trained properly. Is your DH dedicating enough time (hours per week!) to training the dog?

RawhideRingpiece · 28/03/2018 14:01

Asking the dog to stay and in effect forcing it to endure being stroked by a lineup of children is very unwise and won’t help the dog.

Mia1415 · 28/03/2018 14:04

Is it your DH's dog and your DH's daughter?

If so YABU.

Trinity66 · 28/03/2018 14:14

If she doesn't live with you what's the problem? Well the problem is the your DH got a dog that you didn't want and this is your opportunity to get rid of it? Poor dog though

Trinity66 · 28/03/2018 14:16

*I think you're being very unreasonable and controlling and overbearing.

The baby doesn't even live with you.*

In this instance Its not reasonable because the baby doesn't even live with them, it is however very unreasonable to get a big dog when the person you live with doesn't want one, don't you think?

Original poster
NoCanoe · 28/03/2018 14:23

Damn. I wrote out detailed post and it disappeared on me!
To clarify, all I'm asking is for DH to be aware and alert of the potential problems and not take it for granted that dog and child will be fine together. He thinks I'm being over cautious and that's the issue.

The example I gave of lining kids up was a one off because they were running around him, coming up to him from behind and tapping him. I took the opportunity to calm them down, line them up and show them how to approach a Dog , with back of hand being proffered for an introductory sniff. They then were able to give him a small stroke. This controlled and defused the situation and they have never bothered him again.

I didn't want the responsibility of a Dog at the time, which is why I said it was against my wishes. But I gave in. But he is my responsibility now and I have a duty of care to him and anyone he comes into contact with.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 28/03/2018 14:26

And the dog is going nowhere! He's part of the family and I'm not getting rid of him!

I'm trying to protect him!

OP posts:
Mia1415 · 28/03/2018 14:28

all I'm asking is for DH to be aware and alert of the potential problems

This is reasonable. However your original OP wasn't asking this.

Original poster
NoCanoe · 28/03/2018 14:29

He's quite a possessive dog towards his owners, so thats in the mix too.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 28/03/2018 14:31

@Mia.
Probably wasn't very clear. I was annoyed at the time of writing the OP as DH had just pooh poohed my concerns.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoCanoe · 28/03/2018 14:34

But until I can trust DH to be aware and alert of the potential problems then I'm not wanting the risk of the child in the house.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 28/03/2018 14:34

My GSD was very territorial inside the house - a lovely dog outside, but indoors she really didn't like anyone other than her family coming in! They will guard.

And this dog of your 'DH's'...does he walk her? Train her? Or does he just like the kudos of having a big, fierce-looking dog about? Because if you do all the work, she's your dog. And it sounds like he's not very dog savvy, so beware him trying to plonk grandchild onto the dog just to prove you wrong.

Nomorechickens · 28/03/2018 14:36

Perhaps you should have an information session about dogs and children with DH's DD so that she can protect her DC from an informed position?

RawhideRingpiece · 28/03/2018 14:48

Just as a general FYI - offering a hand for a dog to sniff is unnecessary and could potentially incite a bite in a fearful dog. They can smell you just fine from where you are 🙂

Original poster
NoCanoe · 28/03/2018 15:06

@rawhide.
It was the only way to stop them tapping him on his haunches or trying to pull his tail.

I knew he wouldn't snap at them with the proffered hand approach . Most people who meet him do it, so it's familiar to him.

OP posts: